Marriage begins to change when couples decide to have a baby
in fact. Psychological and financial preparations aside, pregnancy is the period that allows the change to be seen in the most concrete way. Routine doctor's appointments, preparation of the baby's room, buying, washing and ironing the baby's clothes, and of course baby shower parties (welcome party), which have become fashionable in recent times, are the most important
These are preparations for the baby and the parents. No matter how exciting these preparations are,
Some of the complaints of expectant mothers in many pregnancies are nausea, vomiting, headaches,
weakness, swelling of hands and feet, etc. It starts in this period. Expectant mothers gain weight and even feel ugly during this period. But these can also be called just the calm before the storm
The real difficult period begins with the birth of the baby.
Getting used to the new baby in the family is also getting used to being a mother and father. Now
When they wake up in the morning at the couple's house, a busy, hectic day begins. Usually
the father is the one who goes to work and the mother is the one who takes care of the baby at home. This period is even more difficult for working women. She needs to get used to her baby, her housewife duties, and being a woman who no longer works. Many women may talk about longing
to be at home during this period, but being at home is not that easy for a woman who is used to working.
And if this process is accompanied by efforts to develop PERFECT MOTHERHOOD, PERFECT HOME
WOMANNESS AND BEING THE PERFECT WIFE, the woman's anxiety increases and
she may find herself in a cycle that is impossible to realize. This is PERFECT
WOMAN is worried about not being able to do anything, not being able to spare time for herself because she is too tired at home
, not even having the opportunity to take a shower, the house being constantly messy
, how much food the baby needs to eat. In fact, he is the one who talks about what he eats, at what time he will eat, at what time he will sleep, and if these do not happen, the whole order will be disrupted
. THERE IS NO PERFECT WOMAN. The more a woman tries to do everything perfectly, the more she may find herself lacking, the more work that cannot be done, the more guilt she feels, and the more she questions her motherhood. Try to be perfect One should avoid working out
, making time for oneself and trying to fulfill one's responsibilities as much as possible
is actually enough for the routine to function properly.
One of the most challenging issues awaiting parents. One of them is the change in responsibilities along with the increase in domestic responsibilities.
There are guests on the list who want to welcome the baby.
The first problems encountered are keeping the house neat and clean, preparing the food to be served to the guests, and taking care of the baby. During this process
support for new mothers is very important. However, one of the issues that should be taken into consideration is that the support given should be provided without violating the boundaries of the new parents.
As time goes by, responsibilities as a parent increase. Routine
Baby care and sleepless nights are one of the most challenging issues for mothers.
Especially during breastfeeding, babies wake up frequently at night and also wake up their mothers and fathers
. Many parents take their babies to their rooms or even to their beds to make their lives easier during this period. Although this decision makes the lives of mothers especially
easier, it may also become a factor that negatively affects the couple's relationship in the long run
. It is very important for mothers of babies who have sleep problems to evaluate the time when their babies sleep.
One of the most common topics of discussion among couples who come to post-baby therapy is that their spouses do not help new mothers. Babies are completely dependent on their mothers in their first period. Many fathers may feel left out during this period. However, what makes fathers stay out may not only be the feeling of being left out
but also not knowing what to do. While the woman
feels that she is not understood if she cannot get the support she wants from her husband when she calls for help
, the man tries to cope with feelings of helplessness due to extra domestic duties that he is not used to
. It is important to review the responsibilities and distribute them realistically
. As much as spouses helping each other, external help should also be taken into consideration. Another important issue observed in couple therapy is that the spouses forget that they are still a couple after the new baby joins the family.
With the baby, the outlook on life, priorities, communication with people, and the topics discussed begin to change. Couples start talking about topics such as the baby did this today, the baby is missing
this, etc., rather than the topics they talked about before. Social life also begins to change very quickly
. Preparation is now necessary to go out. The environment to go and the people to meet begin to change. While meeting with families with children becomes a preference, issues such as the airiness of the place to go, noise level, and food also become important. Now it is necessary to think about more details and make more effort
to go out. The opportunities for couples to be alone are also decreasing
. Especially after the baby sleeps, spouses must make time for each other, talk about non-baby issues, and return to being a couple. The point that should not be forgotten is this: Just like baby care, maintaining healthy couple relationships requires effort.
Another problem that couples may experience after birth is sexuality. During the first 6 weeks after birth, called puerperal period, bleeding begins in the woman. The postpartum period is the period during which the woman's uterus recovers. That's why sexuality is not recommended.
However, after this process ends, many women experience sexual reluctance.
Factors such as weight gained during pregnancy, prenatal relationship-oriented life
starting to live child-oriented life after birth, frequent waking up at night
and routine fatigue may lead to a woman's sexual reluctance
can open. The increase in prolactin hormone in breastfeeding women suppresses estrogen and
progesterone hormones and therefore may cause dryness in the vagina and sexual reluctance. The problems that men may experience in such a process cannot be ignored. Many men now see women as mothers rather than wives. Breastfeeding women's breasts during sexual intercourse The loss of breast milk can affect both men and women
. In addition, women may feel pain during sexual intercourse because the genital area is not wet enough. Such situations may lead to problems such as vaginismus in women. If sexual reluctance persists in men or women, sexual therapy should be sought.
The addition of a new member to the family is a stressful period. All mothers and fathers experience the stress of this process. Many families come out of this process injured. Things to do to make this process go through
in a healthier way will reduce the level of stress, but it should still be known that this period will not be easy. Instead of telling couples "don't argue", it is more accurate to say "don't escalate your arguments". Of course, there will be discussions...
In these discussions, instead of blaming each other, it is a healthier step to
talk about how they can cope with these responsibilities and what they can do for each other.
Child care is difficult and exhausting. However, it should not be forgotten that heated debates will make this process even more difficult. Help from outside is also very important. Family elders can make their lives easier if they embrace new parents. However
The important thing to consider here is to give as much as the new parents request
. It takes patience and effort to facilitate this challenging process. If you are stuck
instead of waiting and seeing what time will tell, seeking family
counseling and getting support will enable you to get much more positive results
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