Women have always been the symbol of production from primitive times until today. Women, who take an active role in life, undertook child care in nomadic societies in cave life, engaged in agricultural production in settled life, and today have reached a position of producing economic value in industrial societies. Nowadays, women are actively involved in positions that finance their homes, have status in the business world, make innovations in many fields, and lead many projects. Of course, it has not been easy to reach this stage; it has taken many years for women to first gain the right to vote and be elected, and then to have equal income with men in business life. A woman is the one who shares these feelings, which find meaning in the words efficiency, productivity, love, compassion and mercy, with her children and family. The news of harassment and violence against women, which has been going on for years and still resonates today, saddens us more and more each time and pushes us to find a solution. The differences between men and women attract attention. Raising public awareness about these differences through training will enable healthier relationships to be established in the future. I will talk about the importance and function of the concept of 'Love' in these relationships. We make special plans to show the value we give on such special days. However, not only such special days but also every day is important for us to show our love and value. Loving and being loved is a continuous state.
Since I work with couples as part of my job, we review the differences between the way love is expressed and understood in lovers and spouses. With each couple therapy session, we realize with surprise the place of love language in our lives. What is this love language? I will briefly touch on it here, but anyone who wants can buy and read the book "The Five Love Languages" written by Gary Chapman. As we know from Maslow's hierarchy of needs, after meeting human physiological needs, the next step is to meet the need for belonging, love and respect. When getting married, individuals think about how much they are loved, imagine that they will live their lives happily with the person who loves them so much, and make the decision to get married with this motivation. Lifestyle after marriage Individuals who change, share the same house together and take on different responsibilities try to adapt to this situation. With marriage, the husband-wife system begins to function. I observe an increase in couples applying for therapy in the 4th month and 1st year of their marriage. Couples have common complaints such as not feeling loved and lack of expressions of love. One of the most basic emotions that keeps marriage alive is love, and the expression and perception of love differs from person to person. Therefore, couples need to realize what their spouse's love language is. A little attention will be enough for this. We learn what love is and how to express love from our family at an early age, so the love language may vary from culture to culture. In relationships where love is felt intensely, communication is healthier, higher quality, and more satisfying. As the dose of love increases, communication increases and conflict decreases. Thus, our relationship lasts for many years.
The first language of love is the sentences of Appreciation and Approval. For example; It is a direct expression of love to the spouse in the form of "I Love You". In addition, greeting your spouse with a smile when he comes home from work, telling him that the food he cooked was delicious, thanking him for it, telling him that he is a good mother and a good father, telling him that he has strengths that we see and admire in his spouse, and that the woman is very skillful in repairing the man; It can be multiplied with examples such as a man telling a woman that she looks beautiful and her dress suits her.
The other love language is Spending Time Together; Offering our spouse to take a walk with him/her may be perceived as an expression of love. Offering to have dinner out, go to the cinema, or go to a concert has the subtext meaning "I want to spend time with you, you are valuable to me."
Another language of love is Receiving a Gift, a bouquet of flowers, a piece of jewelry, on the way home. Buying and giving clothes or souvenirs is one of the concrete steps we can take to express our love. I have witnessed some of my female clients say about their spouses, "He tells me he loves you every day, we have been married for 15 years and he hasn't even bought me a flower, I don't feel he loves me." This love language is more common in women.
The fourth love language, Acts of Service, is the love language more adopted by men. A beautiful dinner table prepared by his wife at home for a man coming home from work can be the greatest expression of love for him. Actions such as giving medicine and water to a sick spouse, bringing a cardigan to a cold spouse, and giving slippers are examples of this language of love. When a woman tells us how loving the man doing housework is and how much he values his wife, we can think that that woman's love language is acts of service.
Finally, the love language of Sensual Contact includes touching. I can say that it competes between the first and second categories in the ranking of women's love languages. Actions such as hugging the spouse, holding his/her hand, leaning on his shoulder, arm in arm, and kissing are important for spouses as tactile expressions of love.
All these forms of expression are actions that couples include from time to time, but the continuity of these actions depends on the dynamics of the relationship. It is important for. I wish to be happy men and women in relationships where love is felt and made to be felt.
See you in my next article on "Communication"..
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