In my last article, I talked about patterns in raising children. In fact, these patterns are present in every moment of our lives. Unfortunately, it even exists in our emotions. While talking about our feelings with one of the young people who came to me for help, we also discussed the feeling of sadness. While talking about this subject, he said to me: "I don't get upset easily, but if I get upset, I don't show it. Maybe the last time I cried was when I was 3-4 years old. Then I didn't cry for anything." When I talked to the young man more deeply about this, I realized that even if he was sad, he saw it as a strong stance not to show his sadness or not to cry.
Unfortunately, this situation is especially intense in our culture. The child gets hurt, gets upset about something, and starts crying. Immediately, "What kind of a man are you? Can a man cry over this, or can one cry like a girl?" With questions such as these, a natural action such as getting upset and crying for the child is turned into an action that causes shame. This is not enough; the expression "crying like a girl" marginalizes women by making them look weak. It also makes being a woman seem like a shameful situation. That child fights a tremendous battle with his emotions in order not to look like a "woman" in the future. This means "women are weak, that's why they cry, you're a man, you shouldn't cry, if you cry, you'll become like a woman, silence yourself, keep your pain inside." No matter how we look at it, it's an approach full of mistakes. But the situation is quite normal since those who give these messages grew up with these patterns.
First of all, we need to teach our children that emotions are not the same as boys or girls. There is no connection between being strong and suppressing negative emotions. Just as the reaction of joy is to laugh; The reaction to sadness, disappointment, and stuckness can also be crying. Our essence does not change when we are sad, happy, happy or angry. In fact, if we listen to what our emotions want to tell us, we will make many discoveries about ourselves. "What does this feeling want to tell me, why do I feel this way?" are among the questions that need to be asked. Accepting and confronting our emotions is also the approach that will lead us to a solution and ensure our inner peace
People who suppress their emotions allow fault lines to accumulate energy. They exhibit a similar structure. If that accumulated energy explodes somewhere, it will cause great destruction. This destructiveness may sometimes be directed towards the person's environment, or sometimes towards himself.
It is also known that crying releases the happiness hormone, makes it easier to cope with stress, and removes toxins from the body thanks to tears. These are the underlying reasons why crying people say "I'm a little relieved now."
That's why you can talk to your children about all your feelings. Do not hesitate to ask them what they are feeling in order to make them aware of their feelings. Talk about their feelings when they get upset or cry. Share with your children how an event you encounter in family conversations arouses your emotions so that they do not become alienated from their feelings.
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