Love is considered a pathology. When a person falls in love, physical and psychological symptoms are observed. Abdominal pain, heart rhythm disorders such as tachycardia, sleep disorders, obsessional thoughts, addiction to the person and suspicious (paranoid) thoughts occur. Although these symptoms do not last long, they are seen more frequently in the early months of the relationship or during the formation process of the relationship, that is, in the phase we call dating.
Why are these symptoms more common in people who are likely to experience feelings such as distress, stress and pain, even when things are difficult and difficult to happen? It is predicted that many people ask this question to themselves or those around them many times. The reason takes us back to our childhood.
Wishing for what is difficult, desiring what is difficult, and ending the desire and demand when the object that is thought to be difficult is created, is attributed to many reasons. Some traumas in our childhood cause this. When trauma is mentioned, the first thing that comes to mind is events that will cause serious post-traumatic stress, such as death, loss or abuse. However, trauma is anything that changes a child's feelings and thoughts at that time and that this process of change is reflected in behavior.
Experienced in childhood;
sibling jealousy,
the presence of a narcissistic parent,
overloading of responsibility on the child,
in the family Traumas such as the presence of raised voice or arguments in relationships,
Relationship with the mother and the milk provided by the mother in the 0-2 age period.
Emotional abuse experienced in the 0-6 age period.
It reflects negatively on the person's partner or social relationships in the future.
It is thought that friendship relationships, especially partner relationships, and relationships with people whom he sees as authoritarian will generally be challenging. These people may want to bring this chaos into their lives in order to relive the chaos of childhood. Why would anyone want to relive their trauma? You can say. The primary reason for this is trauma. What is reminiscent of hunting is that this trauma is unresolved. Every unresolved trauma will find us with the same feelings. We can call this a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Imagine that everything a child wants is fulfilled or the objects the child demands are brought into existence quickly. After having a sibling, when this child's wishes begin to come true more slowly, or maybe even not come true, and his feelings and desires are not seen as much as before, many feelings and thoughts such as feelings of worthlessness, the thought of not being loved, competition with his sibling, and ambition are formed.
When the child reaches adolescence and adulthood, he may turn to objects that he thinks will be difficult for him or to establish relationships with people with whom he will have problems. Desires such as those objects he demanded as a child and trauma can remind him of himself and make him live again unless he can get his object. Later, when he creates this phenomenon in his life that he demands and desires, the need for it can quickly decrease. In fact, what is obtained is not a lover, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, what is desired or demanded is just an object that creates a bridge that makes the person experience the trauma.
The reason for writing this article is that I can observe that people who encounter such behavior or emotions in social or partner relationships tend to see themselves as worthless, unwanted or unloved. However, if you open a small window and see that the other party has a long childhood, they will stop seeing these experiences as an attack on their self. This view will be a tool for achieving strong awareness and improving self-esteem. Remember that if childhood traumas are not resolved, the person seen when looking in the mirror will not be you, the adult you are now, but the child part of you and your parents.
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