Why do people think they deserve the best of everything? Is it possible to get the best of everything in life? More importantly, what is actually the best of everything? And if I deserve the best of everything and millions of people like me think they deserve better, then who gets the really good one?
The need to write something about this topic comes from my observations of the trend of parenting, which was in vogue for a while, putting the child at the center of the world in an unlimited and free manner, raising the child with the message of how special he is and deserves the best of everything. appeared. If you ask what the above questions have to do with this issue, let me explain: A generation emerged that could not reach the point they wanted and blamed others for it. With the enlightenment they experienced in their adulthood (this shouldn't be the case), the idea that "we should not raise our children like this, let them live for others like us, let them live for themselves, have high self-confidence" emerged. So was that a bad thing? In theory no. Then why did it become a problem?
Life is unfortunately not 2X2=4. Whatever the extremes, life teaches the opposite in a more painful way. Children who grow up saying, "Oh, my child should not live for others, let him live for himself, let him make his own decisions, be free, not be restricted, grow up self-confident, I offer the best of everything for him"; Maybe they were loved in their families, they had a very high self-confidence, they believed that they could do anything and they believed that they deserve the best of everything and therefore they will get it. So, is this how things work in the outside world? Unfortunately no. When those children encounter the realities of the outside world, then narcissistic fractures begin to form in their selves. And for those who experience this at a relatively later age, the consequences of these fractures begin to be much more difficult.
Imagine, who believes that everything deserves the best and even has to strive for it. someone who does not think (because throughout his childhood, oh my daughter/son, he was brought up with endless possibilities by saying that you deserve the best of everything) that life is not really such a place, that it is necessary to try hard to achieve something good, and even sometimes there are situations where he cannot achieve those things even if he tries. What does he experience when he sees it? It is a great destruction because it is completely against the self and the perception of the world. You know, he deserved the best of everything, and the best would come and find him anyway?
Everyone experiences this breakup at some point in their life. In the family environment, children who step into the school environment actually encounter a kind of real life. There are many children there now, not just themselves, and this is how they gradually begin to realize that they are not really that special in a society. This is the healthy one, so actually every child experiences a narcissistic break in the beginning of school and learns to cope with it in this way. But in situations where this is not allowed to happen (parents who constantly see their child differently from other children and treat him as if he is, being in an attitude that blames the school, teacher or other child, parent, in case of any negativity), he learns from the negative situations that the child has experienced, and he can transform himself. It is prevented from finding items to improve. For children who are carried to advanced ages in this way and who are not given the opportunity to cope with it at every breaking point in life, narcissistic fractures are experienced much more painfully in adulthood. This situation in adulthood; It can lead to basic problems such as not being able to take the responsibilities of his own life, constantly blaming others, not being able to stand on his own feet, not being able to hold on to his work, not being able to establish a healthy partner relationship.
The importance of instilling love and self-confidence in the child in the family cannot be denied, but with this love and self-confidence, it is necessary to allow space for the child's coping mechanism to develop. In this sense, I do not question the way of creating a world where the child never encounters any problems and does not touch a stone, and raising him in a bubble that will protect him from all the evils of the outside world, with the idea that he is only special. I think it should flow.
NOTE: Although this article is not a child-rearing advice, my aim is to encourage individuals to question both themselves and their children, if any.
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