Since the coronavirus entered our lives, many changes have occurred in all of our lives. Our daily routines have changed. Our couple relationship was also affected by this change. Many companies allowed their employees to work from home. Therefore, this situation creates the opportunity for couples to spend more time with each other. This situation causes many problems to occur. One of the things I often tell my clients is that partners need to spend time alone and that this is important for their relationships to progress in a healthy way. Unfortunately, we do not have the means to realize this these days. It is very difficult to be alone at home, let alone go out and socialize.
Although the coronavirus epidemic affects each of us in different ways, we are all going through a traumatic process. One of our most powerful resources in coping with trauma is our couple relationships. Strong couple relationships can make it easier to cope with trauma. Providing the support you and your partner need during this process will be a positive experience for both parties. However, this will not always be easy and can often be very challenging. However, walking this path together and seeing that you reach the goal together will ensure that both parties come out of this journey stronger both individually and as a couple.
Trauma is a burden for the individual. It is also a very heavy burden. When you are a couple, you can carry this burden together. The load is still the same load. Of course, carrying two people does not mean that the burden disappears or decreases. It means that the burden that each party has to bear is reduced. Because when we are two people, we combine our strengths. We can heal each other's wounds. We can support each other both physically and emotionally. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there when we need it is quite effective on its own.
These make us feel less the weight of that burden. Our wounds heal faster. Thus, we can continue on our way even stronger. Because we must continue. The road is long...
Walking this path together gives couples a common goal. But even though our goal is common, sometimes how we walk this path is different. We may have disagreements with our partner regarding the issue, which is very possible. One of the most important things we need to do in such situations is to listen to our partner and comment without blaming, insulting or humiliating each other. It may be necessary to remember that our goal is common and to remind each other of this when necessary. It is of great importance for both parties to be able to share their thoughts and ideas and to feel that they are heard by their partner. When we are not heard, we become angry to make our voices heard, and the more we cannot make ourselves heard, the more angry we become. This may be reflected in the other party as hatred, anger, humiliation and sometimes physical violence. Especially when we are going through such difficult times, going through them will make our burden even heavier rather than lighten it.
Even though we carry the same burden, one of the partners may be more affected than the other. He may feel more helpless and anxious. When this happens, the person cannot think logically and panic behavior may increase. There are many reasons for this. Past traumas may be triggering. There may be a history of loss in the family. Another reason may be that their resources are less than the other. In such cases, instead of finding our partner's behavior ridiculous, funny, childish and belittling his concerns, we can try to understand him and ask what his needs are.
In times of increased anxiety, we can activate the resources we have as a couple. Looking at the photos and videos of the times you had fun together and remembering those days will help you feel those positive emotions for a while. Time spent together at home can provide you with the opportunity to have a pleasant time with activities that you can enjoy together. Trying new recipes in the kitchen, yoga, meditation, painting, etc.
Besides all these, it is also very important to be able to provide this when you need to be alone, within the means possible. Just because one partner wants to be alone in a room for a while doesn't mean they are bored with the other or don't want to be with them anymore. At such times, we respect each other's needs and realize that this is a normal need, without falling into negative thoughts such as not loving me or not caring about me. It is of great importance that we remind ourselves of this.
This process you will go through in the future will create stories with your partner in which you will remember how you overcame them, and maybe you will remember them with a smile.
Best regards
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