Whether we realize it in daily life or not, our choices are often based on probability calculations. Our own predictions are what shape the decisions we make. When we predict that the weather will be sunny, we plan to go on a picnic, buy books we think we will like, or make vacation plans that fit our estimated budget. What we predict is not just how the event will turn out. We also try to predict how we will feel as a result of our choices. Expected emotions such as happiness, sadness, anger and regret play a big role in the decisions we make. 'Feeling of Loss' is one of these predicted emotions.
In 2006, Kermer and his colleagues asked people to predict how intense their emotions would be when they lost or won as a result of the decisions they made. As part of the experiment, a game mechanism was set up and participants were given the chance to win $5 or lose $3 by throwing money. Before the coin was tossed, participants were asked to predict their emotions, whether they had won or lost. In other words, they were asked how much/how long they would be sad if they lost, and the same questions were repeated for the win situation. The difference between the emotions they experience after the coin is tossed and the 'expected emotions' initially predicted is quite surprising. When the winning amount was $5 and the losing amount was only $3, it was observed that we greatly exaggerated the emotion we expected to feel in case of losing. Looking at the average of the participants' predicted emotions, they reported that they would experience 2 units of happiness in case of winning, but 4 units of sadness in case of loss. The emotions they felt after the coin was tossed reveal that the emotions they expected were predicted incorrectly. Because again, looking at the participant averages, they stated that they felt approximately 1 unit of joy in case of winning and 1 unit of sadness in case of loss. In this case, we overestimate our prediction of winning by 2 times and our prediction of losing by 4 times. We feel intense anxiety about losing, but when we face the loss situation, we don't feel as sad as we expected.
So what is the reason for this situation? Why are we so afraid of losing and giving up? People don't lose Before experiencing this situation, they only have guesses about this situation. However, we may experience this loss situation later. We may get a low grade on the exam we take, we may lose a loved one, we may lose an important candidate election, or we may lose our job. And when the loss actually happens, the coping process comes into play. This is a completely automatic process. Our defense mechanisms, self-validation, and motivation are all included in this process. Think about past memories where you experienced the feeling of loss very intensely. In all of them we found a way to move on, to rationalize the situation, and it just happened. Because when loss occurs, this automatic process comes into play and allows us to adapt. And because we are not aware of the coping processes that help us, we cannot accurately predict our emotions before experiencing the loss, so we exaggerate the sadness we think we will experience. However, after experiencing the same type of situations a few times, we learn that we will not be as upset as we thought and we begin to be less afraid of giving up.
To summarize briefly, gains and losses always exist and will always exist in human life. Our thought processes and emotional predictions about these situations may not always be accurate. Our lives are full of ropes that we cannot give up because we are afraid of losing, and that injure our palms because we hold on tightly. But these ropes that we want to let go of and cannot let go of because we are afraid of getting upset will only tire us out.
Now throw away the remaining regret inside you and let go of the 'I can't live without him' words. Throw away the ones you are waiting for and the ones who never come. Throw away that sentence you can never forget, the possibilities you're stuck with, that last night, the memory book you can't bear to throw away but it hurts every time you look at it. Throw away your relationships that didn't work, your revenges that you couldn't get, and your wishes. Let go of anyone you want to give up on but can't because you're afraid of losing them.
Remember, you won't be as sad as you think.
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