Hello everyone. I would like to talk about the "lack of self-confidence" that we frequently encounter with my clients in our subsequent sessions. What is this trust, self-confidence? What constitutes the rocky paths of our lack of self-confidence? Self-confidence is feeling good about oneself, finding oneself sufficient, having positive feelings towards oneself. If there is a difference between the self that a person is and the self that he wants to be, he experiences a lack of self-confidence. Self-confidence begins in our nuclear family between the ages of 0-6 and is shaped and developed by our upbringing. Especially in the period between 0 and 2 years of age, children meet their needs depending on their parents. Thus, during this period, the child begins to feel that he is 'valuable'. Talking to the child from birth is very important in creating a feeling of value. Especially in later ages, 'approving the child by smiling, kissing and hugging' is very effective in laying the foundations of self-confidence development in childhood. 'Being indifferent towards the child, disapproval, lack of love and attention, physical and psychological violence, separation and death of parents' constitute the basis of lack of self-confidence. With advancing age, it makes the person's character more passive and manifests itself in different ways.
Feeling of inadequacy, feeling like you have to do everything in the best way and striving for it are situations experienced with lack of self-confidence. These people have trouble expressing their opinions and cannot make decisions on their own because they do not want to take responsibility if the decision they make turns out to be negative. They mostly focus on the negative parts of events and ignore the positive aspects and are affected by those negativities. They are shy and embarrassed to enter social environments, and at the same time, they seem to experience introversion. They are physically very vulnerable to self-dislike and negative criticism. Along with the feeling of inadequacy, being constantly embarrassed in front of people, apologizing, asking people around about their own mistakes, trying to find out where they went wrong, and showing the respect to those around them that they do not show to themselves are situations that trigger a lack of self-confidence. And since these people are labeled this way by the people around them, they always expect the same performance from them. It is expected to show . Not being able to say no is one of the most common problems with lack of self-confidence.
Everyone has different areas that they are good at. We may sometimes fall short in exploring these areas, but revealing these aspects of yourself by staying with yourself will support you in this regard.
If this situation makes you uncomfortable and you want a change in yourself, you can start by 'determining the things you are good at'. If you see a lack of self-confidence in yourself, your first goal will be to accept yourself as you are. When you look around, is there anyone you can describe as 'perfect'? By nature, human beings cannot achieve perfection. If the answer to your question is 'yes, that person is perfect', that person is probably perfect in your eyes, but he may not be perfect in the eyes of others or himself. Remember that the more you value yourself, the more those around you will value you. Making mistakes and mistakes does not make us worthless, learning from them and improving yourself will make your life better.
Take care of your soul...
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