Love; It expresses sincere interest, a feeling of closeness, wholehearted devotion and deep affection towards someone or something. Erich Fromm considered loving as an art. According to Erich Fromm, love is not a passive attitude but being in a very active state, existing in something. It's not just about being caught up in the strong feeling of love; This activity is like making a decision or making a promise. He mentions that love directed only with the desire to receive love is not a mature and healthy love. Love is primarily giving, not receiving. A person actually gives of himself, his joys, his knowledge and his sadness to the other person. He directs all his human characteristics towards the loved one. He reveals something from himself and his life in the relationship, and he does not give it all in order to receive it. Thinking that we can give love when we are sure of the love of the other person, and focusing on the return by always keeping our desire to be loved at the top, made us get lost in the problem of being loved. It is reflected in our relationships and deepest emotions, such as our desire to consume rather than produce. When you look back at ourselves, what do we truly love unconditionally?
We can say that Erich Fromm expressed in the best way what mature love should be like and how a person can achieve it. In immature love, the expression "I love you because I need you" is replaced by "I need you because I love you" in mature love. A person must reach a certain level of maturity in order to be able to love. It requires knowing, understanding and accepting the other person as he really is. It is when two people perceive themselves as two separate entities, but they become integrated by opening up to each other. A person should not be detached from himself, he should be able to reveal himself as he is with courage and accept the other person with the same courage, so we can talk about a dynamic unity. When this is the case, it is possible to transform and grow together within the relationship. Doesn't the healing power of love come from here? We can say that being able to truly love someone is the beginning and continuation of loving all people and the world.
How this love we mentioned transforms within the relationship, while focusing on giving, maintaining our boundaries in the relationship It can be confusing sometimes. In fact, when we show unconditional acceptance to the other person, it is also important to maintain our boundaries within the relationship. While talking about the fact that a person should not break away from himself, it should also be emphasized that he should protect himself. In mature love, it is possible to show love and respect by protecting our boundaries. By being careful and harmonious when setting boundaries in a relationship, we can find solutions to compromise with the other person without harming ourselves. In order to meet the needs of both people in a relationship, it is important for the relationship dynamic to have open communication, to provide a vulnerable form of communication by taking the other person's feelings into consideration and expressing our own feelings comfortably.
Unconditional love, regardless of how it will benefit us. When we look at the physiological basis of this love we show, research shows that the relevant brain parts are similar to the part involved in maternal love and that the brain is related to the reward request. Our brain shows similar activity in these two situations in the face of this love. Mature love is also good for our body. It increases our life satisfaction, is good for us, reflects positively on our relationship and strengthens togetherness.
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