The arrival of a new baby causes many sudden changes in the family. Before the baby is born, parents devote most of their energy and attention to preparations. After the baby is born, most of the care and attention is directed towards meeting the baby's needs.
All these changes can be difficult for the older child to cope with. In this case, it is not uncommon for the older child to exhibit inappropriate behavior, to be aggressive or grumpy, or to behave in a baby-like manner in order to attract attention again.
Preparing the older child for all these changes will ensure that the problems that will be experienced will be minimized.
During pregnancy
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There is no right or wrong way to break the news that you will have a sibling. However, the timing of this is important. It is necessary to give the news to the child when the mother's belly gradually begins to become visible or when you announce it to those around you. The child should hear the news that he will have a sibling from his parents.
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The most appropriate way is to explain when your sibling will be born using terms your child can understand. The concept of time is not yet fully established in preschool children. For this reason, a child at this age cannot understand that his sibling will be born in 9 months and often asks when the birth will occur. After a while, he gets bored of waiting. When you explain the time using terms that the child can understand, for example by showing it on a calendar, it will be more understandable for the child because you have concretized the time.
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Preschool children often ask where the baby will come from. What the child is wondering about here is not sexuality, but where babies really come from. In response to this question, we understand that there is a place in the mother's womb prepared for babies to grow; It will be enough for the child to say that when the time comes, it will come out through a hole in the mother. Telling that in case of a cesarean section, your abdomen will be cut and the baby will be taken out will frighten the child and cause him/her to think that the baby is harming you.
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If you are thinking of moving your child to another room or bed, do this. You should do this well before the baby arrives so that the child does not feel left out because of the baby.
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Take it with you to your prenatal doctor's check-ups. This way, he can follow the birth time.
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Talk about what will happen when the baby first comes home. You may be tired in the first days and the baby will take up most of your time; Explain that she will do nothing but feed, sleep and soil her diaper, and that she needs to grow up so that they can play together.
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If possible, go to visit your friends who have a new baby.
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Read books with your child about pregnancy, birth, and newborn babies. Ask about his/her feelings and thoughts about the baby, give him/her the opportunity to ask questions and share them.
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Watch photos and movies of your child's birth and infancy together. Describe his birth and what kind of baby he was. Tell him how excited you were when he was born and how everyone wanted to see and hug him.
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Show through the doll how the baby should be held and how to treat him.
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Let him participate in the preparations for his brother. For example, choosing the hospital discharge suit together, helping you prepare the hospital bag, finding a name for the baby.
When planning the birth
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When the birth time approaches, arrange how long you will be in the hospital and who your child will stay with while you are away, and inform your child of this situation.
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Ensure that the child's routine does not change as much as possible while in the hospital and after returning home.
After the sibling arrives
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Spend special time for your elder. Parents should spend one-on-one time separately with the older child.
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Listen to your child's feelings about his sibling and the changes at home. Let him know when he expresses negative emotions. Help your child verbalize his or her feelings. Never deny or ignore your feelings.
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Do not allow harmful behavior in any way. Make it clear that you do. Teach him ways to express his anger. For example, they can express their feelings through dolls or puppets.
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You can prepare "sister" or "brother" gifts that your friends or relatives will give. This way, when the baby receives a gift, your older child will feel not left out.
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Remind those who come to see the baby not only to care about the baby, but also to show interest to the elder.
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Assure the older child that he/she has a private space and belongings that he/she will not have to share with the baby.
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Ask your older child for help with household chores and baby care, and give him/her special tasks ( It is important not to force the child in this regard, your child will guide you).
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Encourage the child to participate in the care of the baby (such as washing, dressing, pushing the stroller).
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Talk about the benefits of being an older child (he can choose what he wants to eat, go to the park and play, make friends).
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Your older child may not show any interest in the baby. In this case, do not force him to take care of the baby. He will take care of it in time.
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When your child behaves inappropriately, do not punish him immediately, try to understand his feelings. This may be a sign that your child needs more one-on-one attention. Help him express his feelings appropriately.
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