In this issue, I would like to talk to you about "looking in the mirror". In a conversation I was in recently, a gentleman I just met who learned that I was a psychologist was surprised and after explaining his situation in a few words, he asked, 'What do I have?' ' he said.
This is a situation that psychiatrists, psychologists and psychological counselors often encounter. Of course, it was not possible to answer this question both in that environment and with very limited information. As the conversation continued, the gentleman created the subject of this article with what he said, "One should look at oneself in the mirror for at least 5 minutes a day."
This seemed like a great idea to me. As I mentioned at the beginning, time flies quickly. And in this flow, we do not look back at ourselves. Or can't we just look? Could we be afraid of what we would see if we looked? We see not only our physical features in the mirror; We will be able to see our past experiences, traumatic stories, sadness, disappointments, wishes, regrets, aspects we do not like, our self-structure shaped by the influence of others, and our religious and cultural pressures. This being the case, it must not be easy to look in the mirror.
Human beings tend to always believe in the positive as their self-perception (except for some psychological disorders). If I were to explain with examples; If someone tells you that someone else is lying, you can immediately compare yourself to him/her and think as if he/she is not lying at all. You can even blame the person who lies. To give another example from the family-child relationship; Families generally want their children to study hard, be successful in exams, and study at university. While they want and say this, they may believe that they are perfect in this sense and may be criticized and accused.
Again, based on the family-child relationship; I would also like to give examples of smoking and reading habits. Families do not want their children to smoke, but they often smoke themselves. At this point, they threaten their children with future punishments, forbidden practices and sins. Some of them even use violence (physical, verbal, economic). Likewise, they have not acquired the habit of reading books themselves. But the pressure on their children to study, They display accusatory and punitive attitudes. It is possible to increase the examples. For example, a person who criticizes someone who does not signal in traffic may make an evaluation as if he or she always signals. Or, a person who hurls reproaches from his car at someone passing by at a pedestrian crossing, even though the light is red for pedestrians, may consider himself as complying with the rules as a pedestrian.
I do not want to bore you by giving more examples. In the examples I gave, I want you to consider the following situations as exceptions;
I'm not saying everyone lies, I'm not saying everyone smokes and doesn't signal. What I mean is that people who do not evaluate themselves realistically and "do not look in the mirror" may fall into a POSITIVE ASSUMPTION about themselves. BUT THIS IS NOT REAL.
I should point out that if we evaluate others by knowing what we DO and DON'T DO when we question ourselves REALISTICLY, this is okay. For example, if we look at the issue of lying by saying "I lie sometimes too" or "I never tell a lie, that's why I can't tolerate it" (unless we tell it).
We are all flawed, deficient beings who make mistakes. Therefore, I think that the VIRTUAL state of positivity in the way we evaluate ourselves has something to do with the fact that we are not looking in the mirror. Of course, I used the mirror as a metaphor throughout the article. It is a representation of looking after ourselves.
Concluding my article, I would like to point out this: A person may try to relax by transferring the characteristics that make him uncomfortable in himself to someone else. Therefore, trying to identify the points that make us uncomfortable in ourselves and sometimes looking in the mirror will positively affect our existence.
I wish you a pleasant day...
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