In this article, I wanted to cover one of the romantic relationship problems, psychological violence. Because unlike physical and sexual violence, it is very difficult to prove its existence when it comes to psychological violence. It is possible to miss it because there are no concrete evidences or open wounds. In addition, it is a difficult process for the person to realize that he has been exposed to psychological violence by his partner and to get rid of this violence.
Do you often feel like you are inadequate? Are the values you care about not respected? Are you restricted from expressing your feelings and thoughts? If your answer to these questions is yes, you may be subject to psychological violence. In fact, there are many forms of discourse and behavior by which we can recognize psychological violence. Before I talk about these signs, I want to tell you a story.
Ayşe has been feeling very sad lately that she has not been able to express herself in her relationship. She often finds herself trying to convince Ahmet that she doesn't love or think about anyone else. In order to convince Ahmet, she shares screenshots of social media and phone calls, and allows her to enter her personal accounts. Since the beginning of the relationship, Ayşe had to report wherever she went, where she was and with whom. Feeling trapped now, Ayşe decided to talk to Ahmet.
It is not right for her to interfere so much in her life, because she is an individual other than being Ahmet's lover, because she wants to spend free time with her friends, and when she is somewhere else, her mind wanders. He mentioned that he was stuck with Ahmet's reactions and did not feel peaceful. While I hope Ahmet will understand him, "I'm bored of you, I want to talk to other men, you say that!" she witnessed him shout. If Ayşe loved Ahmet, she had to keep up with the world and the rules that Ahmet knew. Besides, she shouldn't have bothered him with such nonsense because she was nervous because of her job. This conversation ended with Ahmet's words: If you continue to bore me so much and overwhelm me with your questions, I will walk away from you. As a result, if he doesn't spruce himself up He would lose Ahmet's love and be responsible for Ahmet's actions. In addition to jealousy-based psychological violence, we can reach many different stories by changing the location of the actors or making minor changes in the scenario. Although the first thing that comes to mind is that women are exposed to this violence, we can say that men are also exposed to emotional manipulations. Although the stories vary, the underlying emotion of such relationship patterns is the same: Fear. Fear of being abandoned, being alone, and being exposed. These feelings are caused by the partner's use of emotional force. Mostly, the state of shouting, swearing and humiliating acts to exert pressure and to exert pressure attracts attention. On the other hand, blackmail and threats, which we frequently encounter these days, are among these behaviors. The message is given that what is shared during the special time between two people (such as a memory, a photo, a confession) and love will be safe if certain conditions are met. The person has no control over their relationship or their own life.
Psychological violence takes shape in words and attitudes in anticipation of obedience. There can be many reasons for giving in to the partner's expectation of obedience. For example, if there is fear of family and society, ways to get rid of unhealthy relationships are often sought alone. Or they try to adapt to expectations due to lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and fear. We can also see that people who insist on staying in such relationships have a dependent personality pattern. They cannot see that they are involved in pathological relationship patterns. They may continue to stay in unhealthy relationships because of their need to be loved and their fear of losing their partner. In this case, they are stuck between feelings of helplessness and loneliness.
Of course, there must be mutual sacrifices in the relationship process. But the rate of these sacrifices and by whom they are determined is very important. In togetherness, individuals protect their own space and boundaries no matter what. must have. As predicted, an individual who cannot live his/her self will not be able to assimilate being a couple. Although we see our partners as our supporters in good and bad times, we need to keep in mind that no one is responsible for us and that we are as valuable as anyone else. We need to be able to live all our roles, without forgetting that we have many roles such as women, men, friends, children, unlike our role in our relationship. Otherwise, we feel that we are running out of oxygen in the relationship.
Another dimension related to psychological violence is the feeling of guilt. Your partner's attitudes and words may make you feel guilty for disagreements, separations and cheating in the relationship. In such an atmosphere, when you are emotionally neglected or exposed to the anger of your partner, you hear that it is your fault. If your sense of guilt is used, you are responsible for the negativities in the relationship. Therefore, you may endure excessive criticism, threats, humiliation, indifference, control, and lies. In other words, you may be subject to psychological violence to avoid being responsible for losing and hurting your partner and to get rid of the guilt that keeps you up at night. >
Issuing obstacles in the way you can be successful
Feeling pressure to do things you don't want
Provoking yourself to injustice feeling as if you are suffering
Feeling spiritually worn out
Your words are denied and you are made a liar
You have been slandered
You have been subjected to humiliating gestures and facial expressions
Imitation of your behavior
Speaking in an angry tone
Interruption
Your being humiliated in social situations
Your partner's irritable temperament, family and work problems are not sufficient to explain the above-mentioned attitudes and behaviors. When your boundaries and spaces are violated, it's a good idea to review the signs of mobbing. there will be no harm. What do you think?
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