Have you ever thought about why you don't want your child to cry? In general, I think the answers are similar. Yes, when he cries, you may think that he is in pain, or you may think that he is unhappy, and when you look at it with this thought, his crying makes you uneasy. However, at this point the purpose of crying is largely misunderstood. If we look at the issue culturally, living in a society that associates crying with suffering may push us to this thought, but it is important to give children the freedom to shed tears. When the ancients see someone crying, they advise 'cry, you will feel relieved'. In fact, this advice becomes important from time to time because it has been scientifically proven that crying helps remove toxins from the body and reduces tension. To explain why it is necessary for children to cry from time to time and what you should/should not do when your child cries; We can start with the importance of not ignoring the child. Distraction and giving food/toys to the child in order to save the moment will put both the parent and the child in trouble in the long run. Since we make an identification in our cultural background between not crying and being strong, we are prone to transfer this to our children. Therefore, we do not want our child to cry because we are worried that he will become weak. Even though we have grown up with this culture, it is possible to give our children the freedom to cry. In such cases, our only goal should not be to silence the child. It is important to accept the child's feelings and make him/her feel understood. By saying, "You must be really sad right now, I can listen to you after you calm down if you want." In addition to giving the child the freedom to shed tears, we also make him feel accepted.
You may think that your child is crying for no reason. Sometimes he may start crying because he doesn't like the glass of fruit juice he drinks, or sometimes because he can't find his pens. However, these cries are usually caused by the accumulation of previous pain. He may cry violently for such small reasons due to the accumulation of situations where his needs are not taken into account, he feels that he is not understood, and he does not get the reaction he wants. This is k� They can express their accumulated anger by using trivial things as an excuse. They are actually giving you a message with these seemingly unreasonable cries because we do not expect to hear the sentence 'I don't feel understood' from a child. He probably shows this to you by crying.
Mothers and fathers who try to stop crying at all costs will later realize that the child suppresses the accumulated anger and sadness and restrains himself not to cry, because children whose parents try to stop them in this way will realize that crying is not safe and They begin to internalize that it is a behavior that needs to be stopped. They may develop habits such as thumb sucking, bottle addiction, or attachment to a toy because they think they cannot cry in an uncomfortable situation, when they are in a bad mood, or when they need to release their accumulated pain. Because they find these objects safer than crying, they substitute them for crying. In this case, you should make the child feel that you are a safe person with whom he can cry. If you want to minimize crying, you should let him guide you in a half-hour game that you play every day and show that you accept his feelings. Your child will gradually establish this bond of trust with you.
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