Premature ejaculation is not a problem of not being able to control ejaculation, but of not knowing how to control ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is a common sexual dysfunction. 7 out of 10 men apply to clinics with premature ejaculation problems. Premature ejaculation is when a man does not know how to control voluntary ejaculation and climaxes and ejaculates before he wants. A normal man first gets excited, then enjoys this excitement (plateau) and then ejaculates willingly. This plateau phase is not present in men who ejaculate without control; He gets excited and ejaculates even though he doesn't want to.
We wait for the following elements to occur in order to say that a man has a premature ejaculation problem.
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Less than 7 minutes of vaginal discharge Duration of sexual intercourse (coit) involving penis union,
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The woman is not satisfied,
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Ejaculation occurs even though the man and the woman do not want it,
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Premature ejaculation occurs in almost every sexual intercourse regularly for 6 months.
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Men and women should see this as a problem.
Although premature ejaculation seems to be only a man's problem, it is a problem for both men and women, that is, the couple. Therefore, they can solve this problem together. Because sexual life does not only have a biological dimension. Sexual intercourse; It includes all aspects related to the biological, psychological and emotional relationships of the couple. Therefore, first of all, the causes of premature ejaculation should be investigated and these dimensions should be improved. I believe that a good understanding of the nature and causes of premature ejaculation is almost half the cure.
Causes of Premature Ejaculation
Like every sexual problem. premature ejaculation; It may arise from past learning and experiences, anxiety, marital relationship problems, or a physical illness. If it is related to a physical disorder, drug treatment should be sought. Now let's look at the other prominent reasons:
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Sexuality is shameful.. Sinful.. Forbidden..
In our society, sexuality and sex are confused with each other. . Sexuality is the set of characteristics that exist from birth and make us who we are. Sexuality is everything in the way we sit, talk, dress, etc. If it's sex, two years It is a sharing that includes a series of behaviors such as touching each other, kissing, having sexual intercourse.
During childhood, the child's curiosity should be satisfied by giving simple answers to the child's questions appropriate to his age. If he does not do so; It is called a shame, a sin, and if we cause the child to experience guilt and shame, we may cause inappropriate exploration and pave the way for sexual dysfunction in the future. Especially during the first periods of curiosity and awakening, threats and punishment can cause major problems.
We see that adults who experience premature ejaculation intensely experience these feelings of guilt and shame, dating back to their childhood or adolescence.
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Wrong and Erroneous Masturbation in Adolescence
Masturbation performed to ejaculate quickly, with the fear of being caught at any moment; It both turns into a wrong habit and can lead to prejudices that sexuality and pleasure are bad things. Fear and anxiety are paired with sexuality and can cause feelings of guilt and shame. Therefore, the habit of rapid ejaculation, which begins at a young age, is inherited to later ages.
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Adolescents' Score Obsession
During adolescence, the number of ejaculations during masturbation or the number of consecutive ejaculations during sexual intercourse can be seen as an indicator of masculinity and masculine strength. They try to gain superiority over each other by sharing numbers among themselves. However, they fail to learn that the number of ejaculations does not matter, what matters is pleasure and pleasure. That's why I think sexual education is so important during adolescence. Parents are ashamed and hesitant to talk about this issue with their children. Therefore, they cause their children to have wrong experiences by receiving wrong information.
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Wrong Beliefs, Myths
Presuppositions about sexual life are formed as a result of external information and experiences since childhood. For example; Presuppositions such as "sexuality should always be exciting", "men and women should orgasm at the same time" lead to pleasure during sexual intercourse. These are false beliefs that prevent focusing on your sexuality.
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Performance Anxiety
The duration of sexual intercourse affects the man's masculinity and It is seen as a symbol of his power. There is a perception that if a man can lift his genitals whenever he wants, maintain sexual intercourse for as long as he wants, and make his woman happy, then he is a man. Such a chain of expectations can be overwhelming for men and cause sexual dysfunction. If his thought is "I shouldn't ejaculate prematurely", it is inevitable that he will experience premature ejaculation and he cannot control his ejaculation. His attention is constantly focused on intercourse and anxiety increases.
