I said I would write something relevant to the agenda in this column, but... It is very painful to write for such reasons.. We are going through difficult times. We need more patience, healthy thinking and unity.
Unfortunately, we have had losses and each of their homes is now a place of mourning. Death is of course inevitable, but unexpected deaths and losses hurt people more. Both adults and children experience grief, and children learn concepts such as "death and mourning" from adults, from whom they learn everything.
While adults can experience this emotion by crying, getting angry, or in other ways, and actually feel relieved, what is the situation like for children? How we explain death to children and the way we experience mourning are decisive.
When explaining "Death", please tell children; Do not say things that are not true, such as "He is sleeping, he will come". "Death" should be expressed clearly, simply and briefly to all children, including pre-schoolers, according to their age and mental state. Again, before school, we should not delve too much into religious concepts in these explanations. The child, who is in the concrete operational stage, will not be able to understand these and will still feel confused. Even though we try to find careful words, the truth of the matter is to clearly tell the child that that person is dead and will not come back. Let's write a few example sentences: “Your grandfather is dead, he will not live anymore. Animals, plants, people are born, grow and die. You can make short and clear explanations such as "While we are alive, we breathe, walk, talk, but your grandfather will not be able to do these things anymore." If he says that death has something to do with him, it is normal for the 3-6 age period and you can say that this situation has nothing to do with him.
And the news of death is given to the child (regardless of his age) not by a stranger or someone else, but by the person closest to him. It should be given by the person.
If your children ask you whether you will die one day, you can answer like "I will be with you for a long time, we will be together and we will experience very good things." If your child wants to talk about it, let him talk and share his feelings. If he cries, then this is a completely normal and expected reaction. Do not warn him not to cry, be with him and experience his feelings. let it happen.
By the way, I would like to point out that reflecting these emotions is very important for adults and that I do not find it right to immediately sedative people who have lost a very close relative (spouse, sibling, child). It is most natural for a person to experience pain and react. Inhibiting this prevents the person from experiencing the pain and feeling, and the mourning process can turn into a pathological and longer process.
Adults and children may give physical, spiritual and emotional reactions during this process. The duration, severity and frequency of these reactions indicate whether the grief is pathological or not. Especially if these symptoms are the same or continue to increase after the first 6 months, it is necessary to seek support from an expert.
I hope the bad days and news will end with spring..
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