How to make a marriage decision?
First of all, it is necessary to determine whether the person in your life is the right person for you. Those who have difficulty making a decision on this issue perceive marriage as a risk and should definitely not rush but give themselves time.
What causes difficulty in this decision?
If you are having difficulty at this stage. It means you have some hesitations in your mind; “What makes me hesitate about this person?” You should ask yourself the question. For example; Do you have trust issues? Aren't your dreams common? Is he/she insufficient in terms of responsibility?
How can we get rid of hesitations?
After determining the reason for the hesitation, you should talk about these with the person in your life. Of course, it would be wrong to ask directly; By communicating in a positive and constructive manner, you can get clues about the answers you are looking for. You should also observe the person in your life and check their attitudes.
CORRECT COMMUNICATION IS VERY IMPORTANT
The marriage decision was made and some steps began to be taken; However, the preparation phase is usually painful. What should or should not be done to reduce mutual wear and tear?
One should start by accepting the differences; Because no matter how much you love or get along, you are ultimately different people and it is normal for some problems to arise. It should be accepted that problems and disagreements arise from time to time, and correct communication should be established afterwards. When we say correct communication, a person should express himself correctly and try to listen and understand the other person.
This process actually gives a clue about marriage... It is wrong to expect not to have any problems; There will definitely be problems. The important thing is to solve this problem correctly with correct communication. However, steps should be taken where necessary; It is also a big problem that one side constantly makes sacrifices.
Families also play an active role in this process. How should this balance be established?
We call this being able to separate from families in a healthy way; In other words, setting the necessary limits for families and accepting that they will become a new family. Once you can do this, it will be up to you how much and on what issues families will be involved. It will become clear.
How should we determine our expectations from both marriage and the person who will be our spouse?
The most important thing is that the expectations are realistic and the spouse is chosen according to these expectations. For example; It is not a realistic expectation to marry someone with a moderate income level and live a very rich and comfortable life.
Marriage is a long process and it is impossible for this process to go smoothly; We cannot always think the same things and understand each other without speaking. In this case, it is necessary to have a realistic image of marriage.
What are the problems you most frequently encounter in marriage or the reasons for these problems?
It is usually a problem that exists before marriage. If it is not resolved, it is said, "I thought it would change when I got married, but it didn't." However, it is very wrong to expect this; No one can be expected to change.
The opposite also happens; “He changed a lot when he got married.” Actually it hasn't changed; You have encountered characteristics that did not attract your attention before marriage and that you overlooked.
Another problem stems from seeing marriage as a fairy tale. After marriage, nothing is the same as when you were in love; Many responsibilities are assumed, which must be undertaken.
Finally, when there is a child, the minds of the spouses become confused; “Am I a spouse or a parent?”. It is necessary to embrace both roles; Couples should not forget that they are spouses after having children. Of course, the child will bring a new responsibility, but this does not require just being a parent.
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