We live in a gender-biased culture. More and more people are realizing this situation and understanding the importance of raising children without shaping them with "male" and "female" stereotypes. These stereotypes are dangerous for children because they restrict the child's emotions and behavior, preventing them from reaching their full potential. The cultural message is that boys are smarter and more talented than girls, and that girls' primary role in life is motherhood. This assumption of gender discrimination underlies the behavior of parents, relatives, friends and teachers towards children (Pogrebin, 1980). Before age 2, children are often unaware of their gender and their preferences are not determined by their gender. But starting from the age of 3, they learn that it is culturally acceptable for which gender to play with which toys, which clothes for adult men and women to wear, which tools to use, and which activities to take part in (Verner and Snyder, 1966). After a short while, children force each other to comply with these norms. A study conducted in kindergartens revealed that boys who played with dolls, fancy clothes, kitchen toys, or art supplies were criticized by their peers six times more often than other children (Fagot, 1977). Some argue that boys are inherently different from girls, and that preferences and society's gender roles result from these genetic differences. It is a fact that boys are more aggressive than girls, play more power-based games, and prefer cars, wood and hard objects as toys. On the other hand, girls generally prefer dolls, fancy clothes, playing house, artistic activities and dancing (Fagot and Kronsberg, 1982). But the reason for these observed differences is not necessarily biological. The reason why boys and girls prefer these activities may be that their parents treat them differently and have different expectations from them. Often, parents treat boys and girls differently from the first day their child is born. Sometimes parents are not aware of this difference in their behavior. Generally, mothers talk more to their newborn daughters than they do to their sons. They talk okay. They rock their sons more than their daughters, hold them more, and touch them more. Although the behavior of the newborn girl and boy is the same, this difference can be observed in the behavior of the mother. When children grow up, parents continue to treat boys and girls differently. While they buy more dolls and small household toys for their daughters, they buy more cars, balls and repair materials for their sons. They also communicate more verbally with their daughters and more physically with their sons (Fagot and Kronsberg, 1982). Daughters are socialized to be dependent; They are encouraged to touch and be close to their mothers, and they learn to be nice and clean. Boys are expected to be independent and tough, to generally not show their emotions, and especially to hide their emotions such as tenderness, fear, compassion and sadness. The range of 85 emotions girls are allowed to show is wider. The discipline applied to boys is also different. Research has shown that parents beat their sons three times more than their daughters (Straus, 1971).
If you want your behavior towards your children to be outside of sexist stereotypes, a good way to start is with the toys you give them. This means giving both genders both dolls and toy trucks and trains. Parents should also pay attention to their children's attitudes towards their games. If you ignore boys playing with dolls, buying them dolls won't do much good. If you are giving them a doll, you need to encourage them to play with the doll as you do with girls and also buy the doll's accessories such as a bed, clothes, plates and cups. This can be harder than it seems because there are a variety of factors that can get in the way. Your friends and relatives may not be as open-minded as you and may buy your child more traditional, more stereotypical toys. To establish a balance, you can compensate by buying toys that they did not buy. If your relatives only gift your daughter dolls, you can also buy her a toolbox for her birthday. Fear of homosexuality (homophobia), good intentions of parents It may prevent it. In our culture, male heterosexuality is closely associated with the idea of being tough, aggressive, and callous. A "real man" does not act affectionate. Because of this sad attitude, many parents think that encouraging "softer", affectionate feelings and behaviors in their sons will cause them to become homosexual. It is important to note that homosexuality cannot be predicted by childhood behavior (Simon & Gagnon, 1976) and that sexual attraction is not related to gender identity or gender roles. It has been proven that there is no relationship (Green. 1976). Although the factors that cause people to be homosexual are unknown, it is clear that raising children without gender discrimination is not one of them. It is important to encourage your child to have friends of both genders. There is nothing to worry about if your son plays with girls or your daughter plays with boys. There is nothing. Boys who play with girls after the age of 4 or 5 are sometimes thought of as "girly", but parents worry if their sons do not show interest in girls during adolescence. Irrationally, boys who are deprived of friendships with girls in childhood are expected to form meaningful relationships with girls in adolescence. The best way for the two genders to develop good relationships is to play together from early childhood. As a mother or father, you can suggest that your children invite both girls and boys to their birthday parties, and you can make an effort to form sports teams and clubs consisting of girls and boys in your environment or organize other events. Separating boys and girls during childhood does not protect them from homosexuality. In fact, the opposite may be true. It is well known that same-sex experiences are more common in all boys' sports teams and private boys' or girls' schools that aim to turn boys into "real men" and little girls into "ladies". Many children's books discriminate against gender. Books about animals often use only male pronouns, as if there were no female animals. Often the only female animals in these books are clearly mothers. Male and female characters are generally in traditional gender roles; the one who experiences the most adventure, takes the most initiative and takes the most risks. The characters are male, the passive and domestic characters are female. Most television shows are not only better than the books in this regard, but are also much more effective due to their vivid visual depictions on screen. You can reverse these effects at home by buying gender-neutral books for your child. It may also be helpful to limit children's television viewing time and discuss sexist stereotypes with them. Your child is affected by all the factors I mentioned here, but the most important source of information is the model and example you give him. Parents who restrict their own behavior to conform to sexist stereotypes cannot expect their children to reach their full potential. Children learn more from observing you than from any toy or book you can give them.
It is also important to allow children of both genders to feel and express all kinds of emotions. Our culture encourages girls to be fearful and boys to be aggressive, but boys have just as much fear as girls, and girls experience anger as much as boys. It has been observed that boys who consult psychologists and psychiatrists are generally referred to them due to their aggressive, destructive and competitive behavior, while girls are often referred to them for reasons such as fear, shyness and lack of self-confidence (Chesler, 1971). This situation is an indication that children are being raised with gender discrimination. Boys are prevented from crying more than girls and are taught to suppress their emotions. It's no surprise that many adult men, after years of keeping their emotions in check, suddenly explode at little provocation. They become angry and aggressive because there is no other acceptable channel through which they can express their emotions (Yachnes, 1973).
It is natural for children to go through a phase where they conform to stereotypes. Little boys may say they are not interested in dolls even though they are given to them, while little girls may be much more interested in dolls than toy cars and trains. Even if there is no gender difference at home, children need to fully embrace the sexist roles imposed by society. Children probably follow traditional male and female roles in order to be accepted by their peers. They feel the need to conform to their orders.
Even if you think that your child is influenced by his friends and that your efforts are in vain, it is important that you continue to have a gender-neutral attitude at home. The positive effects of this environment on your child may not be evident until he or she reaches adulthood and begins to consider a wide range of careers without being influenced by sexist stereotypes.
It is clear that sexism harms boys as much as girls and deprives everyone of being a whole person. Anything that can be done at home to balance these effects will be beneficial for both the children themselves and, ultimately, the world as a whole.
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