Since addictive behaviors are usually caused by parental attitudes, families need to review their own attitudes. Do not be overprotective and the child should be given the ability to work independently. Parents should know the difference between being dependent and being dependent.
EVERY too much of anything is harmful. Too much love and the way it is reflected to the other side can sometimes be harmful.
Although the first thing that comes to mind when "addiction" is alcohol, tobacco, drug and technology addiction, she is extremely dependent on her children, is protective, thinks everything in advance for them, There are mothers who plan and do. Of course, their intentions are good, they want the best for their child, but when the dose is not well-adjusted, trouble begins for both parties.
What is the difference between being dependent and being dependent? Being dependent gives the message “I love you and I can't live without you”, while being attached gives the message “I love you, but I can live without you”. There is a very strong and special bond between mother and child by nature. This bond is very important for the development of the child and for him to be a healthy individual in the future. While the lack of this bond causes severe psychological problems (such as personality disorders), its excess can turn into addiction. Exaggerated dependence of the mother on the child can lead to some negativities in the child's life. Let him learn to fly with his own wings. You won't be with him every time he falls. Life is not rosy. Let him see all the colors of life. Otherwise they will blame you later. Let him recognize the emotions. There is not only happiness in life; There is also sadness, anger and anger and we cannot ignore them.
The child who is not allowed to prepare for life will have to lead a dependent life on others. Parents may see their children as an extension or continuation of their own, and they may be more protective of them than usual. While doing this, they want to do things that the child can do on their own, just for fear of harming the child.
We always think we know what's best for them; everything he wanted in life The child, who is made by others and whose ties with the social environment are almost built around him, and who is tried to be raised in a glass jar, when the time comes and has to meet the world and life, will feel the lack of parents and will blame the parents by experiencing great confusion.
What problems may the child of an addicted mother face at school?
A lack of self-confidence and, as a result, school phobia may begin in children who are dependent on their mother. The child may express that he does not want to go to school with various excuses (such as stomachache, nausea). Adaptation problems at school, problems in friendships, shyness, shyness and irritable behaviors can be seen.
In cases where addiction develops, it is seen that the child's adaptation problems to school take a long time. In this case, children do not want to go to school, hug their mothers and cry, and exhibit shy and sometimes irritable attitudes towards the teacher and everyone in the school. Does not participate in school activities, reacts. Her mother always wants her to stay with her or not.
Is your child addicted?
If she expects support from you even for things she can do alone, if she has maladaptive behaviors when you are not with her, Your child may be dependent on you if he or she has problems in socializing, does not want to go to school, cannot do anything independently, has difficulty in society, needs support in every decision-making process, cannot do his homework alone, cannot adapt in the group.
The addicted child behaves more childlike than his age, whether at home or at school. He is not sociable and lacks self-confidence. He is afraid to act on his own, to take responsibility, even in easy tasks. He can't help but have someone to watch over him, he snuggles with his mother at home. She always wants to be loved and caressed. Since he does not cause problems at school, he comes under the protection of his teacher. He is always taken care of because of his goodness and timidity. This attitude of the environment makes him more timid. Over time, the addicted child learns to use this weakness and insecurity as a defense tool. A child who is fed and drunk at home, who is not taken for granted, who turns out to be his teacher's girlfriend at school, cannot easily break the circle of addiction. (Yörükoğlu,1998)
We can list the negativities she may experience in her future life as follows: Difficulty in establishing or establishing a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, difficulty in taking responsibility in her work and private life, and indecision, inability to cope with stress, not knowing how to behave in case of stress...
In our country According to studies, 1 out of every 10 mothers is addicted to their children. When mothers are asked, they say that they have everything for their children, their spouses and work come later, and they completely ignore themselves. There is only one world and that world is the wishes of its children and their children. They continue their lives by ignoring themselves and other people.
Not giving importance to herself, not being able to take up hobbies after the child is born, putting the things she loved to do before after the birth of the child, following the child's every move and other actions. she dedicates herself completely to her child. If the interlocutor is a working mother, upon her child and her wishes, alienation from work and a lack of tolerance begin. Because she is unable to focus on her work because of thinking about her child.
Excessive self-sacrifice is not a sign of good motherhood. When we look at the results of this, it is seen that these children cannot be individualized. When they are adults, they have difficulty in making decisions and taking responsibility on their own. In the face of difficulties, they assign the responsibility to someone else. Because they don't know what to do in stressful situations (because they had a mother who thought of everything instead), they falter. As a result, anxious individuals become insecure. Afterwards, we come across people who cannot take/can not take the responsibility of their marriage if they are married for this reason. They experience problems such as intense anxiety and panic attacks.
Mothers should be "attached" when raising children, not dependent on them. Mothers who are dependent on their children have difficulty in accepting that their children are getting married and may affect their marriage. When we look at the marriages of these individuals, what we see is that they have a one-person world. Themselves and their own needs… Their mother is a fan around them again… A character who tries to fulfill all his wishes so that his son or daughter will not be upset… Even, even, married children On some grounds, even the mother takes on the responsibility of her child in the house. Paying the bills, buying the kitchen needs, even taking her grandchild to the doctor if any... As long as the child of the dependent mother does not get stressed and upset! That's why the mother bears all the burden alone. Although he thinks that he is doing good and making sacrifices, it is wrong!
He is not aware that by doing this, he is not making his own child happy, but unhappy. With the insistence of the environment, this type of mother says when she comes to seek psychological support: “I am a very devoted mother, I gave everything too much, I did it, but my child is very unhappy!” And he insists on not seeing the wrongdoing in his own behavior as the reason for this unhappiness.
The dependent child of an addicted mother cannot establish a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. Because he is not alone, he always has his mother with him. This type cannot plan a life for two. He feels compelled to include his mother in his plans. If he is thinking of a trip with his wife or friend, he wants his mother with him. If you are going to dinner, the mother has to be too. Or, he feels the need to call and explain every step he takes and get approval.
Suggestions to families
It is important to encourage the child to do the things he can do from a young age. Since addictive behaviors usually stem from parental attitudes, families need to review their own attitudes. Do not be overprotective and the child should be given the ability to work independently. Parents should know the difference between being dependent and being dependent.
According to research, children who grow up in a tolerant and democratic environment tend to express their opinions freely. In addition, the desire for self-control begins at an earlier age in these children. The fact that parents support their children and help them when they are in a difficult situation facilitates the development of a sense of independence in children.
If the addicted mother gets better, if she accepts that the situation she is in is wrong, her child will also get better. Addiction is a psychological problem and support is essential. The child cannot change unless the mother changes. It should be the mother who takes the first step. She must first take time for herself and do something for herself. Take up hobbies at this point
Mental health is as important as physical health. By getting support, you will open a new window in your life. I wish you to always see the beauties from that window...
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