You look at some people, they are sincere and comfortable in their relationships with others. Others act very distant and shy away from close relationships; If someone wants to establish intimacy, they either choose to end their relationship or manage to keep a large distance between them. Such people behave this way mostly because they are afraid of exceeding their limits and being victimized afterwards. So, what kind of attitude do we have in our own relationships? In other words, are our relationships based on secure attachment?
Various attachment styles are formed depending on the type of bond a child forms with the first caregiver or mother. With the formation of the first attachment, the child makes emotional investments that will affect his future behavior and thoughts. He develops an attachment style towards new people he encounters, similar to the relationship he had with his mother when he was a child.
A person first establishes a relationship with his parents or caregivers who can replace them in his life. They are the first to learn what the world is like and how to treat others. If the mother makes her child feel that the world is a dangerous place and therefore untrustworthy, the child will be more cautious, anxious or avoidant in his relationships than he should be, creating an insecure attachment. Because when the child needed his mother, he could not find her and did not receive enough attention and love that he expected. Therefore, he will try to compensate for this deficiency by either becoming too attached to others for fear of losing them (anxious attachment) or by preferring to stay away from others in order to minimize the harm he may receive (avoidant attachment).
On the other hand, a child who sees his mother when necessary and can feel her love and affection sufficiently prefers to be moderate in his relations with others in adulthood. He establishes healthy relationships in a self-confident manner, in which he can both protect his boundaries and trust without fear of abandonment. At this point, the person is in a secure attachment. Can easily empathize with others; When faced with a problem, he tries to find solutions instead of being aggressive immediately. He can establish warm and affectionate relationships when necessary. However, if a relationship is not trustworthy and the person has difficulty in fully maintaining the balance in their relationships due to their anxiety, they can collect clues about that first relationship that affects how they perceive the world and their environment. Thus, thanks to the awareness he gains, he can direct his relationships more accurately.
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