IMPOSSIBLE PERFECTION
(PERFECTIONISM)
Almost all of us live with people who have very high standards of living, are in a very good financial situation, have a happy family life and are seen as prominent by everyone. When we encounter this picture, we watch it with envy, perhaps with a sigh. We also think that these people have everything, that they are very happy, and that they have no problems. Is it really like this?
Former White House Deputy Counsel Vinsent Foster was one of such people. In his life before the White House, almost every aspect of his life was full of success and accolades, he graduated from law school at the top of his class, got the highest score in the Arkansas exam, was a partner of a very famous law firm, had a very nice family, was very rich and was loved by his social circle. Vinsent Foster's life ended with suicide. When doctors investigate the reason, they reveal that Foster's extreme perfectionist personality is the main reason.
So, what is perfectionism that can lead a person to suicide?
If the idea of "all or nothing" dominates your life, there are many negative details. If you exaggerate even if they are small, if you have a concern such as 'everyone should think that I am perfect', if you always have difficulty in making decisions in everything small or large, important or unimportant, if you believe in the utopia of 'perfection is possible' rather than the truth of 'human error', if you believe in the utopia of 'it is possible to be perfect', 'never, If you frequently use the words 'always, everyone, nobody, absolutely', you are a perfectionist.
Here, perfectionism should not be confused with the desire to be perfect. In some periods of life, when we expect very high performance from ourselves as much as our capacity and environment allow, this is not called perfectionism, but struggle and determination.
So, what kind of harm can perfectionism do to us?
We do everything all the time. It is not possible for anyone to do their best and be liked and appreciated by everyone. Our perfectionist mindset forces us to do this, and when we see that it does not happen, we feel incomplete and useless. This causes us to lose our self-worth and self-confidence. Because of our ability to scrutinize and weave closely, we pay so much attention to details. We get stuck, which hinders our productivity, causing us to constantly postpone work or not be able to complete it on time. Because we think that everything should be perfect, we cannot trust anyone and cannot entrust anything to them. This creates problems in our social relationships.
What can we do to overcome perfectionism?
In fact, if we have perfectionism with all its symptoms, it will be very difficult to overcome it alone. For this, the support of an expert will be useful. Besides;
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Instead of approaching events with the thought of 'what do I need to do', approach them with the idea of 'what can I do, how much can I do, how much can I not do'.
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Do not have high and unusual expectations that are unlikely to come true. Set realistic goals that are in line with your own capacities, interests and abilities.
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Try to see what you have achieved as well as what you have not achieved in your work.
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Instead of perceiving mistakes as 'unacceptable mistakes', perceive them as 'life experiences and experiences that cannot be bought with money'.
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Have hobbies in your life that you can do whenever you want, just for pleasure, that really relax you. .
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