HOW TO LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD
Everyone assumes they are listening, and of course everyone is listening to some extent. You hear your spouse go to bed or your friend announce the time of the party he is having on Saturday evening. Some people think they are good listeners. However, real listening is harder and rarer than many people think.
AHMET'S STORY
10-year-old Ahmet was having dinner with his father. Ahmet was in an unusual silence. Her father asked, "What happened, honey?" asked. Ahmet did not break his silence while shaking his head. His father insisted, "There must be something, you look miserable." “We had a fight with Ali,” said Ahmet slowly. His father said with some disdain: “Is that all? I thought it was something serious too. You and Ali fight so much that it is hard to believe that you are still friends. Why are you bothering so much? ", Ahmet said, "Okay, there is nothing. "I'm sorry, I need to do my homework," he said.
ITEMS THAT PREVENT LISTENING
Unfortunately, you may have experienced events similar to Ahmet's where listening did not occur. However, listening is the most important element of every good relationship. These relationships can be between parent and child, between lovers, friends, employees, or employee and employer. Real listening does not mean remaining silent while another is speaking. True listening shows your desire to understand what the other person wants to say and therefore what they think, feel and need. It's about being able to put your own thoughts and comments aside long enough to truly hear the other person. This is quite difficult and that is why many people do “fake-listening”. Their intention is not to truly understand, but to appear to be listening. Pseudo-listening involves using one of the following 10 obstacles.
Head Reading.When listening to the other person, what you think they "really mean" rather than what they say (this thought is primarily If you focus on your feelings, assumptions and intuitions), you are doing brain reading.
Speaking from memory.It means not really listening to what the other person says, but trying to prepare an answer in your mind.
Filtering.Hearing certain topics and not hearing others. For example, no matter what the other person says, you filter out all his unhappiness and do not react.
Do not judge. If you decide in advance, you are judging. You listen to him/her only to confirm your judgment about him/her.
Daydreaming.If you are a daydreaming person, you may pay attention to only part of what the other person says - your thoughts wander to different places within you.
Argument.If you listen to the other person with the intention of finding fault, you are ready to argue, no matter what the person says. This includes making fun and belittling.
Don't be right.If you're constantly trying to escape the fact that you're wrong by lying, yelling, distorting the facts, changing the subject, making excuses, and blaming, you're not listening.
Diversion from the topic.If you change the subject or make a joke when you are bored or uncomfortable with the conversation, you are deviating.
Acceptance.In an effort to be good, harmonious and likable. It means accepting everything that is said without listening at all.
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