Divorce is a complex sociological phenomenon with legal, economic, cultural, social and psychological causes and effects. The process that starts with marital conflicts continues with separation, legal divorce and the establishment of a new life. Divorce, which is a complex family situation, affects all family members. The splitting of the family unit is the beginning of a new situation that is especially complicated for children.
Reactions of School Age Children to Divorce
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Experiencing lost feelings (such as loss of interest, loss of parents.)
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Experiencing feelings of fear, sadness, depression and insecurity,
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Experiencing feelings of rejection and abandonment,
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Panic reactions and sleep disturbances,
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Fear of the future,
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Less playing and less from outdoor activities enjoyment,
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Fall in school success,
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Change in peer relations,
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Don't blame yourself for divorce.
In the researches, children whose parents are divorced and children whose parents are together were compared and it was found that the children with divorced parents had higher depression scores and anxiety levels, and the level of self-esteem was higher. lower adult well-being, higher levels of depression and stress, and more psychological, behavioral, and interpersonal problems. Minimizing these negative effects is possible by avoiding the wrong attitudes of parents during and after the divorce process.
Divorce has positive effects as well as negative effects. Negative attitudes and behaviors they witness in the family can cause psychological trauma and lead to personality disorders in the future. When the conflict between parents is over, the child can start better relationships with their parents. Ending the conflict in the family environment positively affects the long-term well-being of the child. Choosing a divorce for a healthy family environment may be a better decision in some cases.
The Effects of Divorce on Children's Social Skills
Social skills are socially acceptable. can be defined as plausible behaviors. Social skills are the emotions, thoughts, attitudes and behaviors that enable children to be accepted in the social environment and lead to positive social relations. Thanks to these skills, children can establish healthy relationships. In short, social skills; It is to receive and analyze information in interpersonal relations, and to exhibit correct and acceptable behaviors.
Individuals begin to acquire their social skills from the pre-school period. Children are under the influence of stimuli coming from the social environment they are in, and these stimuli affect the development of the child positively or negatively. The family acts as a model for the child in the development of social skills. Children learn these skills from their relationships with their parents or caregivers. Later, siblings, peers and other adults join this social circle and social skills begin to form with this interaction. The development of social and adaptation skills in the child's early years forms the basis of social adaptation and skills in adulthood. A child who grows up with love in a safe family environment learns the norms of society, knowledge and skills related to daily life, and how to adapt to life.
Parents are an important source of emotional support, information, guidance and supervision for the child. The social skills of children with divorced families who have lost the resource are affected by this situation. It has been found that the social and cognitive competences of the children are lower in families where the conflict between spouses is high. It has been found that divorced parents are less able to control their children's anger behaviors, and their ability to adapt to changes is lower. It has been seen that they are more unsuccessful in coping with peer pressure, and their verbal explanation and listening skills are lower. These children are more unsuccessful in accepting and accepting the results, setting goals and fulfilling responsibilities. They worry about what to say. The divorce should be told to the child when the final decision is made and proceedings are initiated. The age of the child should be taken into account, if necessary u assistance should be sought.
Some suggestions that parents can apply to reduce the negative effects of divorce on children:
Parents should explain the divorce decision and the reason for the divorce to the child together.
Divorce can create feelings of fear and abandonment on children. In such a situation, children need consistency and order. The child should be informed about the changes that will occur in his life after the divorce. Any parent leaving the home must be notified in advance. Issues such as what will be the family order after the divorce, who will live with whom and where, and which school the child will attend should be discussed openly. Conflicts should not be transferred to the child and the child should not be allowed to take sides.
Divorce causes children to experience different emotions at the same time. Children should be encouraged to express their feelings and frequently asked by parents that they are ready to listen.
The child should not be expected to act like an adult.
Parents should make joint decisions about their children even if they are separating, and they should be consistent in implementing these decisions.
Money and economic issues should not be discussed with the child.
Children may blame themselves for the divorce and feel unloved by their parents. While the decision to divorce is being told to the children, it should be said that the love of their parents for them has not decreased, and their responsibility and love as a parent continues. Parents should often tell their children that the divorce is not their fault.
Children acquire social skills by modeling and imitating their parents. Parents should continue to be a model for their children.
In this process, children's communication with their peers should not be disrupted, and children should continue to socialize.
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