Why do children cry? Is it because they don't have what they want? Out of shyness? To get what you want? These are the questions we all ask and may be the first questions that come to our mind. Have we ever thought otherwise? Or did we really ask from the heart? Why are our children crying?
Tears are children's words. A child born into the world was crying out to his mother before he had language development. Each cry of the baby was for a different need. Some cries were from hunger, some cries were from the desire for skin contact, some cries were from fear. Every cry has a meaning, tears are words that the child cannot put into a sentence.
This is the case for children with advanced language. Children who speak fluently may also need to express their feelings through tears. While it is very difficult for us adults to experience and express our emotions, we cannot expect a small child to express their emotions verbally. Children with a lot of earthquakes in their tiny bodies and minds are very much affected and crushed by the things we say to adults as "oh what's wrong with that". Tears do not only express these experiences. It also allows for evacuation and relaxation. While everything is very difficult for children who have just met the world, let's not take away their feelings and opportunities for relaxation, which are expressed through tears. I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU. LET YOUR TEARS RELEASE YOUR LITTLE BODY AND SOUL AND LET YOUR BODY RECORD ACCOMPANY HEALING PROCESSES.
What should we do in front of a crying child?
When you're with someone who cries, you need to "give space" first. Ok, there is nothing to cry about, calm down can make the person feel worthless, angry and think that they are not understood. This is the same for children. Instead of trying to calm a crying child, first give him a safe space to cry. It is very important to put this into words. “You can cry, don't hold back, take a deep breath, let the tears go Let it flow, let it flow, so that it will comfort you”
In our culture, there is a handkerchief to immediately give a handkerchief to a crying person or a child. This is indirectly saying take away your tears and shut up. Giving a handkerchief to someone who is crying immediately stops their tears and causes them to suppress their emotions. It is enough to hold the handkerchief in our hands, if the person or the child wants, they will take it from us anyway. It is very important that she is ready.
When children cry, we must first consider why they cry. We must think without judgment.
Crying because I didn't do what she wanted is a judgment, and the thought that she was upset because she didn't want it accepts the child's feelings.
When the child calms down, it is necessary to reflect these feelings on him. It hurt a lot, you were very upset that I did not buy you a toy, you were angry with your brother, etc. Reflecting emotions in such a way makes the child feel valued and understood.
To be understood is the most important need of every living thing in life. Understood child calms down...
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