Adolescence can be defined as a path in which the child leaves childhood and progresses towards adulthood. The adolescent individual is no longer a child, but he is not fully an adult. The difficult period between childhood and adulthood covers a period in which people, namely adolescents, have great difficulties. This difficult process affects not only adolescents but also parents. Parents often argue with adolescents during this period, and the situation often results in unhappiness, unrest, anger, sadness, etc. for both parties. It ends with . For this reason, parents often ask questions such as "How can I get along with my child?", "He never listens to us", "He opposes everything, he does the opposite of whatever we say", "He is so angry, we can't cope", "This child used to They seek help with complaints such as "It was never like this, it has changed a lot." This article deals with issues such as why it is difficult to get along with people who have entered adolescence, how parents should handle this situation and how they can get along with them.
Why Do People Change During Adolescence, What Causes Their Negative Behaviors? What are the Causes?
Adolescence is a period that is seen in every healthy individual and should be seen. Adolescence is a period in which children develop physically, different symptoms begin to appear in boys and girls, and the acquisition of reproductive functions occurs. The most important reason why individuals change psychologically and behaviorally during adolescence is the activation of the hormonal system. With the rapid activation of the hormonal system, both physical and mental changes in the person accelerate. This activation of hormones changes the person's brain, emotions, behavior and cognitive functions. While this situation causes more depression in girls, it causes intense anger and anger in boys. The rapid change in the bodies of adolescent individuals attracts attention, especially from the society. Another distinctive feature of this period is that adolescents frequently oppose their parents and authority. This situation usually ends in conflict for the family, but soon a new conflict arises. The reason for this is that the adolescent individual is resistant to the physical and mental changes caused by hormonal changes. � feeling stuck. At such times, friends become more important to them than their parents, because their friends who are going through the same period as them understand them the most. Parents often become uneasy about this issue because they are uncomfortable with their children spending more time with their friends than with them. Friendship becomes a very important and sensitive issue for individuals in adolescence. Here, sexual roles, philosophical pursuits and many other issues are mentally tested in mutual interaction. This also provides very positive feedback for adolescent individuals. Another issue that parents complain about is that the adolescent wants to stay in his room and be alone more. During this period, adolescent individuals who like to stay in their rooms and listen to music more often prefer to be alone as dreams become more common. One of the changes that adolescence brings is becoming angry and resentful.
Adolescence can be seen with different characteristics in each individual at different ages. While some individuals experience adolescence with intense conflicts, some individuals may experience this period more lightly. On average, puberty begins at the age of 10-12. The negative behaviors and conflicts experienced during adolescence and the conflicts experienced in one's own world continue until the age of 21-22, but after the age of 20, the negative behaviors and conflicts seen during adolescence begin to decrease. While sexual urges may become stronger in the last stages of adolescence, interest in risky pursuits also begins to increase. Smoking and substance use may be a matter of concern during this period. The reason for this is that dopamine secretion is high during this period.
A few factors that increase the negative behavior of adolescent individuals can be mentioned during this period. Along with the change of hormones, the environmental factor is also a very important issue for adolescent individuals. Situations such as negative environmental conditions, not being accepted by the social environment, not being understood, and being judged also increase the negative behaviors of adolescent individuals. For adolescent individuals, socializing, being accepted among their friends, being accepted by their family Issues such as not being put under pressure are very important, and studies in this direction will help reduce the negative behaviors of adolescent individuals.
How Do Parents Get Along with Their Adolescent Children?
Adolescence is a very challenging process for both the adolescent and the parents. During this period, parents mostly complain about their teenage children's changing behavior, their rebellion, their disobedience to authority, their spending more time with their friends than their parents, their remaining confined to their rooms, their inconsistent behavior, their dissatisfaction, their failure to fulfill their responsibilities as before, and many other situations. . Adolescent individuals, on the other hand, blame their parents for not understanding them, for harassing them too often, for expecting too much, for not wanting to fulfill their responsibilities anymore, for not wanting to spend too much time with their parents, etc. He complains about such situations. In short, both sides are not very happy with each other. So what should be done?
1-Trying to understand adolescent individuals. Issues that may seem ridiculous to parents may be very important for adolescents. For this reason, parents are advised to approach their children with as much interest and importance as possible. If the adolescent feels that his parents do not care about what they do or tell him, or that they belittle him, he will move away from his parents because this will make him feel like he is not understood.
2-Not forcing him to talk. When some parents see their children sad or angry, they want to immediately find out the reason and find a solution. So they can force them to talk. But this makes them feel even worse. Not forcing you to talk here, just saying "I'm here, I'm with you whenever you want to talk" will be enough. In this way, the adolescent will not feel stuck.
3- Giving suggestions instead of giving advice. Adolescent individuals may sometimes talk to their parents. They can share their problems. At this point, instead of giving them advice, trying to understand their feelings and very rarely making suggestions is a problem for adolescent individuals themselves. It will make you feel comfortable. For example, if he had a fight with his friend, saying "you are upset because you had a fight with your friend" instead of saying "never mind, you can find another friend for yourself, are you upset about this?" shows that you understand him and interpret his feelings. Your suggestion such as "maybe spending time with your other friends would be good for you?" should not be an order.
4-Creating common rules. During this period, parents mostly complain about their teenage children opposing everything and not obeying certain rules. However, if common rules are created and these rules are considered valid for everyone, adolescent individuals will also have to obey them. For example, it could be that everyone sits at the table for dinner, that everyone is home after a certain time in the evening (the family should determine this), that the family gathers in the living room for 1 hour every evening away from the phone and television. If such rules apply to everyone, adolescent individuals will also begin to comply with the rules. If there are no rules, the adolescent may eat in his room, come home late and not want to spend any time with his family.
5- Not being jealous of your friends. It is worth reminding again that friendship is very important for adolescent individuals. During this period, family is in the background and friends are in the first place. They find relief in many situations just by talking, sharing and commiserating with their friends. Parents should definitely avoid accusatory conversations such as "why do you tell your friend but not me, I am closer to you, you love your friends more, you care about your friends more than your family". This will cause the adolescent to feel misunderstood and to feel more angry, sad and unhappy.
When will my child get better?
One of the most frequently asked questions is Will my child always stay like this? Will he ever return to his old self? Adolescence is just a process. It is a long but temporary process. When a person reaches adulthood, hormones will begin to regulate. Parents need to be patient during this process. In order to get through this period with the least damage, It is also very important to get psychotherapy help. Receiving psychotherapy ensures a much healthier process for both the adolescent and the parents. There may be conflicts in the emotions, thoughts and behaviors of both parents and adolescents that affect the person. Psychotherapy aims to produce a solution for these problems and minimize the problems in the process. Receiving psychotherapy helps people cope better with their problems and feel better.
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