Stubbornness in Children

Stubbornness is one of the most frequently mentioned problems by parents. Stubborn children are common in the personality development process. Stubbornness is not something we encounter only in childhood. It also occurs in adolescence and adulthood. Efforts to have one's existence accepted, curiosity to explore, desire to be noticed, and efforts to have one's existence accepted as an individual can lead to stubbornness. Whatever the reason, our children can be extremely stubborn and persistent on some issues. It can be seen that sometimes the child who enters the process of becoming stubborn can become stubborn just to contradict the person in front of him, even though he does not know what he wants. Parents who are unaware of this situation may experience unnecessary conflicts with their children, and these conflicts wear out both the parent, the child, and the relationship. Most importantly, stubbornness can lead to miscommunication with parents and self-confidence problems in the child. Research has shown that stubbornness causes stress in the child and negatively affects the child's growth and development.

It is thought that the strict and insistent attitude towards toilet training and eating habits, especially in childhood, creates a stubborn personality structure in the child. A stubborn child may exhibit “passive aggressive” behavior. For example, he acts slowly in everything he does, manages to be late for school despite warnings, does not say he will not work, but does not work even if he sits at a desk. The stubborn child gets stubborn with family members at home and with teachers and friends at school. He is incompatible and incompatible with his friends. He cannot make friends easily.

REASONS FOR STUBBORNNESS

• Lack of love and communication

• The child's interest and If their needs are not met on time

• The child becomes stubborn and tries to attract attention.

• Emotional or physical abuse or punishment to the child

• Discrimination between siblings or comparison of the child

• Parental attitudes that involve too much, talk, warn, are oppressive or overprotective.

• Not giving the child the right to have a say in the family.

• Inconsistent behavior of the parent towards the child. For example, the father saying "no" to a situation where the mother says "yes"

• Conflict between the child's wishes and the parents' wishes. For example, when a teenager wants to go on a school trip at the weekend, his family tells him that he needs to study.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE FAMILY IN DEALING WITH STUBBORN BEHAVIOR IN THE CHILD In the process of becoming stubborn; The severity of stubbornness, its duration and how to solve the problem that caused the crisis are important. In case of stubbornness, some points should be taken into consideration.

To give suggestions to the family in dealing with the child's stubborn behavior:

• In cases where the child becomes stubborn, his attention should be directed elsewhere.

• One should not try to talk or make an agreement with the child when he/she is angry

• The child in the early stages of development and the parent who has progressed in the development process are two fiercely competing sides in the game. It is not. Parents should not forget this and should not be stubborn with the child

• The child should be supported in developing self-esteem

• There should be no power struggle with the child and stubbornness should not be encouraged in the child

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• Most importantlyWhen a conflict occurs with a child, care should be taken to speak in a soft and conciliatory tone of voice, without forgetting that the child is just a child and without adopting an angry attitude.

• There should be sweet authority and rules in the child's life

• Parents should develop a common attitude regarding the discipline to be applied and the rules to be set in raising children

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• The reasons for the rules should be explained to the child briefly and clearly.

• The rules should be reasonable and consistent

• Some rules should be set together with the child

• It should not be forgotten that the child's stubbornness will be temporary due to parental attitudes.

• The child should be offered options so that The child will think that he is recognized as an independent individual, that his decisions are respected, and will stop being stubborn.

• Why can't the child do what he wants? The situation should be explained in a clear and understandable language and the wishes should be fulfilled when they do not become stubborn

• The child should be encouraged to share emotionally with the parent

• Being told no breaks your self-confidence. Care should be taken

• Communication should be made with positive sentences as much as possible instead of negative sentences

• The parent's oppressive/authoritarian/overprotective/unbalanced attitudes may affect the child. It should not be forgotten that it increases stubbornness behavior

• Telling the child FIRST SAYING NO AND THEN YES causes the child to become stubborn on the next issue until his/her wish is fulfilled.

• The parent should help the child on how to establish healthy communication with his/her friends and other adults

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