The need to love/ be loved, THE STORY OF THE CONTACT MESSAGE AND THE WARM SOFTS
''People who don't get enough contact get their spinal cords shrunken''
British proverb
All living things Living things need to love and be loved. The best way to show this is to make contact. What is mentioned here is not necessarily the existence of a physical contact. The need for contact message is a concept that includes the hunger to be touched. People can satisfy their hunger for touch through their 5 senses. It's like a nice word, a nice smell, a sincere hug. All people want to satisfy their hunger for touch, if they can't, they try to reflect it in a different way. Although I don't like to generalize, most of the time, putting hands in pockets, tying arms, using rosaries, smoking and similar body expressions can give us clues that there are unmet needs somewhere. In a study conducted with twin babies staying in social service institutions, it has been scientifically proven that children who are less touched have 17 percent lower academic success, less assertiveness, low self-confidence, weak immunity, and higher respiratory tract infection problems compared to their other siblings. This work is very valuable and important. It has shown us how important it is both in our approach to children as parents and in interaction with other people we relate to. At this point, contact messages have a very important place in our relations. And it is so important that we often settle for negative ones rather than none. In this regard, it would be useful to remember the saying of Rollo May, one of the most famous existential psychotherapists in the world, "The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference". With this approach, it is a little easier to try to understand the "love or beat" mentality of most women who are subjected to violence by their spouses. One of the reasons for this is that the woman may have seen this from her own father in her childhood, and it may not be as disastrous in her world as in the world of the other, or she may be unconsciously destined to complete her life with her partner, which she could not complete with her father, or she may somehow satisfy her hunger for contact message. ir. But we can think about how different and beautiful ways this contact can be made and how we can touch our loved ones. Let's get rid of the stereotypes that showing love creates weakness or giving too much love creates ingratitude. Instead of dealing with tactics, let's persistently show our love in its most natural and pure form. Especially during the pandemic we have been in for a long time, most of us have experienced how much we are deprived of contact messages and how much we miss to hug, kiss and touch freely. This is just one of the many teachings the pandemic has to offer. I would like to share Claude Steiner's fable with you to understand the importance and meaning of this subject. After you read this tale, you can start to distribute both this tale and your warm soft drinks. The tale begins like this:
Once upon a time, there was a happy couple named Tim and Maggie who lived with their children, John and Lucy. To understand how happy they were, let's see what kind of life they lived...
In those happy days, everyone was given a small Soft bag when they were born. Anyone reaching into this bag could always pull out a Warm Soft. Hot Softs were very popular because whenever someone was given a Hot Soft, they felt very warm and happy.
It was very easy to get Hot Softs in those days. Whenever someone wanted to, they could come up to you and say, “I want a warm Softball”. At that time, you would take out a soft bag the size of a child's hand and give it to you. As soon as he saw the soft sunlight, he would smile and become a big, furry Warm Soft. When you put the Warm Soft on someone's head, shoulder or lap, it would curl up and melt on their skin, making them feel so good. People have always asked for Hot Fluffs from each other, and since everyone gets them for free, finding them when asked was no problem. There were a lot of Softs going around and everyone was very happy, they always felt warm and happy. Time and time again, a witch came to this happy city who was making magic potions and ointments for the sick, and she was very angry about it because everyone was so happy and feeling good, no one was able to use her magic potions and ointments. he was not taking it. The witch was very clever and devised a very treacherous plan. One fine morning, while Maggie was playing with her daughter, the witch silently approached Tim and whispered in his ear, "Tim, look at all those Fluffs Maggie gave Lucy. You know, if he keeps giving like this, it'll all be over and you'll have no more!” Tim was shocked. He turned and asked the witch: "You mean to say that we won't have Hot Fuzzy in our bag every time we lie down?" The witch replied, “No, it certainly won't, once it's over, it's the end. You will never have it again.” After saying that, she flew off on her broomstick, laughing and giggling all the way. Tim took this seriously and started paying attention to it every time Maggie gave him a Warm Soft. He was very worried because he loved Maggie's Hot Softs and he didn't want to give them up. He didn't think it was right at all for Maggie to spend all her Warm Fuzzies on children and other people. Now Tim started complaining and pouting when he saw Maggie giving someone Warm Fuzzies. And because Maggie loved Tim so much, she stopped giving other people Hot Fuzzies like she used to and saved most of it for Tim. The other children followed them and became convinced that it was wrong to give Hot Soft to anyone who asked for it. They also began to be very careful. They followed their parents very closely, and when they realized that they were giving too much Warm Soft to others, they became jealous and grumbled, and sometimes even broke into tantrums. Although they found one Hot Soft every time they looked through their bags, they started to feel guilty when they gave it to someone, so they started looking at their bags less and became more stingy about it. Before the Witch, people would gather in groups of three, four, or five, never paying attention to who gave Hot Soft to whom. After the arrival of the witch, people began to mate and separate all their Warm Softs privately. People were worried when they forgot to be careful and gave Hot Softs to anyone, because they knew that someone would probably be offended by sharing Hot Softs. People began to give less and less Warm Soft and felt less happy and warm. they set up. They began to contort in pain, and sometimes even died from the absence of Warm Soft. People felt worse and worse, and they went more and more to the witch to buy magic potions and ointments, even though they didn't seem to work very well.
