The negative emotions you experience frequently indicate that the relationship is toxic.
Indicating that everyone can encounter toxic people and relationships, experts say that these people may also be in our close environment. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Aslı Başabak Bhais, who draws attention to feelings such as helplessness, anger, guilt, and the need to constantly explain in relationships, says, "If you experience these feelings frequently, we can say that this relationship is toxic." He says. Psychologist Aslı Başabak Bhais made statements about the characteristics of toxic people and toxic relationships. Aslı Başabak Bhais, a Specialist Clinical Psychologist who started her career, said, “This person can be a relative, family member, friend, lover or spouse. It can enter our lives for a short time or stay in our lives for a long time. We know these people by the way they make us feel during the process or the way the relationship is formed.”
The negative emotions you experience often indicate that the relationship is toxic
Reminding that the concept of 'toxic' means 'poisonous', Bhais said, "That is, the one that poisons us, pulls us down. Why do we establish our social relations? To be better, happier, more successful, to encourage and support us. However, these people do the opposite. How do we know these people? First of all, we infer this from the emotions we feel in our relationships. If you think that you often experience some emotions such as helplessness, anger, guilt, and the need to constantly explain in your relationship with some people, we can say that this relationship is actually a toxic one. We may think that the other party is manipulating us in some way, trying to change, control, or pull us in certain directions. We can understand from these feelings that we experience.” He explained the toxic relationship by saying.
Feeling guilty even if you're right Bhais said, “We expect an apology afterwards. However, these people do not have a reverse gear, that is, there is no stepping back. They never apologize when they think they have done something wrong, or even if you think so. In fact, you say, 'In this case, I am one hundred percent right, he cannot say anything about it anymore'. That speech goes to such different places, such agendas are opened that you find yourself with a feeling of guilt afterwards. In fact, when you look at it, there is also a manipulation here.”
Not apologizing is good for their needs
“There are many reasons why you can't apologize.” Bhais pointed out that the reason for these people is a problem related to self-confidence. Bhais said, “It may seem like a devastation to him. Apologizing to these people means 'I am wrong, I am wrong, respect for me will be lost, so I should never back down, I have to go all the way'. Of course, we know that these also come from childhood learning and family life. These people are not like this out of nowhere. But somehow it feels good not to apologize to their needs. But it is not good for the needs of the other person.” He said. Başabak Bhais said, “The way these people deal with their outlook on life is actually this relationship style. As a result of their experiences, people develop such a method. Not apologizing, like feeling some feelings for the other party. Because he felt it himself. I call it the mirror of negative emotion. The person is actually transferring the feelings he/she feels to the other party.”
Continuing his words by saying that a very serious dissatisfaction is expected from these people, Bhais said, “There is a constant state of dissatisfaction. There is criticism, they are constantly angry at something, they get angry, they are uncomfortable, they show resentment. You go to a cafe, they argue with the waiter, you go to the movies They complain about the location of the dir cinema. After a while, you buy those feelings, and after a while you realize that you feel these feelings often when you are with him, and you are more critical and more touchy. In fact, they try to bring you down with those feelings.” He said. we cannot say. It is only because they can deal with what they have learned in life, with the information they have gathered, that the person reflects this. For example, if you start doing the same things to them, they will consider it normal. They already think that's the nature of the relationship. That's why when you treat him the same way, he thinks of himself as a self-fulfilling prophecy. They think, 'It was obvious it was going to be like this, I was expecting it to be like this anyway'."
Toxic personality is very difficult to recognize
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Aslı Başabak Bhais said that it is very difficult to be aware of this situation. When they realize that there are problems in their relationships or the way they live their lives, they seek therapy. He says, 'I am not happy, I am not satisfied with my life, so there is nothing, but I am not satisfied.' Or 'I argue with everyone, I fight with everyone. Everyone is moving away from me, I feel lonely.’ But they come with these complaints, by noticing it indirectly.” Stating that the underlying cause of the behavior of toxic people is actually a disease, Bhais said, “The underlying cause is anxiety, a depressive state, personality disorder. may have disorders. Generally, personality disorders are a more common cause. For this reason, it is necessary not to evaluate it as a good person or a bad person, but to know that it is a disease.” He warned. He concluded:
“If you feel these situations from the beginning to the end of a relationship, he is a toxic person. But sometimes our friends need friends, they need to tell something. Some people need to be quiet because it is not very pleasant. It may be necessary to spend these periods with friends. It is important to be able to give as much as you receive in a healthy relationship. If I can give a feeling of value or security, can he give me love and affection? Can I take what I need and give him what he needs? If one party is giving more and the other is always getting more, then there is an unstable and unhealthy relationship.”
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