We continue to live by constantly leaving something behind and losing something,
with the loss of some things and relationships in our life
. Everything lost, big or small, causes a mourning process.
Some things are light, some things are deep, some things are very painful. Some
things lost are shocking, some losses create a big void
in life. Losses: death of a loved one, end of a close relationship, organ
loss, loss of job, loss of status, loss of independence, loss of reputation
After these losses, abandonment, guilt, loss of trust,
anger, meaninglessness, emptiness and helplessness occur. Grief
reflects the cognitive, emotional and physical adaptation responses to loss. In mourning
there are unfinished plans, dreams and fantasies about the lost.
Although it is a challenging and stressful process, it is not a disease. The dose and duration of the
response varies from person to person. It can be experienced as an overt response and a covert response.
There is a Tibetan story. A mother whose son dies does not want to bury her son, and
goes door to door looking for someone to resurrect her son. They tell the Buddha to go
. Budha says go to the city, gather mustard seeds from those who have never experienced pain in their home
and bring them to me. The woman wanders from house to house for days, but cannot find a house without suffering. And in the end
she concludes that she has to say goodbye to her son and accept this pain, and not go to the Buddha
but bury her son.
Uncomplicated mourning: the loss of a meaningful relationship. Complicated grief is
the intensification of grief to the point of being overwhelmed and maladaptive. People get stuck in a phase of grief and the grief
is not completed. Emotional, physical and cognitive changes occur in the person.
Physical reactions as a feeling of emptiness in the stomach, feeling like suffocation,
hypersensitivity to sounds, lack of energy, fatigue quickly, increase or decrease in appetite
is seen. As cognitive reactions: visual and
auditory hallucinations such as disbelief, denial, confusion,
feeling that the deceased is alive, seeing the deceased, hearing his voice can be seen. As emotional responses: surprise,
shock, sadness, anger, self and others While blame, loneliness, and hopelessness are observed, behavioral reactions include crying, distraction, searching,
calling, avoiding reminders of the deceased, social withdrawal, and sleep
disorder.
The intensity of the grief will vary from person to person, as well as the type of relationship with the deceased
, the way of death of the person, his/her closeness, the existence of uncompleted bereavement in the past, and social support factors.
PATHOLOGICAL MORNING : Although more than 6 months have passed,
the problems and functionality of the person deteriorate further, harmony cannot develop,
the person remains stuck in the mourning phases and the mourning cannot be completed. Abnormal grief is called
complicated grief, delayed grief, chronic grief. Instead of adaptation
there are stereotypical repetitions and healing pauses. The pain deepens
and becomes more intense. Intense guilt, loneliness, failure to process
past losses, previous physical or mental problems
can prevent the completion of grief. There may be overreaction, unresponsiveness or psychotic
situations.
Not being able to trust people, not accepting death, emotional emptiness, anger,
isolation, the thought of meaninglessness of life without that person, uneasiness,
future anxieties, disconnection, feeling like a part of the body is missing
, feeling of insecurity, restlessness, pain, suicidal thoughts.
Post-traumatic stress disorder or going into depression
can be seen from prolonged grief. Bereavement reactions and depression are two different things. Some people delay grief
and then hold it.
traumas experienced by the mourners can be triggered. > increased aches and pains, skin rashes, heart palpitations, loss of appetite,
constipation, diarrhea, dry mouth, sleep disorders are physical symptoms that are frequently
in the face of grief. Apart from physical reactions,
psychological reactions are mostly hopelessness, longing, sadness,
feelings of malaise, fear, guilt, horror, helplessness, anger, hostility
loneliness, abandonment. symptoms such as work are in the foreground. When we look at the effects of
at the cognitive level, confusion, indecision, constant loss of the mind
about the person, the thought that he is still alive, low self-confidence,
self-blame, memory problems and attention problems.
