Children first learn to love and be loved from their parents. In a family environment, it is very important for parents to care for each other with love and to make their children feel this beautiful bond. Every child deserves to grow up in a happy and peaceful home. Which child would want a home environment where there are constant fights at home and parents look at each other with anger? Especially if the situation has reached the level of violence... Children feel the unhappiness and tension of their parents, in fact, they are aware of everything... In such cases, a divorce decision may be the right decision for the psychological health of both the parents and the child, rather than continuing the marriage.
How will I explain the divorce to my child?
Managing this process correctly is very important to prevent permanent wounds on the child. First of all, this decision should be explained to the child in the most accurate way in the presence of both parents. Explanations should be clear and should not confuse the child further. What the mother and father say should be consistent, the child should not be given promises that will not be fulfilled in order to make them happy at the moment, and the child should definitely not be lied to. Parents should not speak in a language that blames each other. Children generally blame themselves for the divorce and think, "I upset them, they are getting divorced because of me." During this process, it should be explained to the child that the child is not guilty and that this is a decision they made.
Especially for young children, what will happen to me now? Who will I live with? Will I never see my mother or father again? Question marks such as these arise and these uncertainties make the child anxious. These questions should be answered clearly, one by one, and the child's anxiety should be reduced.
How does divorce affect my child?
Every child's personality and developmental characteristics are different. The child's age, gender, changes in his/her life after the divorce, and his/her relationship with the parents are the factors. Some children get through this process quickly, while others have a more difficult time. Possible reactions of children after divorce are feeling unhappy, helpless and pessimistic. During this process, the following behaviors and emotional states can be observed in children;
*Pessimistic, depressed mood
* Frequent desire to cry
*State of anger
*Blame one of the parents
*Excessive attachment to the mother or father
*Friends Not wanting to see someone or not wanting to do things they used to enjoy
*Reluctance to go to school, decrease in grades
* Bedwetting, nail biting, night terrors in younger children
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*Irregularity in sleep and appetite
The child should be observed carefully. The frequency and severity of behaviors are important. If necessary, support should be sought from an expert. Sometimes parents consider getting back together because of these negative reflections of divorce on their children. Getting back together, as well as divorce, is an important decision that should be carefully considered.
What should parents pay attention to after divorce?
What if parents terminate their marriage ties? Even though their children and their roles as parents are the only things that do not change. It is advisable to minimize changes in the child's life after divorce. For example, if possible, the house where the child lives and the school he attends should not be changed. If possible, it is recommended to continue family rituals, such as celebrating the child's birthday together.
After the divorce process, unfortunately, some parents still continue the conflict and friction between each other. If one party wants to continue the relationship and make peace, they can use the child in this situation, or they can make statements that will confuse the child, such as "we still love each other, we will make up soon." Unfortunately, these cause confusion in children, increase their anxiety and cause them to be stuck between parents.
In our society, there are thoughts that every child of a divorced family will be unhappy, unsuccessful or problematic. Or every problem experienced is attributed to divorce. Of course, divorce affects both parents and children negatively, but it would not be correct to say that divorce alone causes psychological problems in the child. It should not be forgotten that it is much more important for the child to grow up in a peaceful environment than to have an unhealthy marriage. The important thing is to carry out this process in a healthy and correct way as a parent.
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