The situation was getting really dire. The evil witch who was watching all this actually didn't want people to die because dead people wouldn't be able to get her magic potions and ointments, so she devised a new plan. Everyone was given a bag very similar to the Fluffy Bag for free, except the Soft Bag was hot, this one is cold. There were Cold Thorns in the witch's bag. These Cold Thorns did not make people feel happy and warm; instead, it actually made people feel cold and angry. But Cold Thorns were better than nothing, keeping people's backs from aching and twisting. So from that day on, when someone is asked for Hot Soft, those worried that they'll run out of their bag will say, "I can't give you Hot Soft, but would you like Cold Spike instead?" he was asking. Sometimes people walk towards each other thinking maybe I can get a Hot Soft this time, but one of them changed their mind and gave Cold Thorns instead. So, as a result, people no longer die, but in fact, many people were unhappy and felt very cold and angry. Since the arrival of the witch, the situation has become very complicated because less and less Hot Fuzz remained around, and Hot Fuzzes that were free like air became extremely valuable. This caused people to do all sorts of things to get Hot Softs. People who could not find a generous mate had to work long hours in order to earn a lot of money to buy Warm Softs. Some people have become “popular” and have a lot of Hot Softs without having to return them. Later, these people sold their Hot Softs to “unpopular” people so that they too felt that life was worth living. But over time something else happened: Some people took those Cold Spikes -- ubiquitous and freely available -- and coated them white and fluffy, so they were almost They looked like Hot Softs. These fake Hot Softs were actually Plastic Softs and caused even more trouble. For example, two or more people would get together and give each other free Plastic Softs. They hoped they would feel better, but instead they felt worse. People got very confused, for some reason they didn't realize that they were getting cold and angry feelings because of Plastic Softs.
So the situation was very, very bleak and it all started when the witch arrived and convinced people that when they unexpectedly looked into their Warm Soft bags, they would never find any Softer any more.
And after a while, this unhappy feeling A young woman with big hips came to the ground. He didn't seem to have heard anything about the witch and didn't seem to worry about the Hot Softs running out. He gave them for free, even when not wanted. People called her the Big Butt Woman, and they didn't like her very much, because she was instilling in children the idea that they shouldn't be afraid of running out of Hot Softs. The children liked him very much because they felt so good around him and they started following his path by giving Warm Soft when they wanted. This made the adults very worried and they passed legislation to protect children from consuming their stock of Hot Fries. The law made it a criminal offense to recklessly and without permission give Hot Soft. But most of the children remained indifferent to this; Despite the law, they continued to give Hot Soft whenever and whenever asked. There were too many adults as well as too many children, so perhaps the children would go their separate ways.
With reference to this tale, we can compare the contact messages that I mentioned and that we need to these warm, soft ones. Do the adults who start to think the same as the witch start to distribute the hot softs again? Here is the answer to this question ourselves. We all have innumerable hot mellows in our purse and innumerable ways to distribute it. Moreover, why do we have such a hard time giving these warm soft drinks, which can be given without any monetary compensation? Be sincere in your answers to yourself and try to grasp the logic of your answers. You can do this like this:
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