Self-confidence is a basic and very important emotional necessity for all humans. We have "self-confidence" in proportion to the "self-worth" we assign to ourselves. In other words, our self-confidence is, in a sense, an indicator of how valuable we find ourselves and how much we value ourselves. In situations where we do not find ourselves valuable to a certain extent, we experience difficulties because our basic needs are not met.
One of the most important features that distinguish us from other living creatures is our self-awareness, that is, our "awareness" feature. Starting from the first years of our lives, we create an identity for ourselves under the influence of various factors, and then we add value to this identity. In other words, we define who we are and then decide on the features of this identity that we like and dislike. This is where the problem of self-confidence arises, as a result of our power of judgment. Disliking or disliking an object, color, sound or shape can only be expressed through pleasures, and while it does not bother us at all, disliking a feature of ourselves or rejecting some of our integral parts causes our spiritual balance to be shaken.
Self-confidence; It is not an unchanging, static situation or emotional state. We may have different feelings of trust or distrust in different times, situations and environments. There may be situations in which each person sometimes trusts himself and sometimes does not. While some people are very confident in some areas of their lives (academic success, technical skills, etc.), they may not be very confident in some other areas (physical characteristics, appearance, social relations, etc.). But most of us want to be more confident in ourselves, to be more comfortable and feel better in every situation and environment. When we get a new job, we try to showcase all our talents, increase our performance by pushing our limits, not allow the feeling of inferiority to affect us, establish good relationships with others and make them see us as valuable. However, some people have difficulty in achieving these, even though they want them very much. They believe that insecurity and lack of self-confidence are innate personality traits, and they accept this situation.
As we see many confident and secure people around us every day, we try to understand "how they achieved this, how they got this." self-confidence d It is not an emotional state that one is born with or can easily access. The confidence of many people in society is actually the state of appearing "confident". Because regardless of the work we do, the place we live or work in, the society we live in expects self-confident behavior from us. Since this expectation is known to everyone, individuals avoid showing their insecurities and act as if they are confident and secure. Or he tries to avoid situations and environments in which he would have difficulty in showing his "pretend" behavior, and to avoid being there as much as possible. Because the environments in which the individual feels inadequate, deficient, or the characteristics he/she judges and rejects will emerge and be reinforced are painful situations. Just as we try to cover a wound on the body with bandages and dressings to prevent it from growing, being pierced and bleeding; We also avoid all factors and environments that will increase the pain of self-rejection. After a while, the bleeding of the dressed wound stops, it scabs over, and over time, there is often no trace left, but any feeling of deficiency or inadequacy in the characteristics that add value to the identity cannot be "eliminated" by trying to "cover up", "suppress", or "assume it does not exist". On the contrary, it can change by addressing this feeling, that is, by increasing the individual's awareness of himself. Developing a person's awareness means being able to make positive and realistic evaluations about himself. This ensures that the person's expectations about himself are realistic. Having high self-confidence does not mean having an exaggerated feeling of "I can do anything, I have the power to do anything." A secure person is one who is aware of the facts about himself, what he can and cannot achieve; He is someone who strives for what he can change or improve, who knows how to accept what he cannot change and how to love himself as he is. An individual with high self-confidence is the one who can continue to accept himself and think positively about himself, even if some of his expectations about himself are not realized. He has high insight and is aware of his abilities and limitations. Because of his confidence in his abilities, he does not need the approval of others, and since he accepts himself, he does not try to make others accept him.
On the contrary, insecure people have a tendency to Their feelings about their job depend on the approval and feedback they receive from others. He is not aware of his abilities and limitations. This blindness creates constant anxiety about failure. His self-esteem is low, so much so that he can sometimes ignore positive feedback, compliments and appreciation, and sometimes he may think that others are making fun of him. These people build protective walls around themselves and develop defenses to prevent themselves from further judging, rejecting, or being injured. While they may feel anger or blame towards themselves, they may also constantly strive to be perfect in every job and situation. In cases where they fail, they may blame others, constantly complain, put forward justifications, and they may take refuge in alcohol or drugs to forget about this distressing and painful situation.
Why is it important for a child to have self-confidence?
The individual feels good; Having or not having a successful, balanced and enjoyable life and high self-confidence or feelings of insecurity are parallel processes. We need self-confidence to enjoy life. Failure to meet this basic need can make life unbearable. Self-confidence is a feeling that develops gradually from the first years of life. If this feeling is not allowed to develop during childhood and is left incomplete, it may not be possible to compensate for it in adulthood. Self-confident children will be self-confident adults of the future.
What Affects the Development of Self-Confidence in Children?
In the development of self-confidence, especially in the first years of childhood (3-4 years), parental attitudes and upbringing style, the individual himself/herself It is extremely important in the formation of your feelings about yourself and your degree of self-confidence. Later, the reactions he receives from friends and social circle also play a very important role. The child acquires a positive or negative self-perception based on the reactions he receives from his environment. Children may sometimes be exposed to injustice and abuse within their friends or social circle. How and to what extent they will be affected by this is directly proportional to the adequacy of the basic sense of trust they receive from the family. A child who feels loved and valued within the family will not be affected much by the negative reactions from the environment, and even if he is, he will not be affected by it in a very short time.
If one or both parents are overly critical, have high expectations, are perfectionists, or are overprotective and prevent independence, the child's feelings and judgment about himself; that he is incompetent, inadequate and worthless.
Parents think that they are protecting their children and doing them a favor with their overprotective attitudes. Parental attitude that overwhelms the child with excessive love and attention, does everything himself so that he does not experience difficulties, and controls him too much; It creates children who cannot take responsibility, are dependent on their parents, and have not developed problem-solving skills and, in short, self-confidence. However, if parents support the child's initiatives, applaud his development, help him find/do the right thing when he makes a mistake, and continue to love and accept him as he is, the child learns to accept himself, love himself and trust himself.
Another mistake made. Attitude is comparing the child with another child. The child who is compared to his sibling, cousin or neighbor's child; Not only does he feel inadequate, he wants to succeed not for himself but to surpass the other child and turns into a racehorse.
In summary; The self-confidence of a child who is loved by his/her elders, who finds the attention and closeness he/she needs, whose ideas are valued and taken into consideration, who is trusted and given responsibility, who is praised and proud of the things he/she does well, who is guided correctly in the mistakes he/she makes and who is accepted for his/her characteristics develops.
But the child who does not feel loved and cared for, who does not receive the closeness and attention he expects, who is constantly criticized and not accepted as he is, and who is constantly compared to others, feels worthless and his self-confidence does not develop. These children; It causes various problems in the family, environment, school and society in which they live.
Indicators of Poor Self-Confidence in Children
Children with low self-confidence; They experience difficulties in emotional, social and academic issues. This situation manifests itself in various ways at school and in other areas of life. The child either uses excessive control, develops an emotionally fragile and sensitive personality, is closed to new experiences, and develops a timid personality, or exhibits attitudes and behaviors that are overbearing, rebellious, in conflict with authority, and constantly create problems, with excessive lack of control. They laugh.
a. Indicators of Overcontrolled Behavior
Dependent on parents
Shy and withdrawn
Reluctant to engage in new activities
Has trouble socializing with other children
Behaving timidly and unable to adapt when faced with new situations
Immediately gets hurt and disturbed even when their behavior is corrected in a positive way
Has acquired the habit of seeing themselves as inferior
Very afraid of making mistakes and failure
Always trying to please others
b. Indicators of Extremely Uncontrolled Behavior
Aggressive and bully
Angry, angry
Frequently truant from school
Uncooperative
Wanting to get help
Constantly asking if he/she is loved
Neglecting his lessons knowing that he will not be tolerated
Constantly blaming others for his own mistakes
Dismissing his duties Acting carelessly while fulfilling his duties
Unaware of his responsibilities
Acting as if he were superior to everyone else
Lying
Using his own and others' belongings with disdain
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Children who display extremely uncontrolled behavior attract more attention because they harm themselves, others and disturb the environment, and are constantly warned and punished by their families or teachers. This further reinforces the child's insecurity.
The attitudes of over-controlled children are ignored because they do not disturb anyone, they are not seen as a problem, but this has the same effect, causing the child's lack of self-confidence to be reinforced.
What should parents do? Advice for parents…
Create an environment where everyone at home trusts each other.
A child who grows up in a safe environment can easily share his/her feelings and thoughts, love, success or failure, and disappointments with family members. . This helps him develop his self-confidence.
Be open about your feelings about him.
Let him know that your love does not depend on his success or failure, how important his existence is to you, and that you will always love him no matter what. make them feel.
Be aware of your child's true capacity.
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