The issue of infidelity has always maintained its fire in societies for centuries. Some societies have changed their form to legitimize cheating
while others have banned it directly.
So, what happened that it has become such a hot topic lately, that we have started to hear it so much?
In fact, although it seems to be hidden in society, the word "cheating" refers to women's entry into business life, gaining power, men's easier access to the opposite sex, women's power to oppose men. The increases were inevitable due to reasons such as men's men's hormonal control, the society's concern only with women's cheating.
In addition, the relationship became ordinary, the values given to first relationships decreased, the relationship area
There has been an increase in deception as it has turned into a field of satisfying people's egos.
People's inadequacy of problem-solving skills, buying a new one instead of repairing something that is broken
or fixing it with someone else, the structure of society Social reasons resulting from male dominance and giving men the right to polygamy have increased cheating as much as it made it legitimate.
Essentially, the reason for the increase in cheating in our country is the problem of definition. We are experiencing turmoil.
The question we answer most is whether what is happening is cheating or not. Therefore
the boundaries of deception must be drawn. Cheating is a commitment issue. It is especially common in people who show narcissistic reactions.
People who consider themselves higher, who think they are superior to their spouses
or who are observed to be like this by those around them and who receive such comments in society
see themselves closer to cheating.
Cheating is a form of cheating. It's a connection problem. It is also common in addicted people. Those who cannot solve the problems in the relationship and at the same time cannot break up are, on the one hand, dragged into cheating because of the problems, on the other hand, they cannot end their relationship or marriage due to their concerns about self-confidence and being alone. .
When a person is deceived, he wants to name it, know the reasons, and solve the problem. Is it cheating-
infidelity? “Nothing will happen once”, “it's okay as long as it's not emotional”, “can discuss
but the important thing is not to love”, “to talk but not to touch” etc. You hear a wide variety of comments and explanations such as
. The main problem is how the person perceives the situation he is experiencing.
In my research, I saw that there is no common definition. My personal definition of cheating is as follows;
All private sharing, both in terms of life and activity, with someone other than the partner, physically and emotionally, is called cheating. What is important here is whether the sharing is private
or not. The reason why cheating cannot be precisely defined is due to the fact that cheating and being deceived are perceived in very different ways. This diversity in perceptions reveals types of deception.
Virtual Deception:
This is the type of deception that has exploded in the last 10 years. Virtual sexuality and virtual sensuality are deceptions. After all, if there is someone in your life and you share private shares with someone else, this is cheating. Virtual life is virtual in terms of its environment, but real in terms of what it makes you experience and make you feel.
The problem of boundaries and definition still exists at the basis of the increase in virtual deception.
Emotional Cheating:
This type of deception mainly reflects the psychology of the individual in conflict. In other words, he/she aims to experience excitement instead of making decisions that he/she cannot understand in his/her mind and the environment is not suitable. Factors such as distance
(the trust provided by distance), curiosity, unhappiness in the relationship, admiration, search for excitement
give rise to emotional deception. It is predominantly seen in women. It is to fill the gap in his own relationship, the lack of his wrong
marriage, and the lack of self-worth with this type of relationship.
Sexual Cheating:
In fact, the person Sexual cheating may occur even if he/she enjoys all kinds of sexuality with his/her partner at the highest level. So why?
In our society, capturing a woman has always been perceived as a power and to prove oneself for the man
Obtaining the most beautiful and most difficult things is a sign of a man's prestige. Although it is not claimed for all
, a Turkish man who grows up in an environment where relationships are viewed in this way is inevitably (except for biological
structure) always prone to cheat.
Flirting :
Although it may seem like a social relationship in form, it is a form of relationship that is not named and is based on mutual appreciation and interest
. Being liked and being liked are the motivations of this type of communication-relationships
. Although it is not known whether a relationship will arise from this, there is a risk factor. Flirty
approaches motivate people and provide comfort and freedom. On the one hand, there is nothing. On the one hand
on the other hand, there is mutual admiration. As long as the shares are not verbally or behaviorally concrete, we cannot count them as cheating.
Why Do People Cheat?
