Family is the basic building block and core of society. It is an institution where mothers, fathers, children and, to a lesser extent, even adults such as grandparents live together, communicate with each other and "connect" to each other with certain emotions. I think it is important to briefly touch upon the concept of "attachment" when talking about the institution where "they connect to each other with some emotions".
Humans also need the presence of others in order to survive. From this perspective, the most basic relationship a person establishes is the relationship he begins to establish with his mother and then with his father when he is a baby. In this relationship, it is important that the baby's needs are met consistently, with unconditional love and affection, so that the baby can continue to exist safely. This most fundamental mutual relationship is so valuable that it will be the building block of the relationships and communication that the child will establish in later years and when he grows up and becomes an adult. In other words, the relationship our parents establish with us affects our relationship with our child, and the relationship our child will have with their own children, that is, the relationship that is passed down through generations.
In family relationships, it is important that the relationship we establish as parents with each other and with our child is from an empathetic place. Sometimes it is difficult to make sense of our children's behavior and give appropriate reactions. For example, our child, who has problems with his friend at school during the day, may seem uncooperative, irritable, and easily object when he comes home in the evening. It is important to understand what is happening underneath these behaviors. When we don't understand, we are likely to get angry, shout or ignore it, thinking that it is against us. So, when we see behavior that “seems like a problem,” it is important to be able to see what is beyond the behavior before reacting. “What is the other person feeling right now? What is he actually saying to me with this behavior? What does he need now?” Being able to ask ourselves questions at that moment will make things easier for both parents and children. However, doing these things is not always easy for us. For this reason, it would be good for us to know ourselves well and see and meet our own needs. Like the pleasant times parents spend with their children, with each other or alone. It is also important for them to spend time on something that gives them pleasure and comfort.
As parents, we need to know each other and our children well and accept them with all their emotions (anger, anger, sadness, etc.) without forcing them to be a different person. It is also very valuable that we provide them with the opportunity to experience their emotions. Because our children need to know that they are loved and accepted unconditionally in order to be self-confident and to establish healthy relationships. Sometimes we have difficulty accepting them or some of the situations we experience with them. In situations where we have difficulty accepting such situations, it is also important for us to be aware of what this means to us and how we feel. Because we, adults, can confuse the present with what happened in our past. In the shadow of the past, we can approach each other and our children with prejudice. When we are not aware of this, we may have difficulty making sense of the problems that arise between us and our spouse or children, coping with these problems and giving appropriate reactions. We may find ourselves increasingly moving away from the parent-child relationship we dream of.
In addition to understanding, empathy, love, respect and acceptance in family relationships, parents' ability to set safe boundaries for children will make children feel safe and secure, and as they grow up, the child will say "stop!" No!" It will enable him to be more controlled and self-confident in situations where he needs to say something.
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