Today's people are racing against time, we are all running around with the expectation of a perfect life, to be successful or to make a living. Now, when I look at couples getting married, everything from kitchenware to furniture is paid for by their parents to make a dowry. Everything the house needs, right down to the tea strainer, is determined and purchased. Couples do not experience difficulties in obtaining something or saving money with an income, everything is ready. This issue seems to be a matter of pride among adults who compete to be good parents. We bought this, we bought that, we bought that brand, we even bought this brand, there are even parents who buy houses for newlywed couples. Now I can hear what you have to say, why shouldn't well-off people buy it? If you buy the house or their car, these people will not be married... They will be living in a separate house with what you bought... All that is left for them is to meet their daily needs and make ends meet. Now I will share something with you. The most incompatibility is seen in these couples. Because of the high expectations and the infinity of desire, couples fail to realize the state we call "we" consciousness, and they do not appreciate anything because they have acquired it without making any effort. Naturally, couples who exaggerate the smallest problem can start a fight over the ironing of their trousers and easily throw themselves into the pit of unhappiness.
Of course, this story does not happen suddenly. The child is not allowed to eat while he is just starting to eat. It is very difficult for the mother and her cub to be separated. Mothers both want their children to be individualized and yet they have difficulty in separating themselves. When the child is first born, he has a hard time internalizing the concept of self and other. Today's mothers adopt a dependent relationship with the child. Last year, a mother who came to the office said the following about her son, who is over 4 years old:
-We don't say when we need to pee and we are always constipated
I immediately said, 'I hope you get well soon, I'm sorry you are constipated too.' After a brief astonishment, she said that she was not constipated, but that her 4-year-old son had a problem. In this case, if his mother could poop instead of her son, I'm sure she would want to do it. There was no physical problem with the child. There were wrong messages given to the child regarding the mother's attitude and perception. After talking with the mother for a while, the issue became clear. The child immediately received the new messages correctly and the problem was solved.
I'm speaking including myself as mothers, we want to wrap our children in cotton wool, we don't want them to get hurt. We try to do our best for them and do it for them. Everything is good so far, but life is not like that...
Now I'm asking you, have you ever lost sleep while trying to run your own business?
I'm asking you, mothers, housewives, employees, cooking, dishes and ironing are all under your feet. Didn't it hurt at all?....
Have you ever had trouble trying to balance a lot of things?..
Have you ever had to pay installments for some things while trying to buy anything (house, car)? Why didn't you give up?.
Your children also have to live in this life. Children who grow up with the attitude of "it's not mine, it's his/hers", see themselves at the peak of narcissism, and when they grow up, they neither like a job nor a spouse... At the end of the day, your child, for whom you have put up with every effort so that he/she will not suffer, may come to your door saying "we couldn't do it, we are getting divorced", which you have bought, from the tea strainer to the tea strainer, for which you have paid the installments with a lot of effort. Of course, you are the one who is affected the most by your child's unhappiness...
Let's not forget that we called them to this world, of course we have responsibilities, but let's not forget our only responsibility. The most important thing is to guide them well and love them endlessly... We do not have any problems in loving, thank God, but good guidance The issue is both controversial and troublesome….
Understanding this is the first thing we need to do… Be assured that complaining about this issue will not lead you and your family to a solution. Give both yourself and your child time to get good guidance and fix this situation…
With love…..
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