Trump Male psychology, hormonal structure. Accordingly, he sees sexuality as the fundamental dynamic in the relationship. As we see from our clients and their families who come to us, the point that men complain about the most is sexuality. One of the underlying reasons why a man cheats is that his wife uses sexuality as a weapon or trump card. A man attempts to deceive in order not to submit for sexuality and to not feel needy
. Likewise, a woman may attempt to deceive in order to gain the man's attention and love. Using sexuality as leverage is a sign of high
resentment and hidden anger. If sexuality is used as leverage by one of the spouses, the other party feels deprived and excluded and sees cheating as a right. He sees it both
as a right and as a punishment for deprivation.
Complexes The person wants to be strong and be liked at all ages. In such situations, he may resort to cheating to feel good
. Carrying out this event, especially with those younger than themselves, makes people happier as they see that they are still useful. In women and men, cheating with younger partners occurs around the age of menopause. It is a common situation in men and women who do not want to accept old age and want to prove themselves and gain self-confidence. We see it very often in the tabloid press; It is a behavior for older men or women to show up with their young lovers, to ignore their age and to show that they are still admired. �r. At the same time, this type of deception is a challenge to the meaninglessness of life and the fear of death.
Psychological Reasons
People's basic social needs are accepted. To be appreciated, to be liked, to be approved, to be trusted and to be loved. When a person feels unhappy, unimportant and worthless, he looks for solutions to meet these basic needs. When others value him, it makes him happy. Especially
Depressed men and women's risky behavior and feeling of self-worth lead them to cheat. Being valued and seeing that you still attract attention has a positive effect on those who are depressed. (A kind of antidepressant effect.) Men may cheat because women do not receive the attention and sexuality they expect during pregnancy,
postpartum and depression.
The cheater is not caught.
As long as he continues his behavior, he always thinks about the consequences; but
it cannot overcome the internal conflict. Generally, conscientious distress occurs after cheating. Subsequently, a feeling of guilt arises. Sometimes a person looks for the mistakes of his/her spouse/lover in order to feel better. The person feels better as he makes that mistake, as if he has paid the price for it.
In cases of cheating, the person constantly wants to see the mistakes of his spouse or partner, as he will feel better as he attributes the reason for the cheating to reasons other than himself.
Otherwise
Otherwise, the fact that his/her spouse is perfect will further increase the conscientious distress of the cheater. The cheating person may feel worse as his/her partner treats him/her better. In this case, he may want to break up more due to uneasiness
Relational (marriage) Reasons: Problems experienced in marriage and the spouses' actions within the relationship
are some of the reasons that lead to cheating. Some of these are below.
• controlling and trying to dominate
• indifferent and irresponsible spouse
• sexual reactions and rejection
• constant humiliation, passivity.
• Presence of spouses with dependent or narcissistic personalities
• marrying without loving, having a relationship only for the qualities one has (money, money). rank, shape, status
etc)
• authority wars
• selfish spouse
• loss of spouse's role after child. (spouse forgetting to be a mother or father)
• high expectations and disappointments
• psychological problems and personality structures
• growing up with cheating parents to witness
What does the deceived person experience?
The deceived person sees himself as inadequate, unlikable, and uninteresting. As a result,
a spouse who thinks that he/she has been treated unfairly, is angry and does not want to touch his/her partner emerges.
There are many "I wish"s in people who have been cheated on. The effort spent in his relationship, the time, the sacrifices he made, the loyalty he showed, etc. All of it passes through his mind like a movie strip. At the same time, the person attempts to deceive the cheater
The main purpose is not to cheat, but to revenge.
The only reason for cheating is that the person does not reach sexual and emotional satisfaction in his/her relationship with his/her spouse
It is not. Someone who has grown up with a feeling of worthlessness since childhood may cheat in the appropriate environment to satisfy this feeling. Sometimes a person may do this for a moment of excitement
We cannot say that people who cheat are actually bad people. It would be more accurate to see this as a deviation rather than a crime
Whether or not a cheating incident is cheating cannot be evaluated by external observation
. It is parallel to the feeling of discomfort felt by the cheated person; The more you are disturbed
, the more deception that event is.
Acceptance:
In some cases, the deceived person sees the consequences and He ignores or denies the situation, thinking that he cannot handle its heavy psychological effects.
This situation is heated and brought up again by the deceived person in the following years. In other words, a reaction that is not given in time and place manifests itself by growing and causing psychological disorders. For example, research has found that being cheated on is a major cause of depression. In such cases, it is necessary to get support from an expert
.
Married people generally look for someone who will not put their marriage at risk and who will not expect too much from them.
Both women.
Read: 0
