We can define communication as a message transmitted from at least one sender to at least one receiver. 55% body language, 35% tone of voice and 10% words have an effect on communication. In that case, we can say that when two people establish a relationship, the outcome of that relationship is determined by the feeling given to the other party rather than the words spoken. In this article, I will talk about communication problems and feelings conveyed to the other party, their childhood connections and solutions.
Listening is the first thing that comes to mind when communication is mentioned. Listening is an indication of opening space, valuing and caring for the other person. Hearing and listening are different. Hearing the sound of waves means nothing. However, listening to the sound of the waves causes positive or negative emotions to appear in the inner world. If negative feelings arise when the person listens to the person speaking, it disrupts the listening. As a result, the relationship starts to deteriorate. A person can improve this aspect by doing lots of listening exercises.
While listening to someone, many positive or negative emotions are awakened in one's inner world and there are movements. When the emotion gets too intense, it feels the need to interrupt. The healthy thing is to control the emotion, wait for the person to finish speaking and speak when it's their turn.
Another behavior that hinders communication, which is common to most people with relationship problems, is focusing on herself, not on the other person >. The healthy thing to do is to deal with someone's feelings and what they say. One should deal with one's own feelings when alone.
Sometimes the person pretends not to understand what is being said and gets an idiot. The unconscious goal here is to convey bad feelings such as anger and helplessness to the other party. If a person discovers the underlying emotion in which situations he or she is an idiot, he will not be able to do this behavior.
Sometimes the person asks too many questions and does not listen to the answer. The unconscious purpose here is to convey bad feelings to the other party. It is a behavior that damages relationships.
Not giving feedback when communicating is a behavior that inhibits relationships. What the parties need most in a relationship is the understanding and acceptance of their feelings. nod, hum, smile labor means giving feedback, making a small summary of what the other party has said. Otherwise, the person feels like he is speaking into a void.
Sometimes people ask questions they know the answer to. This is also a communication disorder. The underlying reason is that the person runs away from his own bad feelings. The healthy thing is to ask questions with a sense of curiosity.
Jumping from subject to subject is one of the important elements that disrupt communication. Before the person finishes one topic, they move on to the next topic. There are many differences between what he said at the beginning of the speech and what he said at the end. While talking about a subject, some feelings arise, if these feelings are too intense, the person cannot stay on the subject and immediately wants to change it. This unconscious process happens very quickly. It is healthy to stay on one topic and not move on to a different topic until it is over.
Confused talk is a communication disorder to convey the feeling of confusion to the other party.
There are some people who talk all the time and their speech has little purpose such as giving information or solving a problem. Conversation is empty. What is done with talking and empty is to capture the other party. Negative feelings such as boredom, suffocation, suffocation and helplessness arise on the other side. By talking too much and empty, it is aimed to relax by unconsciously putting such bad feelings on the other side.
Telling the same subject over and over is a communication disorder. Even if the person thinks that he is having trouble or chatting, it is unconsciously transferring some bad feelings that arouse in himself to the other party in the subject he is describing. As the other party receives the emotion, he/she relaxes and the interlocutor starts to feel bad. In order not to face these feelings, the person does not answer the question asked or gives a side answer. It's the relationships It is a communication disorder that affects negatively. Another way to escape from the feelings that arouse in oneself is to answer a question with a question. The question asked makes the person feel bad, instead of answering directly, he tries to convey this feeling to the other party by asking a question.
Constantly spying on someone is a common practice, especially in the same house, that negatively affects relationships. is a disorder. What is meant by constant surveillance is that one of the parties is keeping the other under surveillance, focusing or interfering with even the smallest details of when, where and what he is doing, and not giving the other person any space. This is because the person avoids relating to one's own feelings by being preoccupied with another.
Another problem is that the person pity oneself. The person can hurt the other party with his tone of voice, facial expressions or body language, and draw a profile of Little Emrah. Pitying is different from telling your problem, that is, from being sad normally. A truly sad person does not want the other party to feel sorry for him or her. He gets upset in himself and after a while this passes. The trouble of the hurting person will not end. However, when the other party feels pity for him, he is relieved.
Transmitting bad feelings unconsciously transfers the negative feelings in the inner world to the interlocutor. For example, let the person have a feeling of boredom. He pushes the other person until he feels bored, and as the other gets bored, he relaxes. In the short term, it will have negative effects in the long term. After a while, a person begins to be alone.
Why do we do this?
The present is not independent of the past. Whatever one experiences today, positive or negative, is related to childhood experiences. The type of relationship that caregivers establish with both the person and family members during the early development period forms the basis of the relationships that the person will establish in adult life. In this period, if the mother establishes a relationship by giving bad feelings, the person takes a role in their relations by giving bad feelings. If the father is in the role of giving advice to everyone, the person has the feeling of giving advice in his inner world. If a person has a long and muddled figure in childhood, the person learns to relate by speaking long and confused. The brain repeats what it sees.
� Childhood figures do these behaviors to avoid some bad feelings. The person inherits the bad feelings and behaviors that prevent communication from them.
How to Solve it?
The first step is to realize what communication mistake the person made. The next step is to realize what emotion he is doing to escape. The last thing to do is to find out who did this in childhood and to parse it. Sometimes awareness is enough, one can correct it. Sometimes the disorders are more numerous than one might think, and the emotions are more intense. In such cases, it may be useful to get support from an expert.
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