Perhaps one of the most difficult problems we face is how to understand the right person for us. We have to take firmer steps after the painful experiences and disappointments we have received that we thought were right. So, how do we understand this and on what basis do we decide?
First of all, we should know that the expression "love is blind" is not very true. According to research, this heart has no relationship with love. Although the heart is the most important organ of the body, its main function is to pump blood to all parts of the body. In other words, our heart serves our brain. When we feel love, blood and oxygen flow to some areas in the brain, hormones such as cortisol, oxytocin and vasopressin are secreted and some changes occur.
In other words, what we think of as love is, for a certain period of time, due to the influence of these hormones, we have difficulty in making logical conclusions and making the right decisions. It is a state. If we know this, we can try not to be uncontrolled, knowing that no matter how intense our emotions are, it is a temporary process. It is about being able to experience this beautiful feeling with the least damage and not turning it toxic.
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What is more important than trying to figure out whether the person in front of us is the right person or not; It is knowing what we ourselves want:
What do I want?
What are my must-haves?
What is there that I cannot tolerate in a person and in a relationship? ?
On what issues can I be flexible?
I recommend that you frequently ask yourself the question "How much do I know myself?" Before another person comes into your life, you should have solved your own problems as much as possible. Remember, no one should be your first aid kit... You cannot escape life by taking shelter in anyone's port...
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Another important topic is to try to get to know the other person and really see them without rushing. At this point, we should recognize our impulses and try to slow down. It would be a mistake to call him constantly, try to meet him constantly and immediately make him the center of your life. Be patient, choose a slower process rather than investing in the wrong person. If the other party does not comply with or respect your attitude, this may be a sign. There may be someone in front of you who likes you quickly but whose attention drops just as quickly.
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You cannot stay with someone for a long time with whom you cannot talk or have a pleasant conversation. Being handsome or beautiful will not be enough after a short time. Look at the intelligence, wisdom and depth behind his words. The real thing, that is, truth and peace, is here. If you want a lasting relationship, these should be your priorities.
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You also need to understand what his core values are. So what are his must-haves? How does he define his success in life? Is he proud of his car, job or income level, or is what he has learned, seen and experienced more valuable? Although we accept that money is important, being dazzled and excited by financial opportunities causes us to make wrong choices. In my therapies, I see with sadness that many marriages in which only money and the opportunities it provides are at the forefront, but where there is no mutual love and affection, collapse.
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The fact that the other person is self-confident and at peace with himself also affects your relationship positively. Despite everything, if his face is smiling and he has no sharp edges or thick walls, he is at peace with himself. A self-confident individual will not overwhelm you with unnecessary and excessive jealousy and will not have difficulty trusting you. For this reason, being jealous can be sweet and mild, but beyond that it is a psychological problem.
Remember, those who are not happy with themselves cannot make you happy either. Unhappy and restless people will draw you into their darkness over time.
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