Sprey (1979), who adapted conflict theory to the marriage union, emphasized that every couple creates a system and that conflict is inevitable in the marriage system because spouses have their own goals. Conflict between spouses is the difficulty that spouses experience in solving problems and accepting each other's differences. Marital conflict is conflict that is inadequately managed or managed.
Conflict occurs when solutions that are not satisfactory to the partners are reached. That is, conflict arises from the failure of strategies to solve the problems arising from the couples' interdependence. Conflict is “a window through which we can see the function of a close relationship” (Dhir and Markman, 1984).
Some theorists and researchers - Kline, Pleasant, Whitton, & Markman, 2006; White and Klein, 2002; Farrington and Chertok, 1993- believe that conflict is a normal occurrence for couples. Conflict is generally accepted as an inevitable phenomenon that occurs in all relationships (Troupe, 2008). Tezer (1986) described conflict as a process that begins when one party perceives that the other party is hindering or about to hinder its wishes. In his study, Hatipoğlu (1993) defined marital conflict as an interpersonal process that occurs when one of the spouses tries to interfere with the other's interests. Tümer (1998) included two different concepts of marital conflict in his study. In the first definition, marital conflict is described as an interpersonal process that occurs when one spouse interferes with the actions of the other. In the second definition, it is given as disagreements or disagreements arising from contradictory or incompatible needs, goals and expectations.
According to Bradbury, Fincham and Beach (2002), conflict is a process observed when one person's behavior hinders the other person's behavior. Especially distressing events and transition periods, such as birth, job loss, etc., increase the likelihood of conflict among individuals. Fincham (2003) examines the emergence of conflict in marriage in terms of communication between spouses. There are some feelings and thoughts that pave the way for the emergence of conflict. An example of this is when an individual interprets his/her partner's behavior in a way that creates an environment for conflict.
In Uğurlu's (2003) study, it was stated that marital conflict usually begins when one spouse behaves unpleasantly towards the other, in which case the spouses may either engage in an argument or avoid the argument. Özen's (2006) study states that conflict may occur when the existing solutions for couples are not satisfactory.
Conflict theory has a relatively long history. Within the framework of family sociology, Collins (1971), LaRossa (1977) and Sprey (1979) used conflict theory to explain behavior. Eshleman (1981) pointed out that the most basic assumption derived from this theoretical perspective is that conflict is natural and inevitable in all human interactions. Rather than viewing conflict as evil or disruptive to social systems and human relationships, “conflict is viewed as a default and expected part of all systems and interactions, including family systems and marital interactions.” Therefore, if husband-wife or parent-child goals are often in conflict, it is not a matter of avoidance but how to deal with them, how to resolve them. In doing so, “rather than conflict being disruptive or negative, it can strengthen relationships and make them more meaningful and rewarding than they were before the conflict.” According to Sprey (1979), the family and marriage process "reflects a constant state of 'give and take', a situation in which order and harmony between individuals can only be maintained by compromise" (Rank and LeCroy, 1983).
Marital conflict varies in frequency, severity, content, and conflict resolution. While some spouses experience conflict once or twice a day, some spouses experience conflict once or twice a year. There are couples who use physical violence instead of verbal expression in conflict. Issues that cause conflict between spouses may vary, for example, from the woman's working status to having children. Some conflicts can be resolved, while some conflicts remain unresolved. marriages It can be a voluntary or compulsory relationship. In compulsory marriage relationships, even if the spouses seem to get along with each other, they continue their relationship not because they really want to, but because they have to be together. When couples perceive their marriage as obligatory, conflicts begin to arise between spouses (Haley, 1988).
Richter stated that five types of projections that spouses create unconsciously lead to conflicts;
1- Putting someone else in the other person's place: It is when the spouse puts the other partner in the place of someone else with whom he/she has a psychological conflict. In such a situation of reflection, one of the spouses usually relives his past unresolved psychological problems and childhood conflicts through the partner he now sees as suitable for that role, leading to new conflicts. An example of this would be a husband who now lives with his wife the conflicts he had with his mother in the past, or a woman who continues her conflicting emotional relationships with her father with her husband.
2-Mirror role: It can be defined as the situation where spouses want one or more members of the family to be a mirror of themselves. Here, the dominant individual or individuals in the family forces the others to do so and does not allow contradictions.
