Cheating, which is one of the situations that greatly damages relationships, is frequently seen all over the world. Cheating is when a person interacts physically or emotionally with anyone other than their partner. This situation breaks the contract of monogamy, either sexually or emotionally. The cheating person destroys the trust of his partner to a great extent, causing relationships to deteriorate.
Society's Misbeliefs About Cheating:
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After cheating, the marriage ends. (Research shows that many marriages continue after cheating.)
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Men cheat. (Women cheat too)
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There is no emotional cheating, there is sexual cheating
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Cheating happens when sexuality is not enough
These myths believed by society can actually cause people, especially deceived people, to be manipulated by other people in an unhealthy way, while at the same time, they can impose feelings of guilt on deceived people. Research on the subject provides us with more realistic information about deception. According to these studies,
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According to surveys conducted around the world, 22% of men and 14% of women cheat on their partners.
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Deception increases as relationship satisfaction between partners decreases, while infidelity decreases as relationship satisfaction increases.
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As psychological well-being increases, the tendency to cheat decreases
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As the ability to express emotions increases, deceptions decrease. The reason for this is that being able to express emotions is good for the relationship and makes the relationship sustainable.
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There is a positive relationship between intense social media use and cheating.
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There is a positive relationship between self-confidence and deception. As self-confidence increases, the tendency to cheat decreases.
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It has been observed that people with trust problems are more likely to cheat.
What Happens in a Relationship That Causes Cheating?
Behaviors of partners such as being indifferent, unloving, belittling, humiliating, criticizing, building walls, and not making contact with each other are the first steps on the road to cheating.
Frequently. Frequent comparisons significantly reduce relationship satisfaction. Comparing your partner with anyone else means disliking and belittling them. That's why intense comparisons in relationships are seen as another step towards cheating.
Intense outbursts of anger or withdrawal. In both cases, it decreases relationship satisfaction.
Discussions constantly remaining open, not being able to get together, and the situations of taking someone's heart no longer exist or do not work if they exist, again decreases relationship satisfaction. It is among the reasons that reduce it.
Partners' distance from each other also has a positive relationship with cheating. Situations such as moving away, not engaging in arguments even in situations where there should be discussion, and not expressing feelings and wishes signal that the partners are moving away from each other.
The situation when one or both partners lose hope in the relationship also affects the relationship negatively. This situation brings loneliness. Partners begin to feel more alone in their relationships.
As the trust in the partner decreases, the need and trust in other people increases, which significantly reduces relationship satisfaction. Needing and trusting someone outside the relationship more may indicate that the relationship is not good enough.
The need to seek the satisfactions that cannot be experienced in the relationship elsewhere, for example, the need to seek these satisfactions elsewhere because one cannot feel love and affection from one's partner. (This cannot be done by focusing on just one person; it can be counted among the actions aimed at filling in the missing in cases such as addiction.)
Exaggerating the constant negative characteristics of the partner is again significantly reduces relationship satisfaction . Constant exaggeration of negative traits will often make the seemingly problematic person defensive. However, belittling positive traits will have the same effect in the relationship.
A relationship where criticism, humiliation and devaluing behaviors are prevalent instead of acts of appreciation will also lead to cheating. It is between the steps on the road.
The concept of you and me instead of the concept of we signals the deterioration in the relationship. Frequent use of the concepts of "you" and "I" causes couples to feel less of the feeling of being "us".
The behavior of partners denigrating each other further increases the negative mood of couples.
When walls start to be built in relationships, partners start to move away from each other and there is not even an argument anymore. This situation leaves partners with a feeling of loneliness.
The partner's rejection of sexuality or use of sexuality as punishment may increase porn use. All of these can push couples from the feeling of being we to the feeling of being me.
The ways that lead to cheating include the decrease in the partners' thoughts in favor of the relationship and thoughts against the relationship.
After all these situations, innocent secret relationships begin to form and the partner needs to keep more secrets and lie with each passing day.
The person begins to actively turn to other people to meet his needs. The reason for this is often the search for non-existent situations in the relationship with the partner.
Finally, the boundaries in the relationship are crossed and real betrayal occurs. While cheating becomes a way of life, it also begins to become dangerous within the relationship. The partner's having a relationship with another person can happen after all these steps.
How Does Psychotherapy Work with Couples Who Have Experienced Cheating?
According to research, the divorce rate in Turkey due to extramarital affairs is 1%. This means that although there is infidelity in marriage, many relationships continue. Although most marriages do not end after infidelity, relationships are damaged quite permanently. The aim of couple therapy is to regulate relationships and increase relationship satisfaction. With couple therapy, couples can compensate for infidelity and build a new and stronger relationship. For this reason, clients go through 3 stages in therapy. The first stage is to compensate for the deception. The wounds of the cheated person can actually be healed by the cheater; this is achieved in the first stage of therapy. The second stage works on trust, as the partner whose trust has been broken often begins to blame and control his partner. When the cheated partner can trust his/her spouse again, it makes the relationship stronger. Therefore, in the second stage, trust is studied. Finally, in the third step, the aim is for couples to bond with each other. Psychotherapy aims to help couples become closer and more connected to each other by working on all of the above steps leading to cheating. The main purpose here is to increase relationship satisfaction because cheating is very unlikely in couples with high relationship satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction is affected by many situations listed above, not by a single window such as sexuality. In couple therapy, relationship satisfaction is increased by working on all areas that reduce relationship satisfaction. This ensures that couples are in a relationship that will make them happier and feel safer.
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