Many parents explain that they have difficulty in getting their children to listen and ask; How can I make my children listen? Although there are many answers to this question, it is necessary to pay attention to some basic issues. First of all, children are not responsible for fulfilling every wish of their parents. They are independent people, not the property of their parents. They have their own wishes, will and ideas. If respect is expected, respect must be given. Apart from this, another important issue to know is their developmental characteristics, temperament and needs. Our expectations from children should be realistic. For example, a child aged 1-2 years old going through a drawer is an age-appropriate behavior and a necessity. It is very difficult to prevent this and it harms the child.
Sometimes children put a lot of pressure on adults. Acts impulsively, aggressively or destructively. Your nice conversations are useless and the child repeats that "bad", "wrong", "harmful" behavior again and again. "He's doing it to spite me," you say. Serious stubbornness begins. A power struggle ensues. Let's see who will win?
At that moment, the adult looks at the child hard (this used to work in the past), says a harsh word, shouts, grabs his arms and shakes him, or slaps him. The child immediately becomes silent. Violence worked. Although harshness varies from person to person, harsh discipline generally works. Sometimes this could be a look, sometimes hitting or mauling. What it makes the child feel is great terror. Whatever the child is doing, he stops, freezes and becomes silent. The adult has won the war. He is not happy, but he can still turn around and play with his phone, for example.
Adults are a kind of giant compared to children. Let's compare our ratios in terms of height and weight; In the child's view, an adult is a giant in the adult's view. Imagine a giant turning around and yelling at you or slapping you twice. Even if he leaves, that horror continues. Even if the pain of the slap subsides, the atmosphere of fear created by the adult continues to rage. And the most important thing it teaches the child is; The power coming from outside works. Maybe if communication had been established at that moment instead of violence, the child would have learned something from there, but now the only thing he has learned is obedience; obedience to those who are greater/stronger than themselves. The child has missed the opportunity to think about what he has done. He becomes increasingly deprived of responsibility, empathy, and the ability to make the right decision.
This creates the human behavior of wearing a seat belt if there is a traffic police officer, paying his debt if he is to be taken to court, and not hitting his friend if he is going to see the teacher.
Violence. It works. It transforms individuals and ultimately society. It creates a society that can be digested through oppression and tyranny. “What difference does my opinion/my objection make?” By saying this, it creates a society that allows all kinds of evil and does not speak out. It creates a mentality that votes for those who are strong, invests in those who will win, but never comes to terms with it, and even inflicts the same things on others when they get the chance.
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