3-Ideal ego role: It is the person's desire to see himself in the place of someone he wants to be but cannot be. It is the satisfaction of another member of the family reaching a situation that has been ideal for oneself but has never been realized. It is like an example of a parent who could not get the higher education he wanted or choose the profession he wanted, putting pressure on his child for his own ideals.
4-Negative ego role: The individual needs his partner to take away from him a side of himself that he does not like and does not accept, and he tries to realize this in two ways:
a- Scapegoat role: The married individual tries to realize the part of himself that he does not like but does not accept. He blames his wife for all the bad qualities that she does not accept and demands that she be blamed.
b- The role of assuming the weakness: The married individual wants to be in a situation where he can show his weaknesses through his wife and feel strong.
5-Companion role: The married individual shares his/her thoughts, activities or struggles with his/her spouse. He wants to be in the same parallel, that is, the companionship of his wife, and he forces her. He chooses a partner who can accompany him and assigns this role to her (Richter, 2000).
Three basic views are mentioned in research focusing on conflict in marriage. The first of these basic views is that they are dependent on each other in many ways and affect each other in various ways; It is inevitable to experience conflict between individuals who have different needs, interests and goals, or who try to achieve these goals with different strategies, even if their goals are the same, and due to limited resources. The second fundamental insight is that conflict cannot be viewed from the outset as “bad” or “good”; Conflict can be destructive, but it can also have a constructive effect. Conflict; While it can cause negative emotions, avoidance, rigidity and aggression, it can also cause change, individuals getting closer to each other, adaptation and integrity. The final fundamental insight is that conflict is a cognitive process. This cognitive process; It includes many phenomena such as attitudes, evaluation, tolerance, acceptance of conflict in the relationship, differences in ideas, opinions or goals between spouses, understanding this difference, resolving the conflict, coping with the conflict or conflict management, and as a result, the decrease or increase in emotional closeness in the relationship. (Ridley et al., 2001, cited in Uğurlu, 2003).
Many issues can be mentioned that lead to conflicts between spouses. Blood and Wolfe, based on the information they collected from 731 wives living in the city who have been married for 1 to 40 years, found that the main areas of conflict between spouses are, from most to least;
1) Money,
2) Children,
3) Leisure activities,
4) Personality,
5) Father-in-law, mother-in-law,
6) It states that it is determined as roles,
7) Religious-political view,
8) Sex (Quoted in Tezer, 1986: 18).
Blood and Wolfe state that conflict issues change as the duration of marriage increases, and the fact that older spouses report less conflict may be largely due to the decrease in communication between them.
Greene, based on data obtained from 750 spouses, n states that the issues that cause the most conflict are listed in the same order for male and female spouses, from most to least:
1) Lack of communication, 2) Constant arguing, 3) Unresolved emotional needs,
4) Sexual dissatisfaction,
5) Financial disputes,
6) Mother-in-law-father-in-law,
7) Infidelity,
8) Conflicts regarding children,
/> 9) Authoritarian spouse,
10) Skeptical spouse,
11) Alcoholism,
12) Physical attack (Act. Tezer, 1986: 19).
Scanzoni and Scanzoni, 1981; Conflict issues that appear prominently in Straus et al.'s 1980 study are money and children. Usually these are at the top of the list, with money in particular being the most common area of conflict. However, household management has been found to be a more prominent point of disagreement than money or child issues. The fourth issue that creates disagreement for many couples is sexual intercourse (Kammeyer, 1987).
Although the presence of marital conflicts suggests negative marriages, the absence of any conflict does not always mean that there is a good marriage. Longitudinal studies have revealed that couples who avoid conflict are less happy in their marriages than couples who experience conflict (Mackey & O’Brien, 1998).
Research has drawn significant attention to many variables that lead to marital unhappiness and dissolution. A significant body of research has been conducted, for example Mathews, Wickrama, and Conger, 1996; Gottman 1994 shows that one of the strongest symptoms of marital unhappiness is hostile conflict. In fact, some studies include Mathews et al., 1996; Gottman, 1994; Gottman and Levenson, 1992 found that the presence of hostile conflict could predict marital dissolution with 80% accuracy. Gottman (1994) defined hostile conflict as a negative couple's interaction pattern, which includes heated and frequent arguments and insults, negative name-calling, unwillingness to listen, lack of emotional interest, and more negative behavior than positive behavior (Topham, Larson v.
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