Anger management is an area that is vital to understand and know how to manage in order to have a healthy and harmonious relationship. Not knowing how to reduce and deal with anger can sabotage a couple's ability to communicate and get along on many levels. Uncontrolled anger can destroy relationships and sometimes lead to violence. Anger is not a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail. Anger is an emotion we all experience and indicates that something needs to be done. Anger makes you aware that there is a problem. How you deal with your anger may be a big part of the problem. For some couples, anger can make it nearly impossible to understand what the problem is and how to fix it. For most couples, the problem is not the anger itself. What becomes problematic is how partners handle their anger and how well they handle their partner's.
Fighting Your Anger
To calm yourself down, take time to think about what you're angry about. .
Own your anger. Remind yourself that your anger belongs to you and that it tells you something about yourself. Anger is often directed at your partner, but it is always about you rather than your partner. You may have valid complaints about your partner's actions, but the emotion is yours.
If the anger is yours, then it means you are in control. Accept that you are in control. Your next step is to think about what your anger is about. Again, try to focus on yourself, not your partner's misbehavior. I'm not saying your partner is right. I'm saying you need to focus on yourself, so you can express yourself to your partner, allowing you to work together to find solutions.
See your thoughts and feelings as your own perspective and also understand that your partner's will always be different from yours. Try to keep in mind that he has his own point of view; After all, you are two different people with different experiences. Thinking this way will help you stay calm as you deal with your emotions. What are your angry thoughts? exactly Try to follow your thoughts to get r picture. It may help to write down exactly what is causing you to feel angry.
Think about what other emotions are involved. Anger is a secondary emotion that often masks primary or softer emotions. Examples of primary emotions are feeling sad, afraid, hurt, or rejected. Anger is often a defense against feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability is often seen as weakness; Most of us have been raised to ignore vulnerabilities and push past problems.
Anger can feel like relief as emotional energy is released and vulnerabilities are removed from awareness. Sometimes it's easier to get angry at your partner than to face the fear of rejection. However, the consequences of reacting with anger in a relationship can be serious. You can experience this at work; Yelling at your colleagues will most likely get you fired.
Focus on Managing Yourself (Not Your Partner)
When someone we love is angry at us, we often feel compelled to soothe and soothe them as quickly as possible. we feel. But ultimately we cannot control anyone's thoughts, behavior or emotions, we are only responsible for managing our own thoughts. Staying calm is much more effective than trying to calm someone else down, and people who can focus on managing their own anxiety and reactions give the other person space to do the same. So, “Please calm down!” Instead, try taking a few deep breaths and slowing your own heart rate.
Similarly, if you are angry at your partner and want them to change a behavior, your attempt to control them will likely produce a negative reaction. The goal is not to embarrass the other person, but to share your thoughts in the hope of being heard. Remember, if your words and actions are lighting up the fear response in your partner's brain, you're probably not going to be heard.
Awareness of Triangles
When you're angry or upset with a partner, a friend, your child, or In fact, complaining to your therapist can be cathartic. Our stress about someone else When we use a third party to manage our emotions, it is often called the emotional triangle. Wanting to come forward is completely human and not wrong. But sometimes this “triangulation” problem prevents us from resolving issues in the original relationship and can make your partner feel lonely and even make them more defensive.
If it's the latter, you can try calming yourself down before asking someone else to do it. While there's nothing wrong with sharing relationship conflict with your therapist, it's important to know that it's their job to be objective and help you do your best thinking. It is necessary for your counselor to remain objective if your partner does not agree with you that the story is the bad one.
Looking Past the Problems
As individuals, we may experience an angry reaction or anxious response that could lead to conflict. There are certain topics that are likely to spark a response. Often these are topics like money, politics, religion, sex, parenting or family drama. It's easy to assume that having different opinions can create anger and conflict, but often they're just immature reactions to these issues rather than our actual opinions. So, instead of getting hung up on resolving the conflict as quickly as possible, shift your focus to responding as maturely as possible. This doesn't mean you have to put up with a partner's abuse or volatility, or even more than you have to stay in a relationship. Maturity means your emotions ask, “What is my best self in this situation?”
If you feel overwhelmed by the amount of anger in your romantic relationship, remind yourself that you are 50% of the equation. If you are calmer and more mature, your relationship will be calmer and more mature. will be mature. Perhaps your partner will rise to the same level of maturity, or perhaps you may realize that the relationship is not right for you. Either way, you are choosing not to let anger run the show. When a person can make that choice for themselves, they are likely to find a partner who can do the same.
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