Although everyone has many different answers to the question "What is the most important thing in your life?", for most of the parents who answer this question, the answer will be "my children". Some parents, who want the best for their children, fulfill all their children's wishes, sacrifice themselves for them, and give up their own wishes and needs in order to offer them a perfect life. However, there is an important point that should not be overlooked in the relationship between parent and child. Children need effective and clear boundaries for healthy development. For parents who are unaware of this need, rejecting their children's requests is a worrying situation. Because rejecting their children's requests means that their psychology will deteriorate, their relationship will be damaged, they will lose their love and they will have trust problems in the future. However, many studies show that, on the contrary, the real worrying situation is that children do not draw effective boundaries that they need and fulfill their wishes, solving problems and making decisions instead. Children who try to explore the world, where there are many interesting things, try to learn how far they can go, when they should stop, in other words, their limits by experimenting. This learning process is a process in which different strategies are followed, such as constantly demanding, trying your luck again and again, crying to get what you want, getting angry, and being angry. "Borders", which can be described as a kind of behavioral framework and drawn by parents, play an important role in the child's psychological development and in exploring the foreign, chaotic and uncertain outside world in a healthy and safe way within an understandable framework.
Everyone. Children whose wishes are fulfilled under all circumstances grow up without learning to cope with disappointments and delay gratification, and they take the first step towards becoming self-centered, demanding adults who always prioritize their own wishes and needs and who think they have the right to ask for everything from everyone. At the same time, requests are fulfilled in all circumstances and at all times. Fulfillment of this is also the key to the dissatisfaction that may occur in children. But unfortunately, the real world does not consist of parents who will always meet these demands and put our wishes and needs before their own.
For children whose thinking skills are not yet at the level of adults, limits and rules help them feel safe. When you think about the danger and anxiety that will arise when you try to learn to drive on a busy street where there are no traffic rules or signs, you can imagine how important and necessary boundaries and rules are for children. In addition to the sense of security, children whose boundary needs have been met by their parents from an early age will have learned which behaviors are accepted and which are not in social life, so they will adapt more easily and experience much fewer difficulties in their social lives in the later years of their lives. On the other hand, since boundaries often require deciding between options, they will also improve children's decision-making and responsibility-taking skills. Borders have some advantages that are also reflected in family life. It can be predicted that there will be fewer fights and arguments, as well as less stress, in a family that has boundaries for each member.
There are many responsibilities that come with being a parent. Setting boundaries as well as establishing a warm, loving relationship for children and also for parents are among these responsibilities. Serious conflicts may arise between parents and their children who are not aware of this responsibility or do not know how to fulfill it. Taking steps to resolve these conflicts and set boundaries, even if it is too late, will make significant contributions to both the family relationship and the child's development.
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