Within the characteristics of vital occurrence and flow; The urge of human beings to mate and reproduce is a natural feature of being biologically alive. Today, this characteristic of human beings can achieve social acceptance through marriage and find a place for itself with such an existence in modern life. However, today family includes much more social and individual issues. For this reason, family can be defined as follows: Family consists of individuals who are related by blood, marriage and other legal means, and who often live in the same house; It is a basic unit where individuals' sexual, psychological, social and economic needs are met, and their adaptation and participation in society is ensured and regulated (cited in Bulut, 1990). Marriage is an economic relationship. It is the micro version of the macro inequality between men and women.
It can be said that all human behavior, whether conscious or unconscious, is caused by the human need structure. We can divide needs into two: physiological and psychological needs. For human health and happiness, these needs must be satisfied. Family is the most natural environment where we can satisfy our needs. In addition to physiological needs, the family plays a very important role in meeting the following three needs: sincerity, power and meaningfulness. The family is a social unit and each member mutually strives to reach their needs in these three dimensions.
Considering people as separate entities and considering families in terms of their effects on people is an approach consistent with the human experience of self. We acknowledge that others influence us—especially in terms of obligations and constraints—but we have difficulty seeing that we are part of a whole larger than ourselves in a network of relationships. At this point, family therapy has shown us that; The family is not just a collection of individuals, the family is a system. It is a whole formed by parts that have functions beyond their separate features. On the other hand, being a part of a family system or a couple system does not and should not prevent us from being an individual with our own will and desires. This perspective means that the subject we focus on as therapists moves away from individuals and focuses on the state they are in. It means that it is shifted to relationship patterns.
We can say that there are three blocks in marriage. These not only determine where those who come to couple therapy are at, but also contribute to the couples' self-awareness. These; It can be expressed as construction, deconstruction and reconstruction. However, an important point we need to keep in mind is that this is in a constant cycle. In other words, we can say that the relationship is a structure that moves within this triangle depending on its dynamics, rather than a process that starts and ends once.
When talking about couple therapy and couple relationship, we cannot help but mention couple construction. In the couple construction, people constantly create and re-create their own roles and identities through the other. This construction continues with every new person or every different turn of the relationship. This construction is a continuous process that continues in the individual as well as in the relationship. During this construction process, non-functional structures that do not suit the person or prevent people from reaching each other in the relationship cause problems in the relationship.
"He changed a lot after marriage." We have heard this sentence many times from those around us. Marriage can actually be interpreted as two strangers coming together and redefining themselves. In this process, which we call recognition and redefinition, the person becomes "redefined" and changes with his/her partner's relationship with the redefined person. Since the same applies to the other partner, people redefine themselves and their relationships within marriage or a long-term relationship. During this redefinition, problems may arise from time to time when one of the partners does not want to change much. The exchanges and reactions experienced during this problem are a very important factor in how the relationship can go.
So, on what issues and how does a couple's therapy work with a couple who come to it with problems? One of the most important issues is defining the problem. The therapist first conducts a study on how they perceive the couple and the marriage or relationship, and then shares a common understanding with the clients. A problem definition is reached and work on it begins. There are many interventions and techniques to be done from now on, but the most basic point to be reached is clear. The most important point is to activate the client's alternative behavioral patterns and to be able to reach a different point in both their relationships and themselves through these.
By adapting to the style of the family members and the couple and creating a place where people feel supported. It is very important to participate in them by creating an environment. Continuing to collect information about the problem in a way that clarifies the interactions of people around the problem and observing the desired changes are among the most important goals of the therapist during family and couple therapy. Clients have often unconsciously developed a strategy to address this problem or problems, and they continue this strategy without realizing it, even if it does not work. In fact, the problem is not the problem itself, but the family or couple's inability to solve this problem. In the words of Jay Hala, "The subject of family therapy is not to solve the problem, but to repair the problem-solving mechanisms." At this point, the most appropriate move to make as a therapist is to focus on the communication process (how the clients talk) rather than the content of the communication (what the clients say). Clients generally focus on the content, while the therapist focuses on the process to help families' systems function better. With therapy, people are expected to develop awareness about their own and others' individual belief systems and their "appropriateness." As a result, it is observed that clients begin to understand the circular nature of their communication, instead of the expected process of "it's your fault", and take personal responsibility as their awareness of themselves increases.
As Carlos Sluzki stated, during the therapy process The expected change will be in the following direction: From individuals to larger systems, from content to process, from interpretations to definitions, from intentions to effects, from the original to the present, from roles to rules, from symptoms to functions, and from linear causality to cybernetic circulation.
The power of family therapy is to change the interaction between parents and children. It comes from being brought together with the paste. Instead of abstracting from individuals' conflict patterns, the focus is on the formation process of these patterns. The reason people often get stuck in a problem is because they fail to see their own contribution to the problems they experience. Most people have difficulty seeing the patterns that connect them because their gaze is fixed on what others persistently continue to do, and the therapist's focus is on improving people's awareness at this point. The first meeting with a family or couple is like turning on the light in a dark room.
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