It would not be wrong to say that the death of a mother, father, sibling or a first-degree relative is the most painful situation that can be experienced. The concept of death is a shocking event for individuals, regardless of age. Death is an inevitable and universal situation. An adult who does not fully perceive death will have to explain this situation to a child. Children's perception of the concept of death varies depending on their developmental level and age.
HOW SHOULD THE NEWS OF DEATH BE GIVEN TO THE CHILD ?
Sometimes, families may want this situation to be done by experts, but the news of the death should be given to a close, trusted person of the child. It must be given by individuals. No one wants to receive this very sad news from a person they see for the first time in their life, whom they do not know and cannot fully trust. Perhaps it would be healthier for everyone, not just for children, to give the news of death slowly and gradually. Younger preschool children often cannot fully understand the concept of death. Sometimes, for some children, death can be perceived as the same as sleeping for a while. The best example of this is when a child, knowing that his father is in the coffin at the funeral, says to his mother, "Let's wake up my father, let's go buy toys."
HOW SHOULD DEATH BE EXPLAINED TO A CHILD?
People are born, grow and die... Although this is a fact we all know, we have difficulty accepting it when the person who dies is a relative of ours. While death is a difficult event for us adults to understand and bear, when it comes to children, especially in the preschool period, it is an even more difficult process for children to comprehend death and endure the absence of the lost person. Children's perception of death also varies depending on their age and developmental level. In the period before the age of three, children generally cannot understand death. For this reason, they perceive death as less scary compared to later ages. If one of the parents of the lost child is present, there will be problems arising from his/her absence. And of course, at this age, the child will need to be told without hiding that the person in question is dead. At the age of 4-5, children are more worried about death and losing their relatives. They start to get scared. They generally perceive death as a situation where return is possible, and from time to time they may say things about the deceased such as "Let him come back now!" "When will he come?" "Didn't he miss us?" He usually begins to understand the concept of 'death' from the age of 5, but he may not be able to perceive irreversibility. At the age of 6-7, death begins to be perceived as related to illness and old age. They can fully understand death between the ages of 7-10. At the age of 10-12, it begins to be perceived that death is the end of life and that there is no return.
What Should Be Said to the Bereaved Child And What Should Not Be Said?
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The news of the death should be shared with the people he loves and trusts. It is important to give the news of death.
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It is important to give the news of death by getting used to it. It can be said that he was seriously injured, sick, and doctors tried to save him, but this period should not be too long and he should be informed as soon as possible.
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The child should not be tried to make him forget about death. It is important not to remove family pictures of the deceased person, and not to avoid talking about the deceased person, thinking that it will affect the child.
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It is important to give simple and clear explanations in order to accelerate the child's adaptation to the new situation. Information about what will and will not change in your life should be given accurately. For example, whether they can continue at the same school, whether they can move away from home or not, etc. The rapid resumption of old routines and the maintenance of previous attitudes and behaviors by the parent form the basis for the healthy progress of the adaptation process. For this reason, care should be taken to constantly buy gifts to reduce the sadness, to loosen the boundaries and not to stay away from school for a long time.
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Excessive joy, activity, and unreasonable crying may result from the child's inability to fully perceive or deny the concept of death. Their situation must be tolerated. It should be known that this is a temporary situation.
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