< br /> Grief consists of 5 stages. The first is the period of shock and numbness. 2. Disbelief, denial
period, 3. Desire, loneliness and anger. 4. Depressive
period of helplessness. 5. Acceptance life regulation period. Expected loss, sudden
loss and traumatic loss affect the level of mourning. There are also types of social
mourning, which are passed on from generation to generation. After the loss
people can feel even bigger and become more resilient
. They can create new ideas, new paradigms, new thoughts and
spiritual power in life. They can learn to grasp the deeper, more meaningful dimensions of life
. Seeing alternative paths, new possibilities
ideas for change may develop. They may revise their life goals,
may develop the idea that the material world they are chasing is empty. People
can understand that they can't control everything in life, that their power is limited
and their relationships with people may differ.
The most important reactions that are maladaptive are denial without acceptance or escape from pain
avoiding sadness. It ends with mourning. It ends by facing the pain
and experiencing the pain. The frozen pain and sadness are transferred to the future.
By using drugs, using alcohol and drugs, the mourning is not completed.
If the person denies the loss for a long time and does not accept it, he/she cannot show the mourning reactions. Intense and heavy
emotions can come into play when talking about loss. He/she can avoid
people and situations that remind him of the loss, and can initiate radical changes in his life after the loss.
can use language like now
as if he were alive when talking about loss even though it's been a long time. It can hide the lost person's belongings
. He/she may be running away from fulfilling his/her responsibilities in his/her normal life, may hinder his/her self-care, may have the thought of the meaninglessness of life
. Heavy mourning again on the anniversary of the loss
May avoid going to the grave or religious rituals. In this case, pathological
mourning is in question and treatment assistance may be required.
What is tried to be done with psychotherapy is that the person is confronted with the idea that the lost person is dead
and will never come back, and acceptance work< br /> to be done. Emotionally, it is important to study this acceptance state
. Knowing that you are dead is not enough. Working on the pain of grief
. The pain experienced is both emotional and physical
and may have something to do with some traumatic experiences and loss
in the past. Making the person aware of their own roles
and working on how this loss leads to a loss of role and how it makes it difficult to adapt to life
and why
avoids new roles. Contribution to the process of adaptation to life is provided by providing
and rearranging the relationship and meaning of the person with the deceased in the mind of the person
. The person's deteriorated coping style is repaired and reactivated, and it is prevented that this emotional and physical pain from causing diseases
. The situation in which the person lives creates a risk for mental and physical
diseases. Unlike normal grief
, separation anxiety in traumatic grief is repetitive and disturbing, affecting functionality. The reactions that occur in the individual are continuous and
do not decrease over time.
The individual's ego strength, flexibility feature, adaptability, personality
characteristics are effective in how he/she will react or how he/she experiences grief. When the mourning process is pathological, it requires professional support.
Because the functionality of the person in life begins to deteriorate
his productivity in life decreases, his relationships deteriorate, and there may be a course of
up to depression or psychosis. In those cases, it inevitably needs to be treated
. It is important to get support and start treatment before the situation worsens. The one who is physically buried in the grave during the mourning period is not buried psychologically
. Nothing you ignore is lost, and the things you ignore
come after you.
Encounter various difficult conditions It is possible for individuals who experience moments and pains
to experience some positive changes
as a result of coping attempts after these experiences. There may be situations such as questioning life, bringing spiritual and deep
meanings to the fore in life, and growing
in the face of life. It may also have given people the power to build a stronger and superior
structure and gain resistance in the face of life. As a result of painful
experiences, people can develop more meaningful and deep relationships with people
, make new decisions, open new trails
in their lives, and feel that their existing power has increased.
Realize that they cannot control everything in life. and change some of their attitudes
. A person who has lost a loved one may become more independent,
compassionate, emotionally stronger, and aware of their purpose
to believe that they can overcome new problems more.
are more compassionate and caring towards those who have experienced similar losses. They can
. It also strengthens the possibility of new
relationships as a result of the emptiness in the life of the grieving person.
The strength and form of attachment related to the missing person, whether it contains ambivalent feelings
, conflicts experienced and dependent relationships
affects the mourning process.
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