When approaching people, I try to get to know them first. Once I learn about them, I start to open up. Even if my relationship eventually progresses, they know little about me. If they find out, I am afraid that one day they will use this information against me, and I think they can take advantage of me. As a matter of fact, I see these concerns come true frequently. We formed a group a month ago with the friends I met with for a project assignment. Even though I don't trust them, I have to complete this assignment with them. I realized that they would use me and make me take almost every step. I do my best, but of course I don't want to get the same score as them at the end of the assignment. I immediately took precautions and, in order not to be evaluated in the same way as them, I contacted the person in charge of the project and explained my contribution to this assignment and how others were trying to benefit from it. I can say that I was relieved when I learned that we would be evaluated separately after my complaint. Actually, I regretted it at first, but
it passed quickly. I'm trying to remember when I first stopped trusting people. Many memories of my life with my father come to my mind. Once, I was subjected to my father's insults again after returning from school. I don't even remember the reason. He says he canceled the zoo trip we planned a month ago as punishment. From here on it's always the same... My mind says stop. Don't trust!
If you have thoughts that you will be used, harmed and hurt in some way, especially by your relatives, spouse or partner, and if you often find yourself questioning whether there is an ulterior motive in your relationships due to the influence of these thoughts, one of the reasons for this experience is “skepticism and abuse”scheme… This schema tells you that people will deceive you, so despair and disappointment are on the way, and that you should not trust people.
In our childhood so that we can become adults who adapt well to life. We see that positive effects emerge if certain points we need are met. So it doesn't have to be perfect. In answer to the question of what a child needs for his development, every person actually faces There are some universal needs that need to be met. A child primarily needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries, and connectedness with others. If these are met, the child's psychology will progress healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of these is the "skepticism and abuse" schema... Due to the schema effect, your environment has become an unsafe and threatening environment. Most of the time, even though you have no evidence for this belief, your belief seems real to you and therefore you may experience outbursts of anger. You may display an aggressive attitude towards those around you, and you want to prevent people from seeing your weaknesses and using you. You try to hurt them before they hurt you. Even if your partner is really nice to you and cares about how you feel, you may try to turn your relationship into an abusive one and try to relive times when you were abused in your childhood. What might be the basis of the “skepticism and abuse” schema?
You may have been exposed to physical, verbal or sexual abuse by someone in your family in your childhood. One of your parents may have broken promises to you, deceived you, and shown you that they are untrustworthy. You may have memories of him belittling you and often belittling you. When you are struggling with your schema, try not to abuse the relationships you have with people who are close to you and who truly care about you, and try to trust them. Stay away from relationships in which you think you are being abused. You may be drawn to these types of relationships due to schema chemistry. Whatever memory you had in your childhood, stop blaming yourself. Keep in mind that the schema effect is powerful. It will help you to remember that you are an adult now and your coping skills are strong…
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