First, let's try to get to know the feeling of anger a little bit. The emotion of anger, like our other emotions, comes to give us a message. It is actually a useful and natural feeling. What could these messages be? For example, something isn't right in a relationship, but you're covering it up. Anger comes and says to you, 'Look, there's a problem here, there's something you need to fix'. Or in another situation you have been wronged, your anger comes back and gives you the vitality and sense of justification you need if you have to show it to you or do something about it. So the intention is actually good. Therefore, getting rid of anger, not wanting to be angry or trying to shut our ears to our anger are not very appropriate expectations, and it is not rational not to feel anger so that we can live our lives in the way we want. The reason why we see anger as a 'bad' emotion is the expression of anger and the negative consequences arising from it. For example, shouting, breaking, hurting yourself or others. The feeling of anger, which suddenly appears in our brain and produces very intense physical symptoms such as heart palpitations and trembling, frightens us and those around us. Sometimes we don't even remember what we were doing at that moment. Overly negative expression can damage our relationships. That's why it's so important to recognize our anger and use it appropriately. I will make two more videos on this topic. I hope that will be useful. See you soon.
Why Do I Lose Control When I Get Angry?
There are two things we need to know about the brain at this point: One is the frontal lobe, the forebrain, which allows us to act rationally and rationally as adults. The other is the primitive side of our brain, which we call the amygdala, which tries to keep us alive. As we normally go about our daily lives, the frontal lobe is active as long as there is nothing that our brain would perceive as a danger. But if the brain detects a danger signal, the lower part of the brain, which we call the primitive side, comes into play. Since this place is completely focused on keeping us alive, it does not waste time to think, it acts automatically. And it takes over the system from the forebrain. It sort of tells the frontal lobe, 'we have no time to waste with your thinking. Try to think about the times you got angry: when you think about it, how did he react� You too have been surprised, or there has been a process where you don't even remember what you said, or you have regretted actions or words that came out of your mouth. These are the reactions that the lower brain makes and occur automatically. What the brain perceives as a danger does not necessarily have to be life-threatening, such as an accident, violence, etc. As a child, we experienced intense feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and anything that reminds us of those feelings and experiences means a danger to the brain.
How Can I Control My Anger?
Many videos or You may have seen in the article that there are suggestions such as counting to 10, 20 etc. and taking deep breaths to control anger. The logic of this is actually to deactivate the lower brain that is in control and to give the system back to the forebrain; that is, to give to the brain region that allows us to think logically and healthily. Once you grasp this logic, what you do is up to you. Because counting to ten, drinking some water, changing the environment, taking deep breaths or getting out into the fresh air do the same. It draws you to the present moment, when you draw your attention to something else that is happening in the present moment, the brain receives the message, 'Everything is fine, I can calm down'. It may sound simple when you look at it that way, but anger is such an intense emotion and it makes us feel so right that we don't think about doing it or don't want to do it at that moment. That's why it's important to agree with ourselves why we need to calm our anger first. Alleviating anger is not justifying the other person or leaving ourselves vulnerable. If we are in control, if we do not act with the intensity of anger, we can get the message it brings, and we can find more effective ways to solve the problem. Remember, if we are faced with an intense emotion, the brain has perceived a danger. It is quite possible to get him out of the panic, by focusing your attention on something else or taking a very short break. I hope it was useful. Goodbye.
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