We can place a protruding puzzle piece next to a recessed one. If we can enter an area, a suitable place has been opened for us so we can enter. Sometimes actions do not match words, in this case we look at what is happening and find ourselves doing whatever the course is. We don't think much about it, and somehow we find ourselves in certain behaviors.
I started with such an abstract explanation in order to understand the situations we complain about. Now let me give an example to make this concrete; Person A complains that his relatives interfere with him too much. He states that he is an adult and that he will decide whatever he does, and that he is dissatisfied with people giving him advice such as "do this, do this, now do that". He responds angrily to the commands and advice given to him, saying, "You can't tell me what to do!"
So, is he right? Yes.
Will an angry warning to his relatives stop them? No.
So who is responsible for people treating him like this? Or how can he solve the problem of people giving him advice?
Being an adult begins when we take responsibility for our lives. Explanations such as "this happened because of him", "everything would have been better if they hadn't done this to me", "he ruined my life" take us away from being adults and make our problems even more unsolvable.
If this happened because of him, something else will happen tomorrow because of that. Unless we take control, something will always happen to us. In fact, things always happen to us, the point is; It's what we do about the things that happen to us.
Going back to the previous example; We see that person A conflicts with people who interfere with his life, and yet somehow finds himself doing what they say. In other words, while he says don't interfere with me with his words, he almost says tell me what to do with his actions. He allows his relatives to manage him in this way. His relatives also learned that there were borders in Person A's area that could be entered, and they occupied him as if to say, "If there is an opening, let's enter too." In this case, no matter how much A complains and how much he conflicts, he cannot protect himself.
P How do things change?
Things do not change overnight, we must first realize the system we are in. “If this is a puzzle board, which piece am I?” We must find this and see the role assigned to us in the system. We must understand how we feel and what behavior we tend towards in the face of what is expected of us. If A manages to prevent his relatives from interfering with him before he realizes this realization, he will still be open to other interference from others tomorrow. The important thing is not to repel the flies, but to dry the swamp.
Your spouse, colleague, father, etc. If he doesn't take any responsibility, if you've tried every way and still can't solve this problem, look, are you taking his responsibilities? Do things really go wrong when he doesn't take responsibility, or is everything compensated somehow? If the rest is already taken care of and someone is putting things in order, why should he take responsibility?
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