All personal development and growth emerges and develops from the same simple awareness. As individuals, we are responsible for everything in our lives, regardless of external factors. We cannot control what happens to us. But we can always control how we interpret what happens to us and how we react. We are always responsible for our experiences, whether we consciously accept it or not. Not reacting to the events in our lives is also a way of reacting. Whether we like it or not, we always have an active role in what happens to us and what goes on inside us. We always interpret the meaning of every moment, every event. We always choose the values by which we live and the criteria by which we measure everything that happens to us. We often see that the same event can be good or bad, depending on the criteria we choose. Whether we accept it or not, we always choose. In reality, there is no such thing as not giving a fuck. It is impossible. We all give a fuck about something. Not giving a fuck about anything is also giving a fuck about something. The real question is: What do we choose not to worry about? What values do we base our actions on? What criteria do we choose to measure our lives? Are these good choices, good values, good criteria? There are people who measure their lives by being positive about almost everything. The truth is that life sucks sometimes, and the healthiest thing you can do is accept that. Denying negative emotions causes deeper and longer-lasting negative emotions and emotional dysfunction. Being positive all the time is not a valid solution but denial. Things can go wrong, people upset us, accidents happen. These feelings also need to be expressed. Problems add meaning and importance to our lives. As Freud once said, "One day you will look back and see that your days of struggle were your best days."
For a good relationship, first of all, two healthy individuals are required. You must have adequate and meaningful social ties other than your partner. A relationship is nourished by the relationships individuals establish with others outside of that relationship. Let you and your relationship have windows that open to the outside. Be open to new acquaintances, friends and associates. All closed systems constantly create problems. If we make ourselves the owner of someone, we are the basis of that relationship. There is a problem. The complement of this feeling is the fear of loss. Especially the bonds established at the deep level, relationships based on mutual understanding and solidarity are the strongest support for resistance to unhappiness and the difficulties of life. In a relationship, one party constantly gives (attention, compassion, material and moral support) and the other party constantly receives, and the balance of giving and receiving is disrupted. The one who constantly gives and always takes may be thrown into the relationship shower to get rid of the feeling of guilt caused by debts that are becoming difficult to pay. Relationship games that involve tactics of tying the other person to oneself, provoking them, making them jealous, and managing them are exhausting. Why this tactical shift when there is enough work and drudgery in life? It is best to settle into the relationship with a spontaneous and authentic existence. Your kisses, touches, hugs, words of love should contain emotion and information. Do you do these by heart, or can you share the moment together by being there with your whole being? Fake sincerity and contentless gestures of love and care distort your perception of reality in the relationship and erode the relationship over time. Try to be natural and present, not to look like double doves. Artificial affect occurs when access to one's true emotions is disrupted. Apparently, he does everything right and behaves well, but because the other party does not feel the closeness, he gets angry and feels misunderstood and unaccompanied. Man is mortal. Hold on to the moment in order to capture life while it is alive. Be open and alert to your relationship, the bond between you, your own feelings and their feelings. Look at your loved one with new eyes every day and live each day as if it were your last...
Actually, how sacred is marriage? It is neither romantic nor natural. However, in the macro system of which we are a part, a more appropriate solution has not yet been found for having children and sharing their responsibilities. That's why marriage is functional. Does marriage kill love? It's not marriage that kills love, it's seeing the reality of the other with the naked eye. When you get married and start living under the same roof, the ordinariness of daily life dilutes the idealized love relationship and the illusion of love quickly melts away. Love will die anyway. Marriage speeds it up. Marriage is the declaration and registration of the relationship to the public. This situation, of course, changes the balance of the relationship. Change begins in the pre-marriage period.Ai People meet, and when they talk about the promise and engagement, a voice comes out in everyone's mind. If the couple does not know each other well enough and does not trust each other, they cannot manage this process well and major conflicts or ruptures may occur. In this regard, before deciding to get married, it is recommended that the parties spend enough time together, establish trust and solidarity in their relationship, and settle into the relationship before settling in the same house. Overly detailed and costly wedding organizations, in which Turkish and American traditions are fused, have become fashionable. This situation tires and wears out couples. The relationship becomes overwhelmed by hundreds of details, objects, and often conflicting preferences and opinions. Families who want everything to be the best at the wedding also spend their savings and go into debt. Usually, these expenses are written off as debt to the other party's household and create extremely unpleasant situations when something goes wrong in the relationship or in the event of a possible separation. The importance, value and meaning that a person attaches to the wedding reveals his expectations from marriage. It is the person who wants to ascend to the throne at his wedding and who is mistaken in thinking that he will continue his life as a king/queen once he gets married. Wedding crazy people have a hard time facing the ordinariness of daily life when the wedding is over. And most of the time, the blame for this falls on the relationship or the other party. For the health of the relationship and the peace of the parties, it is beneficial to keep expectations from marriage and wedding simple and calm. The more rationally you look at marriage, the more you will benefit from getting married.
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