The issue of forgetting or not being able to forget is a factor that makes life easier for all of us in the balance of excess and tefrit... However, when the balance is disrupted, forgetting a lot and not being able to forget much appear as a serious problem in life.
The most common problem we encounter when working with relationships. and one issue that trips up female clients the most: Not being able to forget... Accumulating negative memories, especially about one's spouse and close relatives, remembering them frequently, and often reminding them to those around them; In this way, keeping the memory up to date in this way can also be called abuse of memory. Many negative attitudes, behaviors and insinuations such as "He did this to me too", "he implied this when this happened", "he said this when we fought that time" occupy the mind and make life unlivable.
So. Why do some people forget more easily and some cannot? Why do men generally forget negativity more easily than women? What can those who have trouble forgetting do? Let's talk about these a little bit.
Hoarding one's anger and resentment; inability to communicate; Not being able to bring up the issue even after time has passed and keeping it in his inner world are among the reasons for not being able to forget it. On the other hand, some people have superior memory abilities due to their nature. People who have good event memory, relationship memory, and historical sequence memory may suffer more from not being able to forget. Another reason is the person's effort to relate events to each other. As a person increasingly associates things as the cause or effect of other things, it can make that person more suspicious, more resentful, and more pessimistic. Combinations such as "My mother-in-law said that to me, surely she overheard what my sister-in-law and I talked about the other day, and if she also talked to my wife, my wife has now turned against me" are the ones that harm the person the most. When negative scenarios are added to negative memories, relationship networks can become even more inextricable. Having a small social circle, being with a small number of people who always have the same point of view, not going in and out of different environments, not producing, and not making an effort in terms of personal development are among the reasons for thinking about the same things from morning to night. men going to work In this respect, they are in a more advantageous position than women working at home. After an argument in the morning, many tasks, projects, friends, etc. are cleared from his agenda. The other man comes home in the evening with a changed mood. If his wife at home is still in the mood he had in the morning, he may hear the following words: "Are you still there?"
What can we suggest on this matter? First of all, we may need to make an adjustment in our "perception" regarding the words spoken in anger. Many people take the words of anger more seriously than they should, saying "these were his real thoughts, he couldn't say them normally, he could say them now". However, nothing said in anger should not be taken SERIOUSLY. The “truth” is in the conversations made after some time has passed and the anger has calmed down.
When we have a problem with someone, the issue should be discussed again, especially after allowing some time to pass and when we both enter the process of thinking clearly. In these conversations, the style should be carefully considered, selfish sentences should be used rather than selfish sentences, and emotional compensation should be made by focusing on emotions such as resentment, sadness, and resentment. Depending on the content of the speech, the person should watch and protect himself. Protecting ourselves means protecting the other person. When tensions escalate again, the conversation should be ended as appropriately as possible. And again, what is said as tension escalates should not be taken into account.
Although many events and situations seem to be related to each other, most of them are different from each other. If a person perceives it this way, he protects himself. Not connecting and associating events reduces the emotional burden of most events.
Another solution is to "not personalize" events, situations, and reactions. The fact that someone behaves in a certain way is nourished by that person's past life, the way he perceives events, his reaction characteristics, and the connectedness in his relationship with the other person, etc. In other words, the reaction of one to the other; Although its relationship with the other comes into play to a certain extent, it is not completely dependent on the other. In this case, focusing on the behavior, reactions and sentences of someone who treats not only one person but everyone in that way becomes personal torment. This is actually an abuse of memory. Because in life I'm always dead Nothing happens without it, but for some reason it is always negative experiences that are recorded in the memory.
Spending time with different people from different environments and with different perspectives is a process that enriches, matures and changes a person. It is an effective factor that reduces memory abuse with "hang-up" feature.
Prolonging and over-individualizing the topics may sometimes be caused by the strong "ene". This may also require personal training.
However; If the repetition of negative thoughts with hang-ups is effective enough to affect the person's daily life and also affects their social relationships, it would be appropriate to seek help from a specialist. What we are obsessed with and why has something to do with us. This may need to be studied and its effects on the relational dimension analyzed.
Best regards
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