Individuals may sometimes fear being abandoned by their loved ones. While experiencing this fear is normal for all people, problems can start when the dose of fear and what it brings with it is intense. Individuals who have high negative feelings about abandonment can live their whole lives according to an order they have established to avoid this fear. In this order, negative experiences such as prioritizing the needs of others, being too caught up in thoughts about worthlessness, being constantly on the edge of not being abandoned can take place.
Who Has Fear of Abandonment?
Fear of abandonment gender It can be a situation experienced by many individuals regardless of age, socio-economic level. If not intervened, psychological problems such as depression, anxiety disorders, anger problems, and lack of stress management can be seen.
What Causes the Fear of Abandonment?
Many reasons can be counted at the root of the fear of abandonment, but one of the most important is the anxious attachment bond that the individual establishes with the caregiver during infancy. When the caregiver does not meet the needs of the baby instantly, completely and happily, a completely secure attachment may not be formed between the baby and the caregiver (parent, caregiver, grandmother…). For a baby who is trying to discover his place in other people's lives, his experiences in the process of meeting his needs will form his belief in himself, other people and the world. Therefore, the answers to questions such as "am I lovable", "am I valuable", "am I good enough", "will people stay with me when I need them" will gradually begin to take shape as a result of this bond.
Only the caregiver and the baby. Not only the attachment process, but also some negative events experienced by the individual can create fear of abandonment. For example, life events such as death, abandonment, resentment can also reveal or trigger the fear of abandonment.
How Do I Know If I Have Fear of Abandonment?
Individuals who have fear of abandonment may behave in the following ways. :
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Because individuals are afraid of being abandoned, they show intense interest to the point of overwhelm the other person, they always expect closeness, they receive gifts.
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May not see herself as lovable.
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Fear of being abandoned, she leaves the relationship hoping to ease the pain, so she may change romantic partners frequently.
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May be very jealous in romantic relationships or friendship relationships, may feel like her place is not solid.
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She may have difficulty getting close because she doesn't want to be left and sad afterward, He may keep his relationships superficial.
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He may insist on maintaining his relationships, even if they are unhealthy.
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Even if he does not get pleasure when it comes to sexual intercourse He can continue by taking into account the pleasure of his partner.
How Can I Get Rid of My Fear of Abandonment?
The first step is to remember the traumatic events you experienced and find out at what point and why it destroyed you it could be. Afterwards, it is a good option to see if these situations that destroyed you when you were weak can cause the same damage in your current adult state and to strengthen yourself as an individual. When you realize your valuable, successful and competent points, you may find that there are not as many reasons for abandonment as you think.
If this fear is mild, noticing and trying to change your behavior patterns will also be an effective way.
Social support is always good. Trying to create a support group of your friends that you can confide in and tell your troubles to will make this painful process more bearable.
However, it is important to remember that the fear of abandonment stems from deep-rooted and complicated beliefs. Therefore, it will be the healthiest option to get professional support to realize your thoughts and feelings and change your behavior patterns.
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