IS HAPPINESS ALWAYS A PREFERENCE?
Do we always experience the result of our own choices in this life?
Some people are born into happiness, loving each other, in their hearts. He opens his eyes to the world as a member of a compassionate family. He learns to love while being loved. I can't think of the belief that one has to make great efforts to be loved. He grows up knowing what a natural process it is to love others. In his future life, he does not have conditional love, he loves as he feels, he is himself, and he is accepted as he is. The inner peace here does not arise from happiness gained through a difficult process. It can be called fate what kind of family we opened our eyes to.
On the other hand, there are children who are born into a stressful process. When children whose familial relationships are broken, who have been their family's scapegoats, who have been raised with anger and oppression, open their eyes to the world, they grow up with the belief that they must always be a problem-free child in order to be loved and accepted. He fights with himself and deals with the anger, resentment and uneasiness caused by not being able to be who he is. His belief that he can be loved is low. He approaches the people he meets in his future life with trepidation. He gets hurt by a negative look or a suggestive word, and believes that he is not loved.
While this person is dealing with so many feelings, being happy and feeling happy becomes a process that requires effort. And maybe he blames himself for why he is like this.
A person cannot choose what kind of family he will be born into, and he should not be angry with his family because of what he went through. This is not a situation that will bring a solution, and it may wear out relationships even more. Sometimes, being able to think "it had to be like this, it happened like this" or "maybe it saved me from worse things" saves you from being stuck in the past in this process.
This will carry the belief that the person will be unhappy and unloved throughout his life. There is no such thing. It'll just take a little more effort. Even if he does not grow up with this feeling, he will learn the basis of his own feelings and make an effort to change them from now on. Even if the current situation seems difficult, you will not feel helpless knowing that there is always something worse, and you will still be motivated by looking at the blessings you are grateful for. He will stand up and take action for change.
Yes, the happiness we are born into is not our choice, but the life we want to lead after we gain awareness, our mindset, our approach to people are completely our own decisions that are realized with our will.
Taking responsibility is the most basic duty of being an adult.
Therefore, love yourself first, change your belief in yourself, believe that your experiences strengthen you and start your life over again
With hope.
Expert Psychologist Zeynep Görenoğlu
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