If there is anxiety, excitement, tension = STRESS, adrenaline and noradrenaline hormones increase. At this point; It becomes impossible to notice physical sensations and experience pleasure. Just as a child whose bladder is full wets the bed, a man who does not feel his rising sexual excitement ejaculates prematurely.
The woman's humiliating, blaming and angry attitude also causes performance anxiety to continue. The man's feelings of guilt and shame cause his problem to continue.
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Relational Problems in Marriage
Marriage A man who has problems in his relationship may unknowingly start to use the "ejaculate now-withdraw" mechanism. This actually begins to be experienced as an avoidance of intimacy. Since the man is not aware of this, he experiences performance anxiety and begins to be unable to control his ejaculation. Therefore, in order to overcome the premature ejaculation problem, relationship problems must first be resolved.
What Should Be Done to Gain Awareness About Premature Ejaculation?
First of all, you should examine your own situation in detail regarding the reasons listed above. Look at your experiences during your childhood and adolescence. What sexual habits, fears, anxieties, traumas do you have? What factors are currently perpetuating this problem? After determining your reasons, you should start this process with the support of your partner.
You Should Notice Bodily Sensations
The real problem is in the man's sexual functions. not, but how they perform their sexual functions. He is in his thoughts about what he will do. A man who cannot clear his mind of thoughts and cannot experience sexuality freely and naturally cannot get away from the feeling of anxiety and has problems with ejaculation. Therefore, the basis of treatment in premature ejaculation is to experience sexual sensations before ejaculation repeatedly and for a long time and to focus the man's attention on sensations at a high level of arousal. When a man learns to realize that he is about to ejaculate at the appropriate time, that is, when he notices his physical sensations, he will be able to postpone ejaculation.
He should focus on the moment
The important thing is to live that moment. What is also important in sexuality is to concentrate on the present and our emotions without worrying about the end point. Additionally, if a person allows his body to move freely while concentrating, sexuality can occur naturally. Otherwise, the man will ask "what kind of sexual intercourse should be?" If one acts in accordance with the generally accepted sexual myths that define the concept of sexual intercourse, a sudden ejaculation will be inevitable!! For this reason, one should try to focus on the moment where the feeling of endless closeness is experienced with the partner, without worrying about the number and duration.
Slowing Down Should Be Learned
What does the man want? In order for ejaculation to occur at the desired time rather than ejaculation in a certain amount of time; Sexual activity should be continued at a low level of stimulation and excitement; when overexcited, one should wait until they calm down or slow down and start sexual activity again after calming down. In this way, one can gain the ability to increase or decrease sexual excitement and learn to stay away from that point where climax is reached unintentionally. But one should not be "impatient" while learning to control ejaculation during this process. Because the important thing is to remember and realize that you need to retreat when the level of excitement increases. It is always better to retreat early than to be late. One must learn not to control ejaculation, but to control the level of excitement in order not to reach the point of inevitability (point of no return) where ejaculation occurs involuntarily.
Treatment of Premature Ejaculation: Sexual Therapy
Sexual therapy involves the therapist and clients talking to each other and asking questions. Premature ejaculation, which is one of the most common but easily treatable sexual problems, includes biological, psychological and relationship-related aspects. A successful therapy process must consider all these aspects. In addition, a successful therapy process should prevent the problem from recurring. The therapy method we use is very effective; because it contains all of these points.
The fact that the man and his wife come to sexual therapy speeds up the process. First of all, the sexual life stories and marriage stories of individual men and women are taken. In this way, the most suitable therapy plan is prepared for them and the therapy is started as a couple.
In the treatment of premature ejaculation, it is not to prolong the ejaculation time, but to reach the feeling of endless closeness that an unhurried intercourse will bring, to improve the ability to have sexual intercourse in a timeless and permanent way. Learning to maintain voluntary control over the ejaculation reflex should be essential.
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