Blending a family is like cooking a meal and takes time.'
Remarrying a second spouse is a common situation after spouses divorce from each other or the loss of one of the spouses. However, children and adolescents meet their stepparents. Although stepparenting has a stereotypically negative image in society, this is not always the case. On the contrary, stepparents want to establish good relations with their stepchildren and strengthen the family unity. Being a stepparent is both challenging and rewarding. At first, this new role may make you anxious. It must be acknowledged that this process is difficult and requires responsibility. Progressing slowly and improving your relationship with your stepchild will help you go through this process more calmly.
Rewarding aspects of being a stepparent;
The chance to take on an important role in a child's life
Having a large family bond and having support
A chance to develop a strong bond and relationship with your child's step-siblings
A chance to strengthen the bond between your spouse and their child
The challenges of being a step-parent;
A place where everyone knows each other You may feel a bit left out when you enter the family.
Your stepchild may reject you, ignore you, or become uncomfortable and shy around you. It can be difficult to deal with this and find a way that is good for both of you.
You may receive negative reactions or criticism from your stepchild's other parent. Especially if the other parent does not want a relationship with your child, this may also affect the child's behavior.
If you have your own child, you may feel upset that you treat your own child differently, or you may think that your spouse does not treat your child fairly.
You may not agree with your new spouse regarding parenting attitudes. . Or, as a stepmother, you may feel under a lot of pressure to be responsible for the child's care, and as a stepfather, to be responsible for the child's discipline.
Knowing all these rewarding and challenging aspects in advance will help in this process.
Many stepfathers The parent goes to great lengths to quickly establish a bond. Of course, with good intentions, most step parents n To win the love of his stepchildren, he buys many gifts or adopts a very supportive attitude. It is important to understand that children understand your intention. In this case, being realistic and presenting yourself as you are will be more useful. Building a close bond takes a long time. Spending family time with your stepchild provides an opportunity to understand how they feel, learn about their likes and dislikes, and their thoughts, both positive and negative. Here, you can get their opinions and produce solutions together to solve problems and strengthen family communication. You can plan activities that you can do with your stepchild. Like riding a bike, going to the cinema, theatre, shopping, going to the playground, cooking dinner together. You can repeat these often. Developing experiences together is the best way to bond with your child. This way you get to know each other; You will discover important parts of his life such as his favorite foods, favorite artists, friends, dreams and so on. It is very important that you support your stepchild to spend one-on-one time with his birth parents. This gives your child the message that you are not in competition with your spouse's ex-wife or husband for the child's affection, and that what you really want is for your stepchild to be happy. The child also needs to know that he is loved by his birth parent and that it is not his fault that his parents separated. Even though their parents are divorced, they will be relieved to know that both of them have an important place in their lives.
The point that step parents, especially those who also have biological children, should pay attention to is not to set their expectations too high. In this respect, when the new parent joins the family, he thinks that he will establish the same feelings and bond with his stepchild as he has with his own child. But this is forgotten here. While you spend a lot of time and sharing with your own child, this time is very little with your stepchild. Your aim here is not to fill a gap but to establish a new and unique bond. Give your new family time to create their own internal dynamic without feeling pressured.
The biggest mistake step parents make is to put too much pressure on their child in order to gain respect. is trying to discipline. This often backfires and causes the child to object even more. In this regard, at least for the first year, we should stay back a little and leave the child's discipline to the parent. However, it is important to be consistent with your partner regarding discipline. However, supporting and appreciating your child's good deeds with a positive attitude will affect his/her attitude towards you.
Be prepared to hear the sentence 'You are not my real mother / father'. Your stepchild will want to take the power that the parenting role gives you. And have a suitable answer ready. The most important thing is not to deny this sentence your child tells you. Don't get into a power struggle. An answer like this might be useful to you. ' You are right, I am not your real mother / father, I am your step mother / father, but this does not mean that I am less curious and love you.'
One of the important points is to take some things personally. Remember that your stepchild is trying to deal with his or her own emotions. Many children believe that when their parents divorce, they will reconcile and get back together. But when a stepparent enters the picture, the presence of this new person signals the end of a dream. Children mourn the loss of this hope and it takes time to get used to this situation. Children are affected by life changes. Especially moving, changing schools, illness, losing a loved one, losing a pet, etc. In such cases, children may show some behavioral problems because they have difficulty coping with their emotions. If we think about stepparenting, the most important of these are aggression-oriented behavior problems; It can appear in various forms such as defiance, stubbornness, fits of anger or crying, damaging property, and self-harm. Another symptom of emotional difficulty is anxiety-focused problems; At a young age, you may encounter bedwetting, toilet leakage, obsessive behavior, nail biting, thumb sucking, eating and sleeping problems. Introversion or introversion is another symptom you may observe. Especially during these periods of change, adolescents may become very introverted, talk less, laugh less, cry secretly, listen to music all day, stop studying, and avoid social environments. Ba On the contrary, adolescents are outgoing, always want to spend time with their friends, and attach great importance to the bonds they establish with them. It is important to observe and follow all the above symptoms. You can find solutions through these. At this point, it is useful to get the support of your spouse. You can also find out whether the symptoms you observe are repeated in the birth mother's presence, and you can identify the factors that stress your stepchild and work to eliminate them. However, in cases where you have great difficulty, you may consider getting support from an